Take This Test and Become a Better Parent in 10 Minutes

I struggled the first few months after my son was born. Nothing I had read in books or planned to do worked out. Life was chaotic and I felt like a mom failure.

Why was it so hard for me and why did it seem easier for my other mom friends?

In defense of myself, my son was born with acid reflux and a medical condition that required surgery. That most definitely did not help my stress levels. However, I think a large portion of why I struggled came down to my personality. I was person who thrived on a routine, as many of you know; any semblance of a routine went out the window after becoming a mom.

Luckily, over time I was able to adjust to my new-normal and find a fresh routine. I also learned a lot about myself…good and bad. This self-discovery helped me understand my strengths as a mom but more importantly my weaknesses.

I believe growth occurs when we can acknowledge our shortcomings, develop coping skills, and recognize and celebrate our strengths. Essentially:

“Know Thyself = Better Mom”

One easy and quick way to learn more about yourself is to take the Myers-Briggs Personality Assessment. This assessment theorizes that a personality is made up of four major parts or aspects: mind, energy, nature, and tactics. Within each aspect, you fall into one of two categories thereby creating sixteen potential combinations (example: ESFJ)

1. Mind

• I or Introverted individuals prefer solitary activities, think before speaking, get exhausted by social interaction,
• E or Extroverted individuals prefer group activities, think while speaking, get energized by social interaction

2. Energy

• N or Intuitive individuals are imaginative, rely on their intuition, absorbed in ideas, focus on what might happen.
• S or Observant individuals are down-to-earth, rely on their senses, absorbed in practical matters, focus on what has happened.

3. Nature

• T or Thinking individuals are tough, follow their minds, focus on objectivity and rationality.
• F or Feeling individuals are sensitive, follow their hearts, focus on harmony and cooperation.

4. Tactics

• J or Judging individuals are decisive, prefer clear rules and guidelines, see deadlines as sacred, seek closure.
• P or Prospecting individuals very good at improvising, prefer keeping their options open, relaxed about their work, seek freedom

Click here to take the test and become a better parent in 10 minutes!

In addition to me, two other Dallas Moms Blog contributors took the test, and here’s what we found based on our personality results:

CeCe:: ESFJ…with ENFJ being a close second

Dana:: INFJ

Heather:: ENFP

Do you feel that this test helped you better understand yourself as a parent and significant other? If so, how?

Yes, I feel this test was about 75% accurate. It described me well and opened my eyes to a few aspects I had not thought about. For example, ESFJs tend to fear for their children’s safely thereby sheltering them too much. If I am honest with myself, I am DEFINITELY the mom that struggles to step back at the playground and let my kids jump and climb. ~ CeCe

Yes! My husband and I both took a Meyers-Briggs test in the last couple years, but I almost feel like I need to print off his personality profile and hang it next to my mirror so that I remember the ways that he is different from me and have better understanding of him (especially when he doesn’t handle something the same way I do . . which is often). ~Dana

Ehhh…I don’t think it was as spot on for me as some others have been. Maybe it was my mood when I answered the questions – some points were right on…others were way off. ~Heather

What identified strength most impacts your family for the better? Be specific.

ESFJ are good at managing day to day tasks and routine maintenance. I think this strength brings peace into my home because daily tasks do not to pile up too high. ~CeCe

Over and over I read the words: warm, compassion, sensitivity, insightful, and I think all of these get to the heart of who I am and who I hope to be as a mother. I think all of these lend to a nurturing parent, but a part of the INFJ personality that will add balance is a need for my children to be independent and responsible. ~Dana

Energetic and Enthusiastic/Playful — I’m the “fun” parent who is almost more excited than the kids are to do anything that sounds “fun” — I spend time dreaming up the ideas and planning them and then trying to get the kids as excited as I am by pepping them up and telling them about what’s ahead. I don’t just do this with vacations or playdates either…this is my M.O. for homeschooling…(Hey- this week we get to talk about the states and capitols that will be so fun to know!) Or, going to Target (Hey – we’re going to Target…Mommy’s excited…aren’t you excited???) ~Heather

What identified weakness do you feel most impacts your family? What are some things you can do to work on your specific weakness?

ESFJs have a hard time improvising and being flexible. This is a huge reason why I struggled after having my first child. Five years of parenthood (one child with medical needs) has been the best thing for this weakness. I have had to accept that life with kids is chaotic at times and learn to let go a little. I am a work in progress! ~CeCe

Two weaknesses that were listed for me are “perfectionistic” and “can burn out easily”. I fully agree with both of those things and see evidence already in my short two year journey as a mother. I am very hard on myself and will give and give until I have nothing left (at which point we have a problem). I also have very high expectations for my progeny, and will continually be fighting a battle to let them make their own mistakes and be their own person. I think 1) having the knowledge that I am this way, 2) having realistic expectations for myself and others, and 3) remembering to find balance will help in these areas. ~Dana

Though I don’t think all of my weaknesses were spot on – the focus one got me. I have a hard time staying focused on the same thing for long periods of time. We get in a rhythm and then I lose the rhythm and can’t get it back (frankly because it starts to get a little boring for me). As it comes to parenting and for me, homeschooling, I need the accountability I have in our co-op so I have to stick with the routine for at least 24 weeks out of the year. This helps me. I try to add accountability into my schedule to keep me focused by using my iPad/phone calendar and blocking out time to do certain activities each week to keep me on track. ~Heather

How does your personality differ from your significant other? How does this affect your relationship for the better or worse?

My husband scored the exact opposite of me on the test (INTP)! He is definitely a thinker not a feeler like me. We have had to work at finding a balance between his rationale and my emotions. I am grateful for our differences…I need someone who is steady and calm to stabilize my tendency to worry. On the flip side, I think he appreciates my love of traditions (typical of an ESFJ) and desire to make our house a fun place to be. ~CeCe

My husband is an ENTJ, so we are intuitive rather than observant, and judging rather than prospective. I think that we are both judging personalities is a benefit, and I think both being intuitive isn’t so much a problem, though it would possibly be good to have at least one of us practical and down-to-earth. It also isn’t a challenge for us that he is more extroverted than I am, but sometimes a conflict arises, or is amplified by the fact that I approach a situation almost purely emotionally and he is much more logical about it. ~Dana

Ironically, my husband has never used the words “that will be fun” except for when trying to sell me on a certain activity. He’s much more constant and steady and is almost laser-beamed in his focus, where I am scattered in mine. IN some ways it helps us, I go emotionally erratic and he’s a one-pitch hum to balance in out. In other ways, I sometimes wish he was more enthusiastic and prioritized “fun” in the same ways that I do. ~Heather

I hope this test was helpful…I will leave you with one of my favorite quotes: He who knows others is wise. He who knows himself is enlightened. – Lao Tzu

What did you think of the test? What was your outcome?

Any other ESFJs out there?