Some babies roll with the punches. They can party hard til 9pm at night, sleep in the next morning and keep going like nothing ever happened. They dance at wedding reception alongside their parents, go to family dinners at 7pm on week nights, and generally just go with the flow.
Then there’s my babies. They can’t roll with the punches. Ever. They take one nap later than normal and all hell breaks loose. My 14 month old didn’t nap one morning at church and six days later, I’m still paying for it. He hasn’t slept through the night since then, nap times have been a battle every day and his cranky levels have been through the roof. It takes around a week to get back on track from one. missed. nap.
It’s not that bad. I’ve learned to deal with it. We just have friends over here to play with big brother. We hire morning babysitters every few weeks so I can take big brother out to on special dates. We get to church and Bible Study early each week, so he can fall asleep before everyone else shows up.
Surprisingly, having what Dr. Sears calls a “high needs baby” hasn’t been the hardest part of the 14 months of my son’s life (although he refused all bottles, didn’t sleep for a stretch longer than an hour til 6 months old, and cried the majority of the first 5 months of his life). It’s the judgement I feel from other moms for having to stick to such an ardent schedule. I know that most of them are genuinely just trying to help, but the fact remains: Ben needs a highly-scheduled environment to be happy.
It took me several months to finally come to a huge realization: I am my son’s only advocate, day in and day out. There is no one else (other than my husband) whose first and last and every thought is my son’s well being. He is certainly loved and cared for by wonderful family, friends and babysitters, but at the end of the day, I am his main advocate. This realization has freed me from so much mommy guilt. He is my son and I am choosing to fight for what is best for him: a strict schedule that allows him to sleep and therefore be happy.
I know this is just a season. Before I know it, he will be racing through my house wreaking havoc with his older brother and I’ll be missing the quiet days where he napped. But for today, I am going to fight for his best and know that I am always making the right choice when I put him first. I might miss out on some activities, receive the occasional crazy look or be late to some events waiting for him to wake up, but he is worth it.
What about you? Have you had to make some decisions for your kids that got you crazy looks?
My babies have both been high needs babies in different ways. Day to day it’s easy to handle because we stick to our routine and they were happy. The hard part was going to visit family. With my first I felt like they didn’t have any respect for how important his sleep and eating schedule was. I felt like I was literally fighting them to get them to understand that if they want to see a happy baby he has to be on a tight schedule. I was made to feel like I was being too strict and crazy over something so silly. It’s taken four years of saying the same thing over and over until they have understood that. hopefully with this baby it won’t be so hard.
Oh my it feels so good to know I’m not alone! I was most surprised that some family members didn’t understand that I was doing what was best for my daughter, she needed sleep and food on the same schedule/routine we always had because that is what she needed. It did feel like a fight most of the time, and like I was the only one that put her needs before everything else (yes even your unannounced visit grandma….). And then making me feel guilty or that I was in the wrong! I always said I wasn’t sorry for putting her needs before everyone else but still had some guilt. But after this post I will not feel bad, knowing my mommy instinct was right and other moms do what I did too, mommy power!
My son has autism so we can’t make last minute events, he doesn’t have a rush bone in his body. It doesn’t bother me at all, I learn to say no to things that interrupt my peace.
Good on you for doing what’s best for YOUR family. Us Moms can be so hard on each other and I think that is so beyond backward.