I don’t know why me, but I have found myself in a position where I give a ton of advice to other moms. Some of it is unsolicited (I try really hard not to do that too often) but for the most part, it is because moms I know have come to me to talk about their concerns. In any case, the other day I heard myself giving someone guidance that I truly believed with all of my heart, but as soon the words came out of my mouth, I realized that I was not practicing what I was preaching.
Upon further realization, I started to think of all the things I tell other parents but am not particularly good at doing myself. . .and the list became long. . .
“Sleep when the baby is sleeping!”
Yes this is advice that probably goes back hundreds of years but now that I am back at work, I am particularly horrible at doing this. When I was on maternity leave it was easier, but on weekends my free time is so limited that I have a hard time dropping everything while my baby naps. My 4.5 month old still hates sleep-I am lucky to get a four hour stretch. I am great about spending time on the couch, but I find myself on my phone playing Candy Crush or browsing Facebook instead of napping.
“Let your partner help.”
This is advice I was particularly good at doing with my first. My second. . .well everything that worked with my first doesn’t with her, so it is like we are brand new parents again. My youngest prefers the comfort of me– hands down. I try my best to let my husband take on equal responsibility (beyond breastfeeding. Oh how I wish he could help with that!) but when she has been crying for 20 minutes and my husband is giving me the, “I give up” look-I give in and take her. I know that parental preference is a phase, but I’m genuinely concerned that if I keep giving in (even though he never actually asks me to) she will never swing the other way.
“It is just a phase!”
Speaking of phases, I have the worst time accepting it. It is so much easier to tell other parents to just ignore whatever particular issue that is going on. For example, my four year old has taken to calling me and my husband by our first names. When I’m good at ignoring it, she hardly ever calls me, “Cassidy” but the moment I remind her that I’m, “Mommy” she sticks with first names for a couple of days. If the worst thing my daughter calls me is by my first name, I’m feeling good. Still-it irritates me to no end (which she knows and is why she does it) and I need to pick my battles.
“Forgive yourself.”
Krystal wrote an excellent post on this awhile back when a total accident happened while she was in the hospital. No matter if it is physical or emotional trauma you believe you have inflicted upon your children, forgive yourself.
This past weekend I was in a mood, and not a good one. Everything was setting me off and I was just irritated. I tried really hard to not let it impact how I interacted with my daughters but I found myself snapping when all my oldest wanted to do was play with me. As I reflected upon our weekend, I was feeling guilty for “wasting” the moments we had together with a bad attitude–my daughter turned to me, seemingly sensing my guilt, and told me that she was sad that it was time for us to go back to work/daycare because she had had so much fun with me.
“Take pictures of yourself with your kids.”
While this particular advice is rampant these days, it keeps getting retold because too many moms aren’t listening to it–myself included. I will ask my husband to take a picture of me and the kids from time to time but more often I find myself wanting to ask but feeling silly or that I will annoy him. Our kids deserve to have us in pictures, even if it is with messy hair and no makeup, and we deserve to be a part of their documented life.
I suppose advice about parenting is like any other part of life-it is easier said then done. I’m going to try though!
What advice do you give that you wish you followed yourself?
