I am an oversharer on Facebook. I post a considerable amount of pictures (almost exclusively of my daughter) and update randomly.
Last week, I found myself typing out, “For parents of potty trained kids-what do you do when your kid is scared of going poop in the potty? We are talking crying fests, screaming “No! No! No!”.
Right before I hit post, I decided that was too much for Facebook. Dallas Moms Blog on the other hand, never!
My daughter potty trained herself. My husband and I did nothing other than decide to stop buying her diapers. Over a year ago, while getting her ready for a bath she asked to go potty and she went. She even pooped that night. From there on, at home she would always go pee in the potty. At daycare, she wore pull ups and they were always dry when we picked her up. She hadn’t mastered going poop yet but I know that takes more time. I was so thankful for this, because before I was like Jenny and didn’t know how or where to start.
About a month ago, with weeks of her being totally dry in diapers and always communicating even while out she had to go, we had a bit more confidence to leave the house diaper free. Of course the moment I type this all things will change but as of right now she has only had two pee accidents.
The poop issue though, well that is something I don’t know how to conquer. She generally poops at night when we are at home and I can always tell she needs to go because she runs around like a mad woman in circles crying because she doesn’t want to go. I will scoop her up run her to the potty and sit her down. She starts screaming that she doesn’t want to so I let her get up. She then will run around and poop her pants, then turn into a hysterical mess because she got her precious Dora panties dirty.
Twice I have semi held her legs down on the potty and within five seconds she has pooped. You can see the relief on her face and she is almost giddy-screaming for her daddy to come look who rewards her with this funky hip hop dance and chocolate. I just have read that you shouldn’t force them to sit on the toilet but that ending is a much happier (and cleaner) one and she doesn’t seem traumatized (I didn’t try this until a couple of weeks into this issue).
So Mommas, has anyone had this issue?
A little background and because being a mom there is never too much information-her poop is soft, she can’t communicate why she is scared to poop though she might have seen an unnamed parent go poop that wasn’t the “easiest” (parents have since required privacy while on the potty-but y’all know how hard that is with kids).
I’m really at a loss as to what my next step should be. Do I not try to guide the situation at all and just let her poop her pants causing a breakdown that rivals a teenager who just found out her biggest enemy is dating the boy she likes?
Do I continue to try to “force” her to sit on the potty when I know she is seconds away? The last thing I want is to cause more fear but she seems so much more upset about pooping in her panties than being held down for five seconds.
Help!
My son did this. It is so frustrating, I feel your pain. What worked for us was putting the “Poo Poo Reward Chart” in place. I had three levels: 1) Telling us he needed to poop. 2) Trying to go on the toilet, and 3) Pooping on the toilet (meaning without a huge fuss and everyone is still alive afterwards).
He got a sticker for each of the levels, and once each level was complete, he would get a reward. For example, if he told me he needed to poop three times (so three stickers), he would get a piece of chocolate. If he tried to poop on the toilet three times, he would get a new (small) toy. Once he had pooped on the toilet three times, he got his dream toy.
The key to this reward was that I had already purchased the dream toy, and put it high on the shelf as incentive. He knew it was there, and couldn’t wait to get it.
Three weeks later, he has only had two accidents, and even those could have been avoided.
Good luck!!
I like that plan a lot Katie! When we officially ditched the diapers, I made a chart for her to put stickers on but she just kept forcing herself to go pee so it really wasn’t needed. Now that we are having a whole different issue I am going to bring back the chart. I also really like the idea of getting the super cool toy-not only does she have something to look forward to, it also gives her the idea of working towards something.
Thanks!
It was good to read Katie’s suggestions and advice, and I’m looking forward to reading the others as well. We’re not quite to the potty training age, but we’re quickly approaching it. I can’t tell yet how my son will handle this oh-so-fun milestone, but it certainly has me sweating already!
