This month Penny, the baby in our family, will be turning one. It has been a whirlwind year including a position change two weeks after returning to work, her big sister turning five and as many family trips as we can fit in before school starts. The past year has also been the hardest year of my life because I have officially gone over 12 months without sleeping for more than three hours at a time.
Yes that is right-my baby doesn’t sleep through the night. Not only does she not sleep through the night, we are lucky to get three hour stretches, most of the times it is in two hour spurts. I’ve documented my thoughts on how I am in “survival mode” and even though I wrote that months ago, I still feel the same and feel it isn’t right to try and push through this “phase.”
Would I like her to sleep longer periods of time? Oh goodness, yes. We will get there, I know it, and during my darkest days I have found it helpful to think of the reasons why I am actually thankful for not getting to sleep extended periods of time.
1) Catching up on books and TV: So this one was more geared towards the early months when I was nursing for longer periods of time. Having the ability to read in silence with no disruptions is something I still haven’t been able to duplicate when my household is awake. The same thing with TV- Parenthood was my go-to show to binge on while nursing and I never had to worry about my five year old (or husband) demanding my attention.
2) Extra cuddles: While one year olds have lost their delicious newborn smell, there is something magical about holding your cuddly baby inhaling the sweet scent that is purely theirs. I love to stare at my girl’s face, her long eyelashes and nibble on her little fingers. During the day I don’t take the time to really memorize the weight of her in my arms, nighttime is when I truly begin to appreciate the opportunity to hold her body next to mine.
3) Reminder that I can be selfless: Maybe I’m alone in this feeling, but I feel like I’m a selfish mom. I look at my mom (and pretty much every other mom around me) and am always amazed at how selfless they are and with such ease. They share their food with no hesitation, will take their kids to the park when they are bone tired, spend discretionary funds on yet another Lego set and here I am hoarding my Choco Tacos and laying on the couch while my daughter plays on the floor with second hand toys in front of me. Knowing that I wake up night after night to tend to my daughter’s needs despite my extreme desire not to reminds me that yes, I am a good mom.
4) The knowledge that I can push my body farther than I think I can: This one is a big one for me. Before I had children I was an “absolutely, under no circumstances whatsoever have to have eight hours of sleep” kind of person. So many people have told me that there is no way they could function with the amount of sleep I do. I used to be one of those people too, so I am genuinely proud of my body and what I am able to still accomplish despite not being in ideal circumstances. When I am exercising (which admittedly is far and few between) and feel the physical exhaustion come on-I know that I can push myself just a bit farther and that my preconceived limitations are purely mental.
Of course, a year in, I feel like I have really learned all four of these lessons, so, if she wants to start sleeping for longer periods- I won’t fight her on it!
Does your child still not sleep through the night? Let’s stay positive together!
What lessons have you taken away from the situation?
Love this!!! This is so my life! I have a 1 year old also and going thru same issue! Thank you!
While I never want another momma to have to go through the amount of sleepless nights like I have-it is a bit comforting to know that I have someone else who experiences the same things. Hopefully your little sleeps for you soon!
Yes. My 4 mo old still wakes multiple times during the night. I know that may sound totally normal to most, it’s a shock for us b/c our first slept through the night early and NEVER wakes up until morning. Like – she’s 2 and a half and I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve heard her during the night. My favorite “reason” you listed is that it’s a reminder you are a good mom! I feel like a selfish mom, too, so I appreciate that!