The Languages of Love

I’ll admit it: I’m an affectionate person.  I love to cuddle with my with my kids, canoodle with my husband [gasp!] and even let my dog sleep curled up behind my legs for a good portion of the night.

With my oldest daughter I’ve found that from the very beginning our communication has always been easy. We’re exactly the same, which can be hair-pulling frustrating at times, but the rest of the time it’s comforting to know that I “get” her. I tell her I love her and that she’s special to me, and she literally melts like M&M’s in your hands [whoever made that ad about M&M’s NOT melting in your hands obviously lived somewhere other than Texas during the summer!] I sit down on the couch and she is guaranteed to not only sit next to me but to sit ON me if at all possible. When it comes to conveying my unconditional [through frequently tested! ] love for her, we have zero issues.

Then I had another baby. I wore her constantly, but she still never seemed quite as content as her sister had. I co-slept for 2 years, and the only time she started to sleep was when she moved to her own bed and had her own space. I would ask for a kiss and she would tell me “No.”; I would play with her hair and she would tug her head away saying “Stooooooooop.”

I…..was…..confused.

Then one day, as I was discussing the differences between my children, someone suggested a book to me: The 5 Love Languages of Children by Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell [available for Kindle Nook and iTunes audiobook]. I was immediately intrigued and bought the book for my Nook.  All I can say is….wow.

Here’s the basic rundown: There are five different languages of love, and we all speak at least a few of them [most often we speak the ones that we like to be spoken to us].

• Love Language #1 – Physical Touch
• Love Language #2 – Words of Affirmation
• Love Language #3 – Quality Time
• Love Language #4 – Gifts
• Love Language #5 – Acts of Service

Now, if you speak the same love language as your children [like I do with my first], things run smooth…simpatico…like silk. Yay!

If, however, you are speaking the exact opposite keep trying to love your child and it seems like they’re fighting you every step of the way, this book might just be the answer to your prayers. I discovered that although I gave my middle oodles of physical touch and words of affirmation, she really didn’t care…quality time and acts of service turned out to the be the best way I could show her my love. [And with a third child turning 16 months I’ve had the joy of discovering it all again for a whole new person.]

My daughter, who appeared to be showing such a longing for attention [when I was doing nothing but meeting her needs the best way I knew how] finally understood the new way I was “talking” to her.

And as we all know, happy kids = happy mothers.