I’m Not Ready


im-not-ready2The countdown has started. My first born baby boy will be one next month, and I’m completely in denial. I find myself walking aimlessly through my house singing “Hush little baby” and swaddling all his stuffed animals. Ok, that may (or may not) be an exaggeration, but I am trying to figure out where the past year of my life has gone.

Don’t blink. Time flies when you’re not sleeping having fun. Before you know it, they’ll be going to college.

It’s all so cliché, but it’s all true. So why on earth do people – friends, other moms, even my husband – feel the need to ask me if I’m ready for #2? I am overly emotional and completely unstable. My sweet, little baby is about to be ONE WHOLE YEAR old. Thanks for asking, but no, I am 100% not anywhere remotely close to being ready for number two. Thank you very much.

I loved being pregnant. I was fortunate enough to skip out on the morning sickness, back pain and a lot of other symptoms that go hand-in-hand with carrying a child. I slept well, ate everything my little heart desired and you better believe I put my feet up and let my hubby clean the house, because I was growing a human in my belly – that’s hard work, you know? Call me crazy, but I really do look forward to being pregnant again. Just not now. Right now, I want to breathe in every second of my son’s baby-ness for as long as it lasts. I want to soak up every ounce of the one that made me a mommy. I know one day this will change, but to be honest, I can’t imagine sharing my heart with anyone else. I am so full of love for my little family that I feel my heart may burst at times. So what’s wrong with reveling in that for a while? Let me celebrate my first born and give him my undivided attention. Let me just stay right here for a little while longer.

I definitely want more children. My husband and I both have large families that we see often and enjoy spending time with. My sister and I are 14 months apart in age, and she is still my best friend and the first one I turn to when I need advice from someone other than my husband. I know that one day in the not so distant future, I’ll get the itch again. I’ll reminisce about the newborn stage and all the hard but wonderful parts that come with it. It’s truly a blessing and a gift to bring a new life into the world that is completely dependent upon you and knowing without a doubt in your mind that there isn’t anything you wouldn’t do for this tiny person you just met. I so love that stage and miss it dearly as we head out of the infant phase and into toddlerhood (pray for me).  I’m beyond excited to add to our family one day and watch it grow but in the mean time, I’m perfectly content and unbelievably thankful for my family of three. For now..



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