Grief and loss are usually associated with losing a person close to you. However, ask any breast cancer survivor and he or she will tell you grief and loss can actually be about losing a piece — or pieces — of yourself.
It was July 31, 2018. I was sitting alone by the pool enjoying the sunshine when my doctor called with my breast cancer diagnosis. My husband was at work, and my kids were on a fun beach vacation. I was alone. I called my husband and mom to tell them the news and then I cried till my husband got home. Suddenly that sunshine wasn’t so bright and I started to grieve.
Grief
Even five years later, recurring grief is a constant in my daily life. My husband and I were watching a show about stories from a busy ER, and I had to turn it off. I was immediately taken back to a vision from one of my 10 surgeries. I could recall the smells and the sights and immediately my stomach started to turn. I have a reaction like this every day, but every day I am reminded of the things we have gone through.
>> RELATED READ :: 5 Things to Do for Someone Battling Breast Cancer <<
Loss
Since being diagnosed with breast cancer, I have lost many things. There are the obvious things such as strength in my arms and feeling in the surgical areas. The hardest things have been losing my comfort in my own skin, my identity as a woman, and, hardest of all, my memory of the events surrounding my diagnosis.
Thankfully, I’ve always made a point at writing things down and making lists. Without those and my husband, who was my primary caregiver, I wouldn’t remember much about those years.
Was I a difficult patient? I don’t remember. My husband says I wasn’t.
When did I first leave the house after my mastectomy? Thankfully I took pictures of my progress, so I know I left the house for the first time five days later to watch my boys play baseball.
It’s as if my heart and brain have healed over the painful, emotional wounds just like the physical scars on my chest.
I knew going in to this grieving process, I had two choices: Merely survive or absolutely thrive. Thriving immediately jumped out at me.
I hate when people say being strong was the only option, but it is the truth. I knew no different.
Diagnosed with Breast Cancer? Here’s What You’ll Need
Not everyone has the same breast cancer journey of grief and loss. Some of us struggle less or more. Sometimes it just depends on the day. Here’s what helped my journey.
- A strong team of supporters.
- A journal to write down all my thoughts so my head would stop spinning.
- A positive mindset to overcome all the negative thrown at me.
- Physical exercise that helped me stay active and help recovery go faster.
>> RELATED READ :: Breast Cancer Survivor :: I Wear Pink Year Round <<
I learned the grieving process for a breast cancer survivor never ends. The best way to heal is to be okay with your new normal. Embrace the person you have become. Allow yourself to grieve, but you can’t stay there forever.
