Last Friday, there was a long awaited judgement laid out in Pennsylvania. Jerry Sandusky was convicted on 45 of 48 counts of sexually abusing children, as I’m sure most of you have already heard.
When this story first came out, I wanted details. I was disgusted beyond all belief but I wanted to learn more. I soon realized I couldn’t follow it anymore. It brought me too much pain. Pain for the victims. Pain for the families. Pain for any child or parents who had to endure anything similar.
I found a little bit of relief knowing this man was taken out of our general population and placed behind bars, where he will likely spend the rest of his life. But, even this victory in justice will never take away the deep scars of pain his victims live with daily.
Through all of this, I have asked myself many many times, “How can I keep my own kids safe from something like this?”
Bonnie Rochman’s most recent article for Time Healthland gives us several tips and I felt they were all worth sharing with each of you. I have no psychology background, but I can appreciate any tips to help me protect my children from something as awful as this.
#1. Don’t tell secrets. Perpetrators expect children to enjoy having a secret to keep and often use, “Remember, this is our little secret.” As a parent, it’s better to teach kids in terms of “surprises” instead of “secrets.”
#2. Be cautious of those who seem overly enamored with your child. Child molesters often prey on vulnerable children, such as those whose parents aren’t around often. Many predators use a slow “grooming” process with their victims, which includes manipulation and control by bribing, brainwashing, threatening, controlling, and embarrassing them.
#3. Pay attention to changes in your child. Look for potential signs of abuse, such as mood changes, reluctance or changes in school performance, and loss of desire to take part in activities.
#4. Teach your child about appropriate touching early on. Make sure they know who can touch them, and under what circumstances.
#5 Keep talking to your kids. It’s a mistake to assume that just because they are old enough to know it’s wrong, they will openly tell you. Many children are too embarrassed and afraid of the outcome if they tell.
#6. Make sure you are listening. Don’t dismiss something your child says just because you find it hard to believe or even wonder how it could even be possible.
While it’s not the best idea to fear every adult who interacts with our children, it’s important to remember it’s our job to protect them and to be their biggest advocates.
My babies are still young, but I do have two step-kids who are 13 and 11. I can’t protect our kids from everything in life, but I would like to learn as much as I can to avoid having to deal with something as awful as this. These tips were more than helpful for me and I hope they are for you, too.
Read more about these tips in Bonnie’s article.
Are there other tips you can offer us? With a subject as important as this one, it’s so important we bind together and learn from each other.
Thank you for posting this Jamie. Like you, I had a very hard time processing this case with Sandusky, and could barely bring myself to read about it. I get so angry and upset that there are such monsters out there that can hurt our children, and having a 17th month old boy now makes it so much more important to know how to talk to him about this (obviously not now since he is 17 months old /:). I think back to my childhood, and I really don’t remember my parents saying much about things like this but I do remember that kidnapping was always in the news in the 80’s, and I was always worried about being kidnapped! Luckily, I made it out of my childhood safely. These tips are really great, and I especially like the one about not keeping secrets from your parents. While this is such a disgusting thing we have to protect ourselves and families from, the more information about how to keep our families safe…as well as any children we know or come into contact with….then there might be a new light at the end of this tunnel.