Nanny Versus Daycare: Who Wins?

I was just with a group of girls at our weekly Bible study and we have a lot of new moms. I asked if there was a topic anyone was interested on hearing about, and the subject of using a nanny versus day care came up. Someone even said: “That’s a SENSITIVE subject.” And you know what? It should be. We’re talking about the people or the places that care for our most precious gifts on this planet. If you’re a full time working mom, we’re talking about who, during the week, watches and nurtures your babies more than YOU. It’s without a doubt a touchy subject, but as I started about thinking WHY people get so defensive or uppity or whatever it may be surrounding or choices of childcare, I’m wondering if it’s for the right reasons.

Do we care so deeply about where are babies go during the week because we want the best for them? Or do we care so deeply because we center what’s “best” on what others tell us is so?

First and foremost, my family has been blessed in the arena of childcare. When we had our firstborn, we utilized a combination of grandparents four days a week and me working from home one day to cover that 5 day spread. Outside of being unsure as to whether or not my mom and mother-in-law were keeping her on schedule, or even paying attention to what I said……I KNEW that our baby girl was being engulfed with affection. When she was that age, that’s what she needed.

Around 6 months that came to an end, we employed a part time nanny and our little went to Mother’s Day Out one day a week. I will be the first to admit that I am the world’s BIGGEST anxiety ridden freak, and I had a hard time adjusting. I always assume the worst. If our first one cried at an abnormal time of the day for her, I would attribute it to SOMEONE doing something incorrectly. Or worry that she wasn’t being cared for properly. In fact, it’s taken me two and half years to fall in love with our nanny, and it was no one’s fault but my own (but that’s a different subject entirely).

So, that’s my set up. It’s changed slightly since having our second, but we still use a combo of school, nanny and our parents for the perfect balance of insanity. This year our two and a half year old started school three days a week, and adored it. David and I watched her THRIVE in an environment that she felt special. She would come home and say things we had never heard before, and while somewhat frightening, it was also awesome to see her little brain expanding. However, she goes to a school that doesn’t have a waiting list for two years, that you DON’T have to bribe your husband to stand outside in the middle of the night to get in to, and sometimes, just sometimes, when I would hear other moms talk about their schools where those things were necessary….I caught myself wondering….are we at the right place? Is this the best place? When actually, all I needed to be asking was; “Is this the best place for HER and for OUR family?”

So, here’s my cop out of an answer….I’m sorry if you were looking for more drama….but it has nothing to do with the different dynamic of daycare or nanny. It doesn’t matter (right now especially) if one schools “academics” are supposedly leaps and bounds over another one. It doesn’t matter if NO other mom that you know has used this nanny before. All that matters is that your baby is in a place that he or she is LOVED on unconditionally, with healthy boundaries for everyone involved and that YOU as a family are comfortable with your decision.

G and I would walk into her school, and she knew EVERYONE by name (including the cleaning staff, which warmed my heart more than anything else in the world). I felt how loved she felt and I felt safe and secure. And the same goes for our nanny. Her own kids are at our house a lot, and I love them all and they love my babies with all of their hearts. Neither option is WRONG, ever, and for anyone to tell you otherwise…well, they need to be kicked out of the mom club. I am not here to judge you on your choices, and I hope you respect me for mine. What matters is that YOU are confident in what YOU decide, without the influence of everyone (or even ANYONE) else. 

I think one logical piece of advice when you’re trying to choose between nanny or day care is this, NOTHING is permanent. How are you supposed to know what you like, until you’ve experienced it? (this is why I think it’s ridiculously unfair as a working mom to have childcare ALL sorted out before you even HAVE the thing that needs the care). We’ve tried a lot of different combos and learned that various options work better at various phases of life. One thing that works SPLENDIDLY for us…may be another child’s worst environment. When we make a huge decision, such as childcare, we often think it’s so final. It’s NOT, and if there is one thing I’ve learned in this crazy journey called life, it is that if you are willing to have faith, God will faithfully take care of you, and your family.  Doors will open (sometimes literally if you’re on a daycare waiting list) that you never dreamed possible. I know that sounds like such a cop out…..trust and He’ll provide, but it has YET to fail me as a parent. 

I think the second piece of logical advice when choosing your childcare situation, is in fact, not logical at all. Be willing to have an open mind. Man alive, there are SO many things that I have said “never” to, and before I know it….as a parent, I’m in that place of “never” and I’m happy as a clam. Don’t follow your “shoulds” when it comes to childcare, follow your heart, even if it’s an atypical solution for you. Be willing to SEE those open doors and try them out, even if it was your “never”. Obviously the people or the place that is the space of your child’s care need be safe, healthy, accredited, etc but don’t get stuck on something that is unobtainable and miss out on what is potentially the solution. We have so many friends that “never” thought they’d use full time day care, and now are there and LOVE it. I was DEAD SET on full time day care when we had our first, and our solution could not have been more different. 

Last, and what I truly believe is the most important of all….is how YOU are with your children when they’re not in the care of someone else. When we ask the question of daycare versus nanny, we’re essentially asking, what will create the best possible situation for my child to be the best version of themselves? And the answer is you.

I try to be present with my babies. I try to play with them in a way that lets them know the true blessing they are to me. I try (often unsuccessfully) to NOT snap at them when they’re inconveniencing me or driving me bonkers. I try to show them that I love God. I try to teach them selflessness, and more than anything, I just want them to KNOW, to be SURE, just how loved they are. I praise them, I give them adoration, I smother them in kisses and I tell them both every single day that they are the light of my world, because it’s true. And they can feel that. SO here’s what I want in my childcare… the people and the places that I believe in my heart to share the same ultimate goal as me….to let my babies know they’re loved. 

I think the question for you then, is what do you want in YOUR childcare?

That’s what matters, is that you and your family find the solution that fits YOU and your BABY’S needs. Not those of anyone else. 

Disclaimer: I am obviously and of course referring to nannies and daycares that are accredited, that can provide resources, that do not employ people with records of abuse, etc etc. We as parents have the responsibility to do the due diligence and research on any place or person that will be watching our babies.