TikTok Opened My Eyes to How Motherhood in America Is Impossible


A woman looks sad as she sits at a table with cup of coffee.Some days I wake up and can’t seem to understand why motherhood is so exhausting. Being a working mom, wife, and parent all at once wears on me many days. Between being a good employee, spouse to my partner, keeping up with all the school activities, doctor and dentist appointments, playdates, staying involved in church, and making sure my kids are alive, well, and healthy can just overwhelm you.

Lately, I’ve been having conversations with a fellow mom friend about how we can work smarter and not harder. We’ve discussed ways to build wealth for our families, how to enjoy life more and work less. It seems like we keep coming back to an issue that seems to be pretty American: Motherhood in America is quite isolating. 

What really sucks is it appears to be embedded in the fabric of our society, so we can’t figure out how to move away from this ideology.

TikTok Realization

On one of my late night binges of TikTok, I came across a mom influencer from the Congo. She is a stay-at-home mom who was venting to her followers that her cleaning service had just quit on her. She was rightfully upset and trying to figure out next steps. Of course, she received negative feedback from users stating that because she stays home, she should be able to take care of cleaning her home on her own.

>> RELATED READ :: Motherhood: This Lonely Never-Alone Stage of Life <<

The mother is originally from the Congo and goes on to explain that in her country everyone, not just the rich and wealthy, have a maid, a chef, and a village of people to help raise their children. She explains that her family budgets and sacrifices to pay for the help they need.

She’s right. America has fed us this narrative that mothers CAN and MUST do it all. It’s downright insane to believe this to be true.

Another mother I ran across on TikTok talks about life in Spain and how America has taken all the healthy and happy habits out of our normal day and has made them extras that we have to pay for and make more time to do.

She explains that in Italy they walk everywhere — even when it’s cold — so they have no need for a gym on every corner or wake up at 4:00 a.m. to hit the gym.

A mom rests her head in a pile of laundry.The food they serve is nutritious and cooked slow with few fast food options, so there’s no need for grocery stores full of supplements and dieting gimmicks because they already have a healthy diet.

She even mentions our 24/7 mentality, and that grabbing a coffee at 7:00 a.m. would be unheard of because people are still home with their families.

>> RELATED READ :: How to Embrace the “And” in Motherhood <<

Is There an Answer?

So mamas, this article isn’t about giving tips on how to escape these ideals because I haven’t figured it out. I need your help. Are there families out there creating this space of healthy, happy balance or are we all drowning in America? I’d really like to stay here but another country sounds like a great escape!


  1. Have you heard of the book “The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry”? It addresses our lack of margin & rest as a whole in America and in the digital age, but I think you might find some good information you could apply to motherhood as well! It was an easy, but excellent read

  2. I’m a born and raised Texan, but spent the last 11 years in SoCal. Your article is spot on. I don’t have good advice for you, be wise we actually did leave and move to Spain! The lifestyle change has been amazing.


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