The year of the mother

In less than a week, my daughter will turn one.  I have been a mother for nearly a year and I still pinch myself because sometimes I can’t believe I’m in charge of the well-being of another person.Being a mother is the best thing that has ever happened to me, and as I look back on this past year it’s really interesting to note how I’ve changed as a person.

I can function on ridiculously small amounts of sleep.  Before having a baby, I was the queen of sleep.  When I was a flight attendant, I would choose my trips solely on the check-in time.  I rarely went to work before 11am because I hated getting up early.  I considered it a good day if I got out of the house before 4pm on my days off.  Friends and family knew not to bother me before noon and that was just the way I liked it.  These days, I’m up at 7am on the dot thanks to my adorable but insistent alarm clock.  My child will be up at 7am regardless of how little sleep she’s had the night before, so that means I too am up at 7.  Since I don’t get to my personal activities until she’s asleep, I don’t often get in bed much before one in the morning and somehow I’m coherent throughout the day.

Daily showers are a thing of the past.  I used to think that I would never be able to go without a daily shower.  Once I stopped flying and got an office job that required me to report at 8:30am (the nerve!) I relied heavily on my morning shower to give me the strength to lift my eyelids.  Now, I’m ready to dance in the street if I get to shower every few days.  And forget being able to wear clean clothes every day!  Wearing the same clothes two and three days in a row doesn’t even phase me anymore!  I’m happy if there are no visible stains and even then, I find myself internally negotiating – The stain isn’t *that* bad and I have to leave the house right this second.  I’m just running up to the store!  I’ve lost count how many times I’ve had that particular conversation with myself.

Makeup is a luxury.  I used to be one of those girls who wouldn’t leave the house (at 4pm) without hair and makeup perfectly done.  I’d spend hours on my outfit, trying to get it to look so perfect and like I’d just casually thrown it together.  Now?  I vividly recall leaving the house in a torn tank-top, yoga pants that were so huge I looked like a bag lady, not a stitch of makeup on and wild hair.  I met a girlfriend at the mall for a smoothie and didn’t even flinch when I caught a glimpse of myself in the window because it was that kind of day.

As my daughter has gotten older, things have gotten better and I don’t leave the house *as* often without showering.  My clothes don’t have stains on them that I’m aware of, and if it’s a really good day I’ll even put some makeup on!  I sometimes glance at that section of my closet that has the three-inch heels that I never wear anymore and I think about my ‘old’ life.

Then I hear my baby in the other room, babbling at her reflection in the mirror and I smile as I go to her to pick her up, kiss her, and babble with her.  And I know that this has been the best year of my life.