When you are ready to start a family, you hope it will happen quickly. It’s taken all your life till now to be ready, and here you are . . . ready. For some, it will be fast. Others will require infertility treatments. For others, it may not happen at all.
Some people have not felt the agonizing pain of miscarrying a baby. Many are rightfully optimistic when they get a positive pregnancy test and can’t wait to share their exciting news. But those of us who have suffered a miscarriage know all too well that the joy of growing new life can just as quickly turn to mourning the death of a baby that cannot survive in this world.
If your friend has shared the news of her pregnancy with you, she may also have the painful task of sharing the sad news if she miscarries. How can you help a friend grieve a miscarriage?
>> RELATED READ :: On My Miscarriage :: Staying Positive <<
As someone who suffered several miscarriages, here are my tips:
Listen
Listening is the most loving thing that you can do. Let hrt share what she wants and don’t feel the need to fill long pauses. Remember that this is her story and not your story.
Empathize
If you’ve been through a miscarriage, share that experience and what has helped you: That may sound like it conflicts with the point above, but it is relevant. Your friend will guide you by her reaction if there is more she wants to ask about your experience or not. Follow her cues.
Ask Thoughtful Questions
Don’t push if your friend doesn’t want to answer them, but be inquisitive. Your friend may have already decided on names, nursery themes, made purchases, etc. It can be therapeutic to share plans and mourn what will not be.
Offer Help
Ask if she would like help telling people. This can be a gift if you are a close enough friend. It is very painful to rehash the story repeatedly. Be clear on what she wants to share and with whom she wants to share it. Accept it if she prefers to tell the news on her own.
Give
Provide a small gift to cheer her up, like flowers, a nice note, a Door Dash gift certificate so she can focus on healing, or anything else that helps with self-care.
Be Sensitive
Avoid cliches or minimizing their pain. Refrain from saying things like:
- It will happen for you.
- It was for the best.
- You can always try again
Instead, say something comforting like: I can’t imagine how difficult this is for you. Please know that I’ll support you however I can.
>> RELATED READ :: Birth Story :: Rainbow Baby <<
Above all else, check-in and provide opportunities with your friend to talk (or not). If you know important anniversaries or upcoming dates like the due date, it is appropriate to acknowledge that.
Sometimes just a walk or something out of the house is a welcome reprieve from the grief. Your friend will appreciate any gesture if it comes from the heart.
