They Don’t Come With An Owner’s Manual

“They don’t come with an owner’s manual.”

I have said/heard this more in the last month than I have in the last 14.5 years of being a mother. Being a mother is full of unspoken challenges. I am blessed with the unique perspective of my bookends having an 11-year age difference; toddlers to teenagers is a tricky place to be. Couple that with being a young mother with her own insecurities, and you have what I refer to as “the perfect storm” of tantrums, hormones, anxiety, and depression.

I was 20 when I welcomed my firstborn son into this world, and he has grown up with me. At times, this was my saving grace, and at others, well, I wish I could rewrite the story. Learning how to be a mom, while learning how to be my own person, has proven time and time again my most valuable lesson: the importance of having a village. I didn’t truly understand how crucial a village was until very recently, as in the last month. How have I managed motherhood for 14, almost 15 years, without a village? To be honest, I haven’t.

What Mothers Need Most

Mothers need to be supported during every stage. Not only the newborn phase, but in toddlerhood, childhood, tweens, and especially teen years. We need to be surrounded by a community who will stand in our gap, guide, nurture, give tough love, and help carry the load.

Mothers need grace extended when the going gets tough, because sometimes the emotions are overwhelming, and we need coaching on how to cope. We need to know that we are not alone. We need a judgement-free space. We need to be supported, not shamed. We need a community who can understand and nurture our needs as mothers.

Building a Village

For some, our village has been a constant throughout life. For others, we have muddled through in hopes of finding our village one day or, even worse, thinking we can do it on our own. A few years ago, I started a journey with an amazing therapist who would ultimately lead me to this place. In one of our first sessions, she encouraged me to start reaching out. Then, the world shut down. It’s hard enough to make friends on a good day, but making friends when the entire world goes into hibernation?

It felt impossible, but I kept going.

Writing has become a way for me to process the overwhelm. I started my personal blog, House of Laskey, in September of 2020 to document motherhood and share bits of our home renovation. This led me to networking on social media in search of other moms, support groups, and encouraging accounts. And I have met some pretty amazing women in the process. What I didn’t realize at the time was how these interactions boosted my confidence offline, and I now feel more connected to myself and more comfortable reaching out to these ladies and groups. My village certainly looks different than I ever thought it would, but I am so thankful for those walking through this with me.

Self Care is a Requirement

Self care in motherhood is an absolute requirement. For me, self care looks like: exercising daily, fueling my body with the proper foods, daily time with Jesus, facials, writing, quality family time, and girls’ nights. When I make time for my daily rituals and sprinkle in all the rest, I feel supported, refreshed, less anxious, less depressed, and much more confident.

Before I instituted these into my life, I thought there was no way I could add all of it to my already busy week. After renewing my schedule, I know that waking up just 30 minutes earlier gives me time for fitness and Jesus. These two items alone make all the difference.  Booking time with friends is a new habit. We are all so busy running the world that sometimes it can be months before we’re able to get together, but having that to look forward to is an added bonus. I know it can feel strange to book time with our friends, but we need to change our perspective here. If that’s finding a date two months in the future, it’s better than no date in the future. Sometimes we need a little love that only another woman can possibly provide.

Children don’t come with an owner’s manual, but they come with a mother. She is enough and she will always be enough. She needs a village to support her through everything she carries. She needs a world with less shame, less judgement, and more support. Don’t be scared to build your village. You never know who is waiting for you.

Read More: How to Do “Self Care” When Your World is on Fire