I am so thankful for my relationships with my two sisters. We have always been close. Growing up, we spent almost all of our time together. Although we definitely had our share of fights, we have also always been each others’ best friends. I want that same close relationship for my two children. I want them as they grow to know that they already have a built-in best friend!
Last week I went to a parenting seminar on sibling harmony. I learned a few applicable, easy things I can do to start instilling these positive relationships early on. I also learned a few tips on how to deal with conflict between siblings. Chloe (3) and Jack (1) {pictured above} are just starting their sibling fights, so I am very excited to put these practical tips to good use right away!
Make a Strong Connection with Each Child
We need to recognize each of our children’s unique personalities, skills, strengths, and accomplishments. The presenters encouraged us moms to avoid comparing and labeling. They also suggested that both parents spend time individually with each child, implementing something like a date night with your children. They need that one-on-one time! I loved what one seasoned mom said about this. She started making bed time a special time with each child. Not only would she spend a few minutes with each child reading his or her favorite book, but would also just spend a few quality minutes talking with that child. She says even her shy son, who would not share much throughout the day, would suddenly open up when she gave him her undivided attention at bedtime.
Work on Communication Skills
Children need us to teach them how to handle conflict. We need to teach them to say things like “I love you”, “Please forgive me”, and “I forgive you.” We need to show them skills for handling conflict, like talking it out and acting it out. One mom used the “write it out” technique. She brought a box of hundreds of letters her four children had written to each other over the years. She would have them write an apology letter for any offense. One letter she read to us said something like “Dear Johnny, I’m sorry for taking the last biscuit, then only eating one bite and throwing it in the trash when I knew you wanted it. Forgive me?” Looking back they have had fun laughing and reminiscing about these letters, but at the time it reinforced one way to communicate, take responsibility, and handle conflict with their siblings.
Set Them Up for Success
There are a few things we can do to create an environment that will ward off conflict between siblings. Having a visible chore chart helps each child know what is expected of him or her and can avoid fighting about daily tasks. The speaker also suggested having a set way to take turns. For example, one child might have odd days and one child has even days for things like sitting in the front seat, choosing what TV show to watch, etc. Another idea to set them up for success is to tell them your expectations and consequences before they start an activity. Oh, and one more suggestion that most of us in the room did not want to hear: “Turn it off!” She was talking to moms about our use of technology and how we can be distracted from spending time with our kids. We are usually not focused on our children when we are looking at Facebook or Pinterest, and when we are not engaged with our kids, there is a better chance of conflict between them. Ouch.
There were so many more amazing ideas shared at this seminar that I can use to help my children build positive relationships. I know that while there will for sure be times of conflict between my children, I can use these ideas to help them form a strong, lasting relationship with each other.
How are your children getting along with one anther? I hope some of these ideas will encourage sibling harmony in your home!
