One of the main questions I get asked now that we’ve had baby number 2 (besides ‘How is she sleeping?‘) is “How is Miles doing with his new baby sister?”
A question that makes sense, considering how much I was worried about that before Natalie arrived. And while I assume there are many different variables that would make a difference — from age difference to whether or not your toddler goes to pre-school to how many siblings there are in the family, to name a few — I have noticed a few things that have really helped Miles accept and love his new baby sister.
Photo Credit – Bratton Photography
1. Miles is allowed to play with, touch, or sit in anything that ‘technically’ belongs to Natalie. From day one Miles loved to sit in his sister’s bounce seat. When we left the car seat out — he immediately got in it. Instead of saying anything – I let him play in the too-small bouncy and laugh. When he plays with her paci, I don’t make a big deal out of it. No matter what it is — we can clean it. We are going to expect him to share his toys with her – so she should have to share with him. And I honestly feel that letting him touch/play with anything that’s “hers” will help him feel less jealous of her in general.
2. We ask Miles to help with his baby sister, but we never expect him to. Miles is technically old enough to help fetch diapers or put the baby’s paci back in her mouth if I’m busy or driving the car. But sometimes he acts like the 3 year old he is and doesn’t want to. And that’s okay. I don’t want him to resent helping. I want him to like doing it!
3. Along those same lines — we ask Miles to kiss/love on his sister, but never force him to. We love to see him (and get pictures of him) loving on his sister, but if we ask too often or try to force him to give her a kiss or hug – he gets frustrated. It’s best to ask once and if wants to – GREAT, but if not – we don’t make a big deal or push. He’ll love her on his own terms.
4. We found a simple way for Miles and his newborn sibling to “play” together! Miles loves to jump on our couch and we let him (GASP). One day he was jumping and I picked Natalie up and pretended she was jumping with him. When he fell on his bottom, so did she. And he LOVED this new game with his sister!! He asks to play with her several times a day and I always try to comply. I can hardly wait to see them play together on their own — and in my mind this is a great start!
5. One on one time with Mommy and Miles. This one is probably the most obvious, but also the hardest. It’s so important to make time for putting the new baby down and spending some quality one-on-one time with my toddler! Thankfully newborns nap often and Miles dropped his nap right when Natalie was born. Now we get alone time for building castles or reading books — just the two of us. And I can absolutely see the difference in Miles’ personality on days we are just too busy for our time together.
But — Natalie is only 2 months old. I fully expect this ride to have many more ups and downs. And these are just a few of the suggestions that have worked for us so far. I’d love to hear how you helped the older sibling(s) get along with the newest additions to your family!! Please let me know in the comments!
