Whether you’re a stay at home mom, working mom, or you’re like me and you’re a married single parent, being a mom isn’t always easy.
What’s a married single parent? Think military wife, surgeon’s wife, CEO’s wife, or like me, a wife who is on her own during the week due to her husband’s travel schedule. We each have our own set of challenges and our own unique ways of getting through the week. Actually, sometimes you have to come up with unique ways to get through the next minute!
So let’s talk about us. Too often, we are pushed to the bottom of the list, after meals, naps, diapers, playtime, baths, playgroups, lessons, errands, chores and all the other things that seem to require our attention 24 hours a day. It’s far too easy to become rundown, to put off taking care of ourselves and ultimately, everyone suffers. I don’t know about your house, but around here, when I’m having a bad day, everyone’s having a bad day! This naturally leads to the mommy guilt – the thought that I should be doing better, that I should handle things with more grace. My only job is taking care of my child, I should be better at it!
That’s when I know I have to cut myself some slack and at all costs, I have to take time to mother the mother. Now, while an all-day trip to the spa for some deluxe pampering is what I’d *really* like to have, that’s not always (practically never) possible. So I’ve come up with a few things that help to put a little gas back in my tank.
We have a dog. Scratch that, we have a GIANT dog. Who sheds – everywhere. And has a lot of energy. And if she doesn’t get her walk, you guessed it, we’re all having a bad day. I won’t lie, there have been some days when I was thisclose to opening the door and letting her run away! When I’m having one of those days, I make a special effort to grab my iPod when we go for a walk.
I used to be a yoga instructor and my iPod is loaded with lots of soothing, calming yoga music. I don’t like to wear headphones when we’re out on our walks because I want to be able to hear the baby and I feel like I need to be aware of my surroundings at all times. But there’s a walking path near my house that’s nice and flat, I can see everything, and when it’s a particularly rough day, I put in my headphones and let the music play. I take that time to meditate and re-center myself. Most people think meditation is thinking about nothing but on the contrary, it’s focusing your energy and thoughts on just one thing. I like to focus on my breathing. With each step I take, I draw my awareness to my breath. I breathe deep into my belly and exhale fully. That simple act does wonders to energize and calm me; it’s amazing how often I simply forget to breathe!
Another thing I like to do is paint my toenails. As much as I wish I could get weekly pedicures, it’s not in the cards. But if I get that rare night where it’s actually easy to put her to bed, I make a break for my polish! Now, even though I have all the tools for a full self-pedicure sometimes all I have the energy for is a fresh coat of polish. But it’s amazing what a pop of bright pink on my toes can do for my mood! And of course I just glanced down at my toes and it’s definitely time for a polish date.
I’ll tell you the next one if you promise not to laugh.
Sometimes when the house is dirty, I have no idea what to make for dinner and there is dog hair on every conceivable surface, I load up the baby, put the dog in her crate and walk out the door. I make a beeline for my favorite store and simply walk the aisles. I don’t look for anything in particular and these trips I rarely buy anything. I just need to get out of the house and the people watching is usually enough to get the baby to calm down. Those times I put her in the basket part of the cart with a small snack and a toy or two and we just cruise. I guess sometimes she needs a change of scenery too.
And I know I’m not the only one. Sometimes I’ll see other mothers with their babies in the basket part of the cart and sometimes we make eye contact and give a knowing smile, wishing each other strength to get through the next minute. And sometimes that’s all you need.
What about you? How do you take those precious few minutes to take care of yourself? What’s your favorite way to mother the mother?
I loved this post! I was a married “single” person up until a week or so ago, and know exactly what it feels like to just need to decompress; and often baby had to be around.
We would often treat ourselves to a date night. I’d take my little one to a sit-down (but fast) restaurant and enjoy just getting out of the house and eating food I didn’t have to make.