I really feel so, so lucky. Sure we have this poop issue but I literally didn’t have to do a thing to “train” her. She just went straight from diapers to panties, even overnight. Even though this issue is frustrating, since it is the only thing I know we will work through it 🙂
We had a lot of poop accidents with my first daughter. When I asked the pedi about it at her 3 yr appt, he said that I should give her a choice. She could poop on the potty or in a diaper, but pooping in her panties was not allowed. I had to be fine with whichever she chose and show no preference for either, just make sure she knew that panty pooping was not ok. We did that for awhile, and she eventually stopped having accidents and she pooped in the potty. Your daughter isn’t quite 2 yet, so it’s still early. I’d give her a couple of months, make sure you don’t shame or guilt her, and ask the pedi for some additional guidance at her 3 yr well child visit.
I like the choice option. I have a feeling just like with many other toddler things that it is a control issue. She does not want to wear diapers anymore but I think if we explained she has the option of diapers or the toilet she will feel more confident. Thanks!!
These are great ideas! We too made charts, rewards, super-cool toy, etc for my oldest (who is now 4). He was doing great for 2+ years and then all of a sudden a few weeks ago, he decided, figured out that he could “control” his poop, and would make it “go away”. When I realized he hadn’t gone in a few days and I got to the bottom of what he was doing. We started the chart/reward system again. We also loaded up on miralax (which he has been taking since birth due to a kidney issue-we normally give him 1-2 tsp of miralax a day. But this time we gave him 3 tsp a day and basically gave him no choice but to go). And lastly, what was the final helper in getting over his fear of going and trying to control it, was I would allow him to watch a video on my phone while going so that he wouldn’t think about the fact that he was pooping. Good luck!
Oh man!! Kyler is 2.5, will be 3 in July so I’m starting to get pretty anxious about this whole potty training thing! He doesn’t even seem to be showing signs of being ready…so I’m not pushing it yet. It sounds like y’all are doing great..even if there are a few set-backs. Way to go!
It’s really interesting to read everyone’s suggestions! I am no where near the potty training stage with my son yet, so I’ve got nothing. Let us know what ends up helping, Cassidy!
With any challenge I face like this, one of the first things I do is try to see things through her eyes. Put myself in her shoes, in her body, feeling what she’s feeling. Imagine that YOU are that 2 or 3 year old. My question would be … what is it she needs to feel secure and confident in pooping? A smaller potty? A different place to poop?
Even at 2 or 3, you can validate what she is feeling. She has fear, so address it:
“okay, I get it, something is bothering you about going poop in this big potty/toilet (whatever word you use for it), and I know you don’t like pooping in your favorite panties. Do you want to try one of these little potties? Maybe you can have your own potty.”
You can let her be part of the process of solving this fearful issue, and do it without any of your own tense energy around it. You will most likely get to try different things … get or make a potty for her; put it in a different area than where the big potty is, someplace of her choosing. Get creative and be playful about it!
If you use distraction or rewards, you can be interrupting an opportunity for her to learn to manage her body (and her fears) in a healthy way!
And way to go for reaching out for support! Your intuition is right on, telling you that there must be a more empowered solution for you and your little one!!
Please keep us posted.
xoxo
we had this problem as well. my son would just hold it until nap or night and go in his diaper. we got a metal tin (had to eat all the world market ginger snaps out of it first) and filled it with cheap match cars (his favorite thing). when he would poop on the potty (even when it was me holding him down like you have done), he got a POOP PRIZE! there were 20 of them in the tin. pretty soon he was really motivated and started doing it – don’t press the issue or worry that it will never go away. reward her when she does it and let her come around in her own time. as the tin gets less and less prizes in it though, you might start mentioning “you are such a big girl, you are not going to need prizes to go poop anymore, pretty soon” we did this towards the end and then when he got his last poop prize, made a HUGE deal about what a big boy he was mastering pooping. the next time he asked about the prize but we just casually said “remember you don’t need prizes anymore, you are big boy. let’s go play cars” and he moved on quickly.