When I was a mom of one baby, my husband and I had some major issues… with our babysitters. I am the first to admit, the problem was all me. I wanted these girls to like us, and to like our kid, and to want to come back. So we would pay them well, and order them a pizza, tell them to do whatever they wanted, leave them with our child, and come back irritated. Because, ew, the food was still out, the table was sticky, the toys were all over, and my kid had been asleep since 7pm. So I would complain to my husband, and compare her babysitting etiquette to my (awesome) babysitting skills 20 years ago, and have her back… knowing it would be the same as last time. I wish I would have read this post back then! I wasn’t asking for what I wanted, so I couldn’t get what I wanted.
For some reason, direct as I can be with my friends, I struggled to “state my expectations” with my babysitters! As our family grew and our needs changed, something had to give! So here is my list of 6 ways I (finally) got what I want from my babysitters:
1) Stopped trying to make the sitter think I’m cool. She thinks I’m old. It’s fine. I am. And this isn’t her night out, this is a job that I pay her to do. So I had to get over myself and stop worrying if she will 
think I am super strict when I say no TV/sugar/phones/everything fun. [Note: TV and sugar are the free babysitters I use during the week – I don’t need to pay you to do nothing. Go play. Preferably outside.]
2) Stopped asking “what do you charge?” Now I offer a fair, set rate in a job description when I text someone new, i.e. “We pay $xx per hour, have 3 kids, and are hiring a sitter, are you interested?” She can always say no!
3) Started to offer sitters extra cash for extra chores. I usually do this with my younger sitters who might not intuitively know it would be oh-so-kind of them to wipe the table off, etc., and I am paying less than I would pay someone with more experience. They can choose to do the extra, or they can sit on my couch instead of putting the food away — but at least then I don’t have to pay for it.
4) I put my rules on paper. I laminated it because I am insane and I love to laminate things, and now I have it hanging on the fridge. I point sitters to it when they first come over; it means if I forget to mention a rule or expectation, it’s there. And it’s easier for me to point them to that than to verbally explain my (long) list of expectations when they watch my kids.
5) Pay more than I say I will. The set rate I mention above varies depending on the age and experience of my sitter. But whatever the rate is, I offer lower than I am actually willing to pay. Because when you are working for the strict mom who asks for no electronics and no sugar etc etc… it’s pretty awesome to be surprised with more money than you expected at the end of the night. We agreed on less — so I am not obligated to pay it. But if I do, when she leaves, my elaborate demands and my wild kids aren’t the last thing the sitter remembers… she leaves remembering the extra money.
6) Ask for a consistent day/time. Sitters like to know what’s on their calendars, and parents love to know we have someone booked without having to scramble every time there’s an event to attend. About 3 years ago we began hiring sitters for every Saturday night. We are flexible if they need to cancel (we love advance notice, and we want you to go to Homecoming!) and we also cancel on them if we are leaving town. But almost every Saturday night we have the same gal come over from 7-11 pm-ish. The girls (and guy! Shout out to Mr. Peter!) have rotated as they graduate and go off to college. But for 1-2 years, they are ours! Coming weekly means a sitter gets the hang of my kids and my routine and my house. And even better, this date night consistency has also been a major factor in feeling like my marriage is connected and thriving post-kids.
My oldest is about to turn 7, and I have finally learned this lesson: stop trying to impress your babysitter, and instead work to communicate well to get what you want. Spend the extra effort impressing your significant other. It’s a better long-term investment, for sure.
Wow! I felt like I could’ve written this! I babysat regularly from the time I was 11 until I was 32 (through college, through grad school, and the first early years of marriage). I have very high expectations of our babysitters but also hate the feeling that I’m paying so much above minimum-wage when they get it in cash and under the table. I am definitely going to start listing what I and willing to pay upfront!
Thanks for commenting @thriftstoremama! I feel like I made major strides when I took back the reins so I hope it benefits you and your family as well. Let me know how it goes!
I want to see that list of rules! Especially if it’s awesome enough to get laminated.