I remember it like it was yesterday – that first mortifying, horribly embarrassing tantrum at Target.
Miles was about 15 months and we had gone to pick up a few things, but mostly just to get out of the house on a rainy day. We were wondering the toy isle when it hit. At this point, Miles was no stranger to tantrums but this one was a doozy!! To this day, I have no idea what set him off (he wasn’t hungry or tired – the only thing I can think was that he didn’t want to be in the cart) but there was not a single thing I could do to calm him down! He wanted to hold a toy, but just so he could throw it. He wanted me to put him down so he could flail around on the ground in the way of other carts. He wanted me to pick him up, but only so he could slap me in the face or try to scratch out my eyeballs. People were staring. I can still see the horror etched on the face of some kid who worked there(he was probably 17/18) and he gawked, open mouthed– the words “I’m Never Having Kids” written all over him.
I had a cart full of stuff that I was not about to leave, despite some of the suggestions I’d read in those baby books. So I did my best to keep him out of harms way and let him slowly wear himself out. Once I could safely pick him up (without fear of injury (what felt like hours later, probably less than 5 minutes though)) I hugged him and told him I loved him. We walked over to the juice isle and got him something to drink as a distraction.
I remember thinking – 15 months is kind of young to be throwing tantrums this big… hopefully (just hopefully) this means he’ll grow out of this phase sooner- earlier! Like somehow, by the terrible 2s we’d be over these baby-like tantrums! But in reality I knew, I just knew- all it meant was that I was in for more than my fair share of publicly humiliating tantrums.
At 2 years 3 months the tantrums are still coming on full force! The only difference is that now he’s so much stronger and has even more will-power than ever before! Also, he has a pretty good sense of what he wants, so when he doesn’t get it — look out!
In theory, our tactic hasn’t changed – don’t give in, ignore the screaming, step away from the hitting, hug him when he’s done and do our best to distract him to something else. I’ve even picked up a few invaluable tricks from my friends here at DMB – being a YES Mom really does helps… so does trying to make them laugh. Music to prevent meltdowns is great for Miles because he really does love music! But no matter what I do tantrums are still a part of our every day life.
Right now we are at a horrible stage of all or nothing. Miles LOVES trains but when I show him the DART — it’s a good 30 seconds of excitement and joy, followed by 5 minutes of tears. “Where’d it go? Bring the train back!!” Riding the train is the same – 2 minutes of joy, followed by DESPAIR at having to get off and have the train drive away. This past weekend Miles got to ride a pony! BEST 2 minutes of his life, then WORST 5 minutes of waiting in line to ride again, followed by BEST 2 minutes, followed by — we just have to leave this party right now since we can’t LIVE on that pony!!
And I’ll be the first to admit that I don’t always have the patience or the grace to follow all the rules. If it’s been a particularly long day of tantrum after tantrum my reactions look more like this —
- Insanely huge smile to compensate for the rage that’s boiling inside.
- Then I hold my head up high and make eye-contact with anyone brave enough to stare.
- Followed by shouting random excuses “he’s tired/just woke up from a nap/soooo hungry right now” (one of those is probably true, right? Believable anyway!).
- I’ve been known (only once) to pick Miles up and hand him to whichever stranger is staring the most condescendingly — you think you can do it better? I dare you to try! — I haven’t had any takers yet, thankfully.
- Find candy and/or food and shove it in his mouth (it masks the screaming – suckers work best as they don’t make him quite as angry as anything else).
- And when worse comes to worse, I just lay down and start crying WITH Miles – sometimes when you can’t beat ’em, join ’em!
Thankfully, tantrums always end… even when they feel like they never will. And more importantly, he will grow out of this stage — eventually…
What’s your most embarrassing tantrum story??
