I am almost nine months pregnant so it wasn’t a surprise to me when my daughter, four years old, asks me how the baby is going to come out of my belly. My husband and I believe in telling her age appropriate facts, so we explain to her in the gentlest of terms, just how in fact, the baby will be exiting my body. She is equally intrigued and appalled but doesn’t seem overwhelmed with the information.
My daughter is extremely curious so it shouldn’t have come as a surprise to me when driving one day, she simply asks,
“Mommy-how did Baby get into your belly?”
I thought to myself, “Ok, you’ve got this! You know how to respond!” I followed the advice of every professional out there by asking her how she thought they would get in there. I assumed she would come up with some cute response to put in her baby book and I could follow her lead and find out exactly how much she was wanting to know. Her response was not what I expected.
“I don’t know, that is why I am asking you.”
I explained to her that babies come to families in many different ways-sometimes a mommy and daddy love each other so much they create one, some families are so lucky that they get to have a baby who wasn’t born to the mommy join their family. As I’m talking, I’m trying to decide my next words carefully when she interrupts me and yells,
“But HOW does the baby get in your belly?!”
Staying calm on the outside, but mentally frantically trying to figure out just how much and what to explain to my innocent four year old exactly how the baby came to be a inhabitant of my swollen abdomen, I ask her again if she had any ideas, received the same response as before. I guess I took too long to respond, because 15-20 seconds later, she moved on and started talking about her cowgirl boots.
Bullet dodged, but I immediately started to beat myself up. Though I was proud I appeared to be calm (at least I hope!) with her to let her know her questions were welcome and encouraged, I couldn’t answer them. I don’t know why I thought I was further away from the questions-especially with me being pregnant it seems only natural she would want to know how her sibling came to be. I want to be open with her, but know she is not cognitively ready to know the physical act of how babies are made. I also don’t think it is appropriate to say, “I’ll tell you when you are older” because I feel that gives the birds and the bees talk a secretive feel which isn’t something I want to happen.
A few days later, my daughter and I took a special trip to Barnes and Noble. I know there are books about every single life circumstance, so I had hoped there would be some age appropriate books to help aid our discussion. I was right-not only did I find a book, there were rows of books at our disposal. While she played at the train table I perused a few of them, looking for one that was a little more factual than fluffy and called her over to sit with me.
Amazing You!: Getting Smart About Your Private Parts
I’ve pretty much gotten over the fact that I wasn’t successful on talk number one, but genuinely-I hope that isn’t the last, or the only one where she initiates conversation. I’m hopeful that she will continue to come to me when she wants to know something and trusts that I will be honest and open with her. My husband and I both believe that these type of conversations should be continuous through all stages of development, and I have faith I will be a little more prepared going forth. At this time, she hasn’t thought to question exactly how the the mommy’s eggs and daddy’s sperm meet, but when the day comes, I have a book for that!
