Denim jumpers. Fourteen children crammed in a fifteen-passenger van. Colorful letters-of-the-alphabet signs doubling as home decor…
This is what I thought the homeschooling mother was all about.
That is until I became one.
I had read other posts about how great homeschooling is…but I still thought those women were a little unconventional if not a tad “off.” (No offense, Kelly.)
Now, I’m quite convinced that, as a homeschooling mom, I am part of an elite club—a new breed of so-called un-schooling mothers—that may be able to take over the world.
Not that we intend to. At least I don’t…at least not this week…I have laundry to do…
Joking aside, it struck me today when I listened to a local radio DJ throw out his morning trivia question to a listener who—on the spot—won a nice cash prize simply by knowing the answer. In an era where many Americans struggle to remember the name of the Vice President and would be hard pressed to dissect a sentence, this woman confidently answered a reasonably difficult American history question and then made this statement:
“I’m a homeschool mom. I’d better know that one.”
Real Talk
Hear’s the truth: I graduated from both college and graduate school with honors. And yet, I don’t think I have ever learned more in my adult life than I have during my past six months of homeschooling.
It amazes me. I was so frightened to take my children out of a traditional school setting. I was worried that I would not be able to teach them. I’m not a teacher by nature. (In fact, after just one hour of teaching the children’s class at church, I usually need comfort foods and a three-hour nap. Truth.)
What if I fail? What if I bring them home and they won’t listen to me? Then they won’t learn anything. They’ll never get into college…they’ll still live under our roof when they are twenty-seven because they can’t get a job. What if????
Concern. Panic. Sheer terror.
These were just a few of the emotions I experienced as I considered the homeschooling option.
A good friend told me that I’d love it. “You’ll learn a lot,” she said. As if that was supposed to be encouraging. Learning? Uh, I served my hard time on that front. Did I really want to learn more? Would I enjoy it?
The answer is YES.
And now that I’m in the club, I realize how utterly and completely wrong my stereotype of the homeschool mom really was. Want to know the truth about the new breed of homeschooling moms? They are pretty amazing, actually.
Here are three traits that completely surprised me:
1. Homeschool moms are smart.
Most of the women I’ve met in my new homeschool circles are interesting, thoughtful, and great to talk to because they are grounded by solid convictions and well-read. That doesn’t mean you have to be a brainiac to homeschool. It’s worth emphasizing that a lot of homeschool moms are extremely sharp because they are lifelong learners who actively learn alongside their children.
This is so opposite of the stereotypes I had accepted. Contrary to what anti-homeschool propaganda tried to make me believe, the homeschooling mom is anything but simple. She’s a master of many subjects. Her math skills may be unmatched, and her knowledge of history and geography and other subjects (the facts you memorize to make it through the test and then forget forever…), well, she knows all that stuff, too!
In fact, I’m thinking about trying out for Jeopardy!…
But here’s the other thing I’ve learned about homeschooling mommas: They don’t often feel brilliant. They have worries, fears, and doubts about their children’s education just like every mom. Which leads me to point number two…
2. Homeschool moms are courageous.
Moms who decide to take on their children’s schooling have some kind of guts. Insane amounts of courage, in many cases. Don’t underestimate the strength it takes to break free from a conventional and universally accepted system and say, “Hey, I think I’m going to try this a different way.” Just telling people that you’ve made the decision to homeschool often requires Teflon-coated skin.
I don’t think I was born with that kind of courage. But when the time came for me to seriously consider the homeschooling option—I found it.
My situation was bad.
My son was getting perfect grades, had excellent behavior at school, and was by all accounts one of his (very warm and caring) teacher’s favorites. He was at a great elementary school just eight blocks from our house.
Wait…that doesn’t sound bad at all? The truth is, it all looked good on the outside, but he wasn’t happy.
His teacher did express one concern: He was unmotivated to do anything extra beyond his normal workload. I believed her because at home my once inquisitive child—who had transcribed every name from the 200-page Star Wars encyclopedia at age 4—only wanted to play video games. He rejected any additional learning. Though he was a great reader, he complained about it. He was tired. He had developed some nervous habits. He started telling me his belly hurt every morning and every night before bed…
He had changed, and I missed my happy, curious, easy-to-get along with son.
But, I was so scared. Homeschooling? There has to be another option…Could I do it? Would I hate it? Would they hate it?
Then I saw all the proof I needed. A homeschooling mom I knew who was more likely to own a pair of Miss Me jeans than a denim jumper invited us to a play date at the park. It was a Tuesday morning, and her elementary-aged boys would run, jump, and climb on the playground’s equipment, then do this amazing thing: They’d sit down and read for a few minutes before heading back out for another game.
