Dallas Moms Blog has partnered with City Moms Blog and Zondervan Publishing to bring you this post and Twitter Party announcement. All opinions are 100% our own.
Friends? That seems so tenth grade. Who has time for that now?
You have friends when you are single or, at a minimum, kid-free. Girlfriends are for leisurely bargain-spotting strolls through the mall or for extended-stay trips to Starbucks. I had no time for either. After kiddo number three appeared, I changed my Facebook status to read, “Director of Domestic Relations” and resolved that the only “outside-of-my-house” friends I’d have for the next eighteen years would be my tight-knit group of 583 profile pictures.
Moms don’t have friends. At least not real friends—not the kind of friends who are fun or understand you or would actually buy you a birthday present cool enough to wear in public.
Instead they have momma-quaintnces–those women you run into at the playground (on the days when you didn’t change out of your spit-up covered shirt). You make small talk about your kids’ ages, nose-picking habits, and latest viruses. Then, when you’ve had enough, you smile and in a high-pitched voice say, “We should get together some day!”
Alternatively, there are these fascinating gatherings called playgroups–where you are corralled into what seems like friendship–sorted only by virtue of your child’s date of issue. Because you have a two-year-old and I have a two-year-old, we obviously have enough in common to at least share kid snacks. (Nothing signifies a bosom buddy like a willingness to open your Ziploc bag of Goldfish and allow another woman’s child to take a handful.)
I wondered: Is this what friendship looks like after you’re a parent?
Immediately after I birthed my fourth baby (in five years), I knew something would have to change if I were to stay sane. The days felt dull. Caillou was getting on my nerves and even nap time had lost its thrill. I was starting to crack.
Around the same time, my husband’s job changed. As a couple we were warned that our new life (thanks to his occupation) would yield lonely days. A mature, trusted, mentor looked me in the eyes and said, “Heather, you need friends if you are going to do this. Do you have any?”
Sure. Friends? Yeah, I have friends. You mean other than Facebook? Oh. Hmmm. . .Well, there’s that woman–the one I see sometimes–at the place…She’s nice. . .
Okay. No, I don’t have any friends.
His advice: Find some!
I embraced his charge and I did something crazy. I asked someone to be my friend.
Yes, it was exactly as weird as it sounds. I did it via text because I am a (big) chicken. A woman with whom I shared a similar background–we were both military spouses in California who had relocated to Texas–was my target. I really liked Karla. We had spent a little time together when our first borns were babies, but there was no “defined” relationship.
So one day, I typed the words, “Hey, would you be my friend?”
Much to my surprise. Karla wrote back. “Wow, I would be honored.” (Turns out that the question is more flattering than creepy.)
Since that day, my relationship with Karla has grown. Although we could stand to live a little closer, we try to schedule regular times to get together. I always know I can count on her to listen and give me honest feedback when I need it. And, she knows she can count on the same from me. If given the chance to sit and talk kid-free, we can often skip the shallow pleasantries and get right to the good stuff.
The truth is: I need friends. And you do, too.
It’s hard. I know. I totally get that. So I’m not going to leave you with serious advice and no help. Instead, I’m going to tell you about a resource to guide you through the awkwardness.
It’s a brand new book by author Melanie Dale called, “Women are Scary.” (Just by the title alone you know this won’t be a stiff read.) This lady merits a legit “LOL” more than any woman I know. Her book is a combination of hilarious stories and quirky insights from a mom who has navigated the road of making true mommy friends. Almost every single page made me laugh or, at a minimum, smile.
If you are pining away over I Love Lucy reruns wondering if you’ll ever have an Ethel to your Lucy again, this book is for you. Melanie is authentic and insightful. She’ll make you laugh, yes, but she’ll also set you solidly on course for altering your life in a healthy way by making new mom friends. So what are you waiting for? Order your copy of “Women are Scary” today by clicking on this link.
P.S. Melanie says she’ll come and scrape the 1980s wallpaper out of your kitchen if you buy 1000 copies. Some of you may want to do a cost-benefit analysis on that one. (See I told you she was hilarious.)
The legal part. This post was sponsored by Zondervan publishers. My opinion and story are my own but I was compensated for writing this post.