Thanks for sharing. DD will be 3 in December and while we’ve had our random outbursts of broken heart weeping, we’ve never had the kind of outbursts you describe (which we’ve seen plenty of at our local Target, haha). I was always so proud (and relieved) to have such a well behaved toddler who didn’t feel the need to kick, scream, etc. Deep down, I feared that she was sitting on her natural toddler tendencies and they were just festering, waiting to spill out in the most outrageous tantrums I can’t even imagine. About 3 weeks ago, my fear became reality. Just one random day (not sleepy, not hungry, not bored) I asked if she needed to go potty and she screamed “NO, MAMA, LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!” I was pretty startled and told her that she can just say “No, I’m fine” and not scream at me. That really set her off and she screamed that she was not screaming, that she wants to be a naughty girl, and to leave her alone so she can have a timeout. What the?
It’s been like that everyday for over 3 weeks and I never know when she’s going to fly into a rage because I’ve somehow offended her. I just gave her the option to pick up her pom poms (the little furry balls you get at craft stores; there are about 100 on my floor right now) or I’ll vacuum them up and she said, “that’s fair, I pick them up!” and started cleaning up with a smile. But god forbid I pour her milk wrong and suddenly she hates me. I don’t even remember why she started screaming at me yesterday but when I told her I can’t understand her when she’s screaming, she came over and hit me (the first time she’s done it on purpose; prior to this it’s been arms flailing and unintentional, or so I tell myself). I put my hand on her arm to stop her from doing it again and she started shaking her head and threw herself right into me, slamming her forehead into my nose. I just got up and left the room crying. About 2 minutes later she came into my room and gave me a hug and a kiss and said she was sorry and burst into tears. We talked a lot about what happened and she’s been relatively sane since then. I know I’m in for plenty more and it’s nice to know I’m the only one who has just had to lay down and cry!
I can’t tell you how afraid and on alert I am for that inevitable headbutt to the nose! How sweet of your DD to realize what she’s done and apologize for it though! I’m still holding my breath for that from Miles…
In the mean time we can commiserate in our pain and bruises together! 🙂
Oh, yes, the headbutt to the nose is such a right of passage for toddler moms. That split-second right after when you’re waiting to see if blood starts gushing, and the relief when it doesn’t… I think the only time I get truly embarrassed in public is when my “sweet angel” starts beating the crap out of me when I’m trying to either calm him or remove him from the situation. I remember my pre-mom self being absolutely horrified when I saw kids doing this and mom just taking it. But now I realize that they aren’t in control of themselves, and besides, there’s not much you can do about it besides try and dodge the blows or secure their arms and legs. Like all things, this too will end, so enjoy all the other times. 🙂
Yes, it’s a good thing he’s so cute most of the time – or I don’t know what I’d do! 🙂
At least you know the kids is passionate!! Now you just have to harness that strong spirit and hope he uses it for good someday, too 🙂 If anything, these hard times make for some great stories and fabulous photos.
I do have to admit – those pictures are pretty awesome! I even have a few of his tantrums recorded on video and they crack me up every time I watch them!!
3 weeks ago we were staying in a hotel for a wedding. It was one of those convention-style hotels with the big center atrium and open-air hallways on all the floors that open up to it. Something set my 2 year old off while we were eating breakfast in the lobby, and she went to the dark place, screaming at the top of her lungs, throwing food. Realizing that she wasn’t going to calm down, my husband hustled her out of the lobby and into the elevator to our floor. I heard her screaming the entire time, all the way from the 8th floor to the lobby. A few minutes later, I realized that I could still hear it. My husband hadn’t gone into the room. I heard her screaming circling from above and realized he was just going around and around on our floor. I hustled up there and found him, locked out of our room – he’d forgotten his key – and with my daughter laying prostrate and screeching on the floor. There were 3 pissed off people in pajamas standing in their open hotel-room doors (it was like 7:30 in the morning). Those same 3 people watched as I picked my daughter up off the floor and she slapped me full across the face.
Isn’t 2 amazing?
Well, if this was a competition – I’m pretty sure you’d win the prize!! I can hardly stop laughing to write this response. It’s no lie that when it rains, it pours — and their worst outbursts are saved for a nice huge public audience! I hope you got some ice on that slap and some wine from the bar, sister! 🙂