I have four kids. Voluntarily. Having four children moved us from some sort of sphere where people with one, two, or even three children consider you to have gone from “normal” to Duggar*. It has also probably made me the teensiest bit defensive, as you can only hear a stranger say “Wow, you really have your hands full!” so many times before you want to point out to them that your children have ears and don’t appreciate the intimation that they’re a burden.
You see, having four kids is a lot of work, all the time. It is a joy and an adventure and something I love every day. But it’s still hard work. Even though the kids will play together for short periods of time completely happy without me, having four kids is definitely harder than having just one child. Or so I thought. . .
As we moved from one child to two, then to three, and finally to four, something in my thinking shifted…dramatically. I found myself looking at posts of friends on Facebook with one child and thinking “They think they’re busy?! Ha! Try having four kids to wrestle all day. Then you’ll know what busy is!” It’s not nice, but I’m being honest.
Somewhere along the lines I started thinking that my life was exponentially busier and sometimes more difficult than any of my friends with fewer children. Not in a “regretting our family type of way”, but in a (if I’m being honest) pity-party kind of way.
Then, one day, my mother-in-law took my 9 year old and my 6 year old for a week so they could go visit her and so I could have a bit of a break. My mother, who recently moved here from out of state, then volunteered to have my 3 year old come and stay with her for a few days, as well.
Let me tell you that immediately the planning and scheming commenced. I knew exactly what I was going to do every single day that I only had one child at home.
I was going to go out to lunch with my friends whom I hadn’t seen in almost a year. I was going to lay down when he laid down so that I could get a nap more than once a month. I was going to bake bread, go to Hobby Lobby, sit on the floor and play with my little boy, and have a clean house and hot dinner waiting every day when my husband came home from work. And I really believed all of these things were going to happen, specifically because I only had one child at home with me.
I REMEMBERED exactly what it was like to have one child at home. It was like this:
And it was like this:
What I’d like to tell you was that having one child at home was calm, peaceful, and enjoying baking together. It was reading quietly and taking walks and having ample leisure time. It was laundry done and folded and a swept floor and a clean home. It was easy-peasy. Right?!
Ummmm, no. NO NO NO.
Every day that I was home alone with my less than one year old I proceeded to eat a large piece of humble pie.
Instead of sitting down for a nice, leisurely, breakfast I fed most of my meal to the baby. I then didn’t get to eat again until his nap (because he only wanted to eat what I was eating). I suddenly appreciated how helpful my other children were at distracting him at the table so I could chow down. Instead of playing on the floor with him with my feet outstretched, I followed him around the house as he turned the house into a tornado zone. How could one child have the desire to relocate so MANY stinkin’ objects in our home? Instead of folded laundry it was me folding laundry that he then pulled down as soon as my back was turned. When I tried to put the laundry away he followed me screeching to be picked up, so the laundry ended up messy and piling up.
What had happened to my plan? My plan was wrong, and I had clearly forgotten how hard it is to be a mom no matter how many kids you have.
I forgotten times like this:
and only remembered the easy times.
* * * * *
So here it is Mom of One: I’m sorry. I’m sorry for thinking that your life was so much easier, and for even discounting (in my head) the hardships you faced because you “only had one”. I’m sorry for holding you up to a standard that is not only unrealistic, but also a figment of my sleepless-mom imagination. And now that I’ve eaten my last piece of humble pie, I’m going to go let my kids distract each other so I can do some laundry.
**We apologize in advance if a reference to the Duggar Family offends you. This post was written prior to recent media events, but you get our point!
I am a mom of one- wanting more and they will come someday.
I wonder sometimes if it does get easier with more kids- yes there is more mess, more fighting. BUT they can at least entertain each other a bit more.
One child is always needing his mama. There’s no one else to go bug! 🙂
Whether it’s one child or many children, kids need and use all resources available. Our oldest is 20 months older than our second, and five years older than our third – all girls, all wonderful and all in need of all the time and attention that can be provided. It’s the best, most challenging job imaginable, and I’m quick to add that I took it as a very healthy sign when they figured out how to join forces against “the parental unit.” Nothing keeps a smart kid busy like another smart kid. Soldier on!
I am the mother of a 2 1/2 years old daughter. To be honest, having only one child is much easier than having more. I can see the life of friends with two or three children and they are much more busy, tired and deprived of everything (sleep, vacations, one to one time, husband-wife time, seeing friends etc).Finding the equilibrium with more than one child is a more demanding process. Describing your week with one child that is less than one year old is not at all representative of the reality of only child families. Once the child gets two and even more when it gets three and starts going to school, the life of the family is ten times easier. That’s the pro of having one. All the things you had imagined you could have done with only one child at home, would certainly have been done, if you had kept with you the three years old instead of the baby. That’s why the decision about having a second child is so hard once you get used to the calm life of having an only child. Hope we all make the best for us (couples) and our children.