They were happy. They seemed relaxed. They were playing and acting like children.
I was amazed. I wanted that for my children too.
Which leads me to point three…
3. Homeschool moms are NOT backwards.
In fact, I’d say homeschool moms are some of the most forward-thinking people I’ve ever met because they are thinking about their children’s future all of the time.
This isn’t to say other moms aren’t always thinking about what lies ahead for their children; rather to say that the archaic stereotype of the socially-stunted homeschooling family just isn’t a reality.
People choose to homeschool in order to have the freedom to allow their children to pursue their dreams (like the large number of Olympic athletes who are homeschooled). I’d argue that it’s the progressive thinker who desires to give her children the liberty to work at their own pace instead of being limited to learning at the same pace as their peers. Homeschooled children can sometimes have even greater opportunities in the areas of athletics, the arts, and business simply because they are able to spend more time pursuing their passions. If you haven’t watched the “Hack School” TedX Talk yet, check it out.
Homeschool moms are not confined to one-size-fits-all systems that say school must be done a certain way. Instead, they are free to experiment with curricula to match learning styles and add programs and activities that meet their children’s special needs and fit their unique personalities. There’s nothing backwards about taking on the responsibility of specially designing your children’s entire education around their gifts, skills, and abilities. The program we use called Classical Conversations is a completely different education style and philosophy…but it’s been fantastic for my children and the way they like to learn.
Homeschooling is not what it used to be.
I never really thought I’d be a homeschool mom. But now I wouldn’t change it for anything!
Way to lay it out there, girl! Love your humor and clear, concise ideas. You are a talented writer. I look forward to joining the CC community very soon and learning from you and so many other great homeschooling mommas around here. Blessings!
I never reply to blog posts (now I can’t say that) but you exactly described my situation three years ago! Great school, great grades, great behavior! But, the love of learning, of reading, of being a kid turned completely off! My daughter would say, “My tummy is angry”. She was so anxious about school and such a perfectionist about it. She put on such a show (that everything was fine) at school and was so unhappy about it. The exact day that I got up enough courage to pull her out, she came back. She giggled again, and that’s when I knew this was right for us…for her.
I get the same looks when my son proudly states my mom is my teacher, my school is at home. I never planned to home school. I have two college degrees, I worked in the EMS field and now in the nursing field. I was raised in public school along with all my friends and rest of my family. Never really heard of home school other than on TV but when my happy go lucky son started to spiral into panic attacks and being sick everyday before school, I knew that I have to help him. Considering my job choices over the years, fear was not a big factor, nor the thought of teaching, because I have taught my own peers. I discovered that teaching my child was quite a bit daunting, I want him to know but not to point that I cause the panic attacks that we escaped from. Love your way of thinking, I had to a friend (not of the homeschooling variety)read your article and she said she could image me writing this, we are kindred souls. I luckily have had lots of encouragement, family and friend cheerleaders and only one of two poor souls that questioned me. Bless those in my life that instead of standing on the sidelines when people questioned my choices, they circle the wagons and tell the naysayers, unless you are in her shoes, don’t judge. Blessing and Good Luck, on your continued adventure!
I’m glad you are finding the benefit in joining us homeschoolers, but disappointed to see you insult the older generations or those that look different from your own family. There is as much diversity among homeschoolers as there is among public schoolers and that’s a good thing. I don’t personally wear denim jumpers but know hs moms who do and also have many kids, and they are incredibly intelligent and wonderful parents. Let’s not forget that those families who are “what it used to be” are the ones that gave us the statistics of the average homeschooler falling in the 87th percentile academically. And their pioneering the right to homeschool is why you are lucky enough to have that option today. I agree with your sentiment but you could have expressed it without acting superior to others.
I wholeheartedly agree that this article is offensive to those who laid the groundwork for homeschooling in the U.S. and who probably wrote much of the curricula all you new homeschoolers are using today.
I am thrilled that homeschooling has reached a place where people can just yank their kids out of school and have a plethora of curriculum and resources at their fingertips. But, do not insult those of us who came before you who had zero information or help. We fought, scraped and invented our own.
You can’t even imagine what it felt like the first day I looked at my wide-eyed third grader across the dinner table and realized, in a panic, I had no idea what to do next. Internet searches pulled up little to no information, there was no School Box, no Amazon, no ebay. I remember frantically combing through Walmart’s book section looking for any workbook that might help me get started.
My generation and the generation that came before me are the ones that made it so easy for you who follow in our paths today. You are only the latest convert to an elite group of strong, intelligent women who cared more about their children than themselves and were willing to sacrifice everything to prove it.
