You would think that once you get past the infertility, once you have those babies in your arms, that it’s over. The pain is gone, the emotions, the worry, the fear…but sometimes it’s not. Not for me, at least. There’s a whole other side of infertility.
Six years ago, we did our first IVF transfer. Thankfully and luckily, it worked the first time. We were really blessed. I had an easy pregnancy which happily resulted in a healthy baby boy.
Two years later, we did our second transfer; again, it worked. This pregnancy wasn’t quite as carefree. I had a toddler to take care of, I had horrible morning all-day sickness, and a sub-chorionic hemorrhage that caused a massive bleed at six weeks, where we thought we lost her. But alas, nine months later, we were blessed with a healthy baby girl.
I sit here six years later with a five-year-old and a 2.5-year-old. But it still stings. The infertility. The pangs of sadness that I couldn’t snap my fingers if I wanted another baby and get pregnant, like so many of my friends.
Sometimes the pregnancy announcements get to me still. I remember when I was going through infertility at the beginning, it took me a long time to articulate what I was feeling when I would see this. It wasn’t that I was unhappy for my friends; I was sad for me.
Now, even when I see someone going through any form of infertility, my heart breaks. It’s a hard place to be. It’s lonely, isolating, and can really make you question your worth as a woman. Those are just the dark facts. But infertility can also be beautiful. It can even be rewarding and amazing to go through this walk. It can put people in your life you never would have met otherwise, and babies you may not have had otherwise.
On the other side of infertility, the path may end, but it doesn’t mean you’re over it, doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt and sting just as much as the early days. It’s just the side where you realize how fortunate you were to go through what you went through because it made you who you are.
June is World Infertility Awareness Month. Please know that you are not alone. Infertility is hard, and I am standing in your corner cheering you on.
