Ten Signs This Isn’t Your First Pregnancy

You can spot the first-time preggo a mile away. She is radiant. She is smiling. She is walking through Target in heels, balancing her decaf latte on top of a salad with no deli meat, seafood, or soft cheese (because listeria!!). She is completely unaware of the ways in which the tiny person currently residing in her uterus is about to claim her body and her heart and her life as she knows it.

You were her once. (We all were. HEELS??! Bless our hearts.)

But now you’re knocked up again, and we can tell you’ve been here before.

Here are ten signs that this isn’t your first rodeo.

… You’re showing before you even take a pregnancy test.

If the fact that your jeans were getting impossible to button wasn’t a dead giveaway that you were with child, the all-too-familiar sore boobs and morning sickness all-day nausea sure were.

… You carry your PSL with no shame.

And God bless the soul who asks you whether you made sure to order it caffeine-free.

… People ask you what size fruit the baby is, and you have no idea.

Is it a pineapple? Because it totally feels like a pineapple.

… You won’t be fooled into buying crap you know you won’t use.

You’ve still got the wipe warmer and the pee-pee teepees up there on the closet shelf next to your P90X videos.

… You aren’t scared to sneak in a few bites of cookie dough or a ham sandwich.

I mean, a girl’s got to do what a girl’s got to do.

… You have come to terms with your body.

Weirdly dark/enlarging nipples? Cool.

Varicose veins? Yep.

Stretch marks in alllllllll the places? No problem.

You are earning your stripes, and you sport them with pride because you know what’s waiting for you at the finish line.

… Packing your hospital bag takes fifteen minutes instead of three weeks.

With your first, you had an entire Pinterest board dedicated to the contents of your hospital bag. This time, you packed the essentials: nipple cream and granny panties. 

… You’re halfway through your third trimester before you remember to order a crib.

Because you know for the first few months you’ll only be using it to store all the piles of clean laundry you won’t have time to fold.

… You wait until the last possible minute to head to the hospital because you assume your real contractions are only Braxton Hicks.

Ain’t nobody got time to drive all the way to the hospital just to have to turn around and drive home.

… Birth plan? What birth plan?

Your only plan is to deliver a healthy baby and soak in every sleepy newborn cuddle because you remember how quickly those hazy first days will pass. 

Your turn, mamas. In what ways was your second (or third or fourth!) pregnancy different from your first pregnancy? Tell us in the comments!