As I was sitting in a restaurant with my two boys waiting for our food to arrive, it dawned on me that they would be tall, strapping men one day with careers, families, and lives of their own. I guess I’ve always known that…rationally, but it hit me in the gut on a primal, raw level that day. I could see it so clearly. I could picture them all grown up taking me out for a meal, perhaps to celebrate Mother’s Day or my birthday. I realized these boys whom I have poured my heart into, cared for, provided for, and tended to so continuously aren’t going to stay little.
Then there’s my eldest, my 11 year old daughter, who is past the halfway point now of her “living with Mom and Dad” years. She’s got a foot out the door on her way to adulthood. It might sound dramatic, but time flies! She’ll be out in the world experiencing college and life on her own terms before I know what hit me.
Picturing my kids as adults has caused me to reflect on what it is I hope they remember most about the years they spent growing up in this family. I decided to write it down…not as a to-do list, but as a way to help me be intentional in continuing to foster these kinds of experiences when I can.
I hope my kids remember…
that I was there for them physically and emotionally. I attended their baseball games and listened when they were sad about a fight with a friend at school. I want to be remembered as a present, accessible mom who wasn’t too busy for them.
that our family helped and cared about others. I hope they remember buying groceries for someone who couldn’t, helping people move, giving our time to clean up trash, financially supporting children in Rwanda, inviting people into our home, and giving even when it wasn’t convenient or easy.
that our family had fun together. Oh, how I hope they cherish the family trips and experiences we’ve shared. I would much rather they remember us doing things together as a family than the material things we own. I hope they remember the summer we drove all the way to Montana and the simple outings to the zoo and weekend camping trips.
that we acknowledged our mistakes, apologized, and took responsibility. No family is perfect, but a lot of families can’t or won’t talk about it. I hope they remember an environment where we were open and communicative about bad choices we made or ways we hurt others. I hope they remember our family as a safe place to be human and mess up, but also as a place where they learned to deal with the consequences of that.
that I loved them. I use words to tell my kids how much I love them all the time. I also try to say it with my actions. I want them to know they are loved just for being themselves, not for their accomplishments or successes. I hope they remember unconditional love.
Your list may not look the same as mine. In fact, I asked 5 close friends to share their lists with me and I got dozens of different answers. My friends listed things like eating dinner as a family, going to church together, their bedtime/tucking in routine, that it’s the inside of a person not the outside that matters most, and their family traditions, to name a few.
I imagine our lists might even change throughout the years. That’s okay. The point is, our kids are within our influence for a limited amount of time, and they will remember the things we valued and the home environment we created. They may not agree with it, or incorporate it, but they will remember it. If I’m not careful, my kids might remember that keeping the house clean was more important to me than spending time with them. That’s why it’s helpful to keep my end goals in mind. As parents we are creating a legacy- in the midst of the exhausting daily grind of parenting. I don’t want to get so focused on the trees that I miss the forest!
Do you ever imagine your children as adults? What do you hope they will remember about their childhood?