There was NO internet when I started. At a curriculum sale what you would find most was being printed on a mimeograph in someone’s garage and they would send you correction pages as editing was needed.
Homeschooling back then was begun with real fear and trepidation… actual heart pounding, knees wobbling fear. Because other people were willing to TAKE YOUR KIDS AWAY just because they didn’t understand your commitment.
I DO understand the sentiment of this article and that it was not meant to be hurtful. However, these later generations of homeschoolers are rapidly forgetting how they are blessed by the blood, sweat and tears of homeschool pioneers and those early brave families.
Jenny, I have to agree with you, this could be construed as perpetuating the stereotype that more experienced homeschool moms are backwards and uneducated compared to their younger, more enlightened counterparts. I also started homeschooling before there was Internet and we needed to understand the material well enough to write our own curriculum. Back then the bias against homeschooling was even greater and you did not jump into it on a whim as some seem to do today. I am glad the author found homeschooling and is sharing about it on this blog, but the tone is a little bit condescending toward the pioneers who often risked jail time as they fought for the right for all of us to raise our own children.
So true! There WERE people who were willing to take your kids away. We were careful for many years who we told we were home schooling. And, there was very little to work with. The ones who paved the way for home schoolers today should be thanked, not mocked. We were not stupid, frumps who made our kids sit at school desks and fill in work sheets all day!!! We also wanted the best for our children and fought to make it happen.
Excellent article! Welcome to this homeschool world!! -though sorry you had to come in through bad experience and needing to reject the school.
My only issue is the teasing of/comparison to the denim jumper homeschool mom’s before us. That not only paved the way for us, but cleared the forests and plowed it all down for us!
1) Those gals were smart before anyone had a clue! They saw and understood the direction of the educational system early on.
2) Talk about courage! They had to fight for the right to home educate, sometimes hiding it because of being illegal. Then to teach without internet, without massive amounts of available curriculum, and under constant social scrutiny. I don’t think I’d be nearly as successful without the computers in my home!
3)Backwards?! They led the charge that started this whole movement that may be able to reform the system itself! As far as socially awkward goes, they were completely ostracized and isolated not necessarily by their own choice but by the rejection of everyone else who couldn’t understand the homeschool intent. I have to give them mad props for making it possible for me.
The denim jumpers? Well, I agree just ick. But I clearly remember several of my elementary school teachers wearing those same jumpers.
Anyway, that’s a stupid long comment! Sorry! I did enjoy your encouragement to homeschool moms. Thanks!!
Thanks for this. I have a super smart Toddler and everyone that’s heard me say I’d like to homeschool him has looked at me as if I’m crazy ! People have tried to convince me that I don’t want to do that.. I enjoyed reading your article..
I echo the above comments.,I began homeschooling in 1992, when my daughter was just 3. I was the outside, the renegade, in those days we called it Free Learning. We didn’t fit in with The Catholics, the Babtists or the hippies. We just knew we had to push through and create a path for you. Changing laws, quelling fears, being the oldest child, the tester. It wasn’t easy but it was worth every second. As a family we are strong, committed and deeply in love with each other, life and learning. You haven’t recreated the wheel, youre just enjoying the nicely paved roads. Your welcome.
I totally agree with your sentiments and enjoyed reading your article. I also get that you weren’t trying to bash the “older generation” of home schoolers, but I wish you could see the ACTUAL courage those women had! My jean jumper wearing mother (she even had the white tennis shoes to go with it) started homeschooling in 1985. I can remember being in Kindergarten and the few times we actually ventured outside of the house during school hours were pretty scary. First, people would ask why we weren’t in school, and when my Mom would tell them she home schooled the first thing they’d say was “is that legal?” Then they would get in my sister’s and my face and start drilling us on math facts and trying to make us read things to them. No one home schooled. Few had even heard about it. Not to mention they pretty much had to piece curriculum together out of thin air. No catalogs filled with curriculum choices and journals and starter kits and supplements arrived at their door. There weren’t conferences to encourage them in their endeavor, or really even support groups so they didn’t feel alone. They were alone and they did it anyway. They didn’t have access to the internet to help come up with lesson plans or supplements or handwriting pages. These women deserve to be honored and appreciated for everything they did to make homeschooling what it is today. I started home schooling my first child 5 years ago and the freedom, acceptance, and just wealth of information that this generation of home schooling mothers experience is, I feel, unappreciated because they don’t know any differently. The women before us were the courageous ones, jean jumpers and all. 🙂
Right on, Myssi! My parents started teaching my sister and me at home in 1983. Yes, we were totals frumps by today’s standards of beautiful. And my mama was still smart, brave and cutting edge, willing to give of herself freely to grow us up right. That is what what ANY day’s standard of beauty should be. This is a great article to highlight some of the misconceptions about homeschooling, but yeah, if you want to disparage my mama’s jean skirt and sneakers I’m going to have to set you straight!
Homeschool graduate, now with 19 years of homeschooling mama experience included 🙂
Myssi and Theresa, I am right there with you. When my mom started homeschooling me, she had a few denim jumpers and even fewer homeschooling curriculum resources. I respect her far more than I can express because of the courage she had to pull my brother and I out of school back in the early 90’s to homeschool us. I never would have made it this far in life if it hadn’t been for her strength.
Words have meaning;choose them carefully. Ideas have consequences.
What does the author think the “old” breed of homeschoolers was like? She’s not really very clear about that. She suggests in the first paragraph it’s the denim jumper wearing mom of many, but then she admits that was a distorted view. Too bad she never at any point corrected that view-that was always a small subset of homeschoolers. Since she didn’t specify what she thought the “old” breed was (this article is supposed to contrast between two things after all.) She’s setting herself up for a lot of criticism and is making it easy for people think that’s exactly who she thinks the “old” breed is.
1. Does she think unschoolers are the “new” breed and homeschoolers who mimic school at home are the “old” breed? Unschooling has been around for at least 3 decades now and has, depending on the criteria of classification, at least 3 distinct groups: adult directed, student interest led and free range.
2.Does she mean the “old” breed were denim jumper wearing mothers of many? That’s only been a subset of homeschoolers all along and when those denim jumpers were popular, they were popular among all pregnant women, not just homeschoolers.
3. She mentions Classical Conversations. There isn’t anything at all unschooly about it. There’s plenty of debate in the Classical Education Homeschooling community as to whether or not it’s even Classical or conversational.
4. Does she mean the “old” breed didn’t have the 3 characteristics she lists: smart, brave and forward thinking? Surely not. No one is so foolish to say write that kind of thing and leave their name and photo. If she does think the “old” breed had those traits, then it was a very bad idea to use the qualifier “new” in her title: Three Ways the NEW Breed of Homeschoolers Will Surprise You. You only use qualifiers to distinguish between groups or subsets. If she has simply left out “the new breed of homeschoolers” she wouldn’t have made implications I’m sure she didn’t mean.
Is the author unaware of the courage of the “old” breed? Is she aware there was an underground railroad type of network of some homeschoolers is the early years? Some homeschoolers had alarm words and escape routes their kids had practiced in case truant officers, social workers and police officers showed up at their homes in states where homeschooling was illegal or in legal limbo. Those children went to another homeschooler’s home and then were transported across state lines to slow down any legal proceedings by confusing jurisdiction.
That “old” breed homeschooled anyway. They had little to no curriculum, support groups, information or co-ops to choose from. They did it anyway. Colleges had never accepted homeschoolers before. They homeschooled anyway. Employers had never heard of homeschooling. They kept going. No internet. No Amazon.com.
There were homeschooling parents who had seen the inside of jail cells, courtrooms and legislative proceedings fighting to make homeschooling legal for the author. Some of them knew no one else in real life who homeschooled. Some of them heard every family member, their pastors, their friends and psychologists talking about the severe damage it would do their children. I heard them speak at homeschool conventions when I started homeschooling in 2000. Imagine how dramatic language today about having the “courage” to pull a child out of an institutional setting, mixing and matching curriculum and talk of “Teflon” sounds to me in comparison. I’m not even going to address “Taking over the world.” because I can’t be nice about it.
Homeschooling is so much is easier in every single way today. Never brag about your courage when you have it as easy as anyone ever has because there are people listening who had it much harder than you did.
As a new homeschooling mom, I can’t imagine how much courage a family had to have to homeschooling with the threat of losing your children constantly looming over you. I live in a state that has some of the strictest laws for homeschooling families. I worry that if I my boys don’t score high enough on the state tests we will be forced to send them to public school.
Love this post! Thanks so much for sharing~ Excited to share it with my followers!
Elizabeth
allkindsofthingsblog.com
I was homeschooled by a jumper wearer but let’s face it lots of mom’s in the late 80s were. I was the only kid I knew who was homeschooled and people actually thought I was slow & backwards. I homeschool my kids now and see how much more they can be involved in. I get where your coming from main stream media shows reality TV families with excessive amounts of children who homeschool and wear jumpers. That’s what people automatically think when they hear you homeschool. I’m blessed to live in a community where there are a lot of homeschooling families. When people ask what grade my son is in or is he ready to go back to school I proudly say we homeschool. Most people just says oh thats nice and I know someone who homeschools. Thanks for encouraging other moms through your journey! Blessings