Oops. I’m pregnant. & Other Unmentionable Feelings

Everybody’s story is unique. Not better, not worse, just theirs. It’s what makes us who we are.  Our stories.  This is mine – in all its guts, and not so much glory.  Honest.  I can’t expect my clients to be honest with me if I’m not willing to be honest with them.

I never wanted to be a mom.  Which isn’t a great way to start this when I’m talking to a room full of moms (so to speak).  But, it’s true.

God had a different idea.  He surprised me with a pregnancy that was five months along by the time I found out.

Go head and hate me now.  

Yes, that means I had zero morning sickness.  It also means I was terrified, confused, and completely unprepared.  I won’t go into how I found out- that’s even a crazier story than you’ve already heard.

Because I never saw myself as a mom, I considered putting my beautiful peanut up for adoption.  I was 36 years old, career driven, and at the time single (what became only temporary split from her dad-my now fiance).  It’s inconceivable now.  I can barely believe I wasn’t willing to leap into the air and jump for joy at finding out I was pregnant like people expect us to do.  I can’t put into words how scared I was.  I had a thousand questions.  Would I know what to do? What if I can’t get her out?  How will I know what she needs?  You name it.  I thought it.  Most of them stemming from doubts about myself.

She’s my miracle.  She’s my story.  She’s two years old and the most wonderful part of my life.  But there are so many unknowns in being pregnant and having a baby.  So many pieces change and it’s a HUGE adjustment.

Which is where The LifeWorks Group comes in.

So many women are afraid to allow themselves room to process those feelings, those decisions considered unmentionable- and they need support. I like to say I work with both sides of pregnancy traumas and joys; from the “oh crap'” to the journey into finding how to be ourself AND a mom!

Mothers, especially new mothers, tend to be afraid of a lot of things- mostly related to thoughts that relate to, “is this normal?”.  Most of the time the answer to that question is yes.  But we rarely ask, and in turn, we run the risk of feeling increasingly more alone and isolated believing that we are the only one who feels this way.

There is a range of topics that that applies from sex, body image, communication with our spouse, the need (not option) for personal time, and how we feel toward our peanut in that first year.  

And yes, it is okay if you don’t love every moment you are with your new baby. Not knowing what is normal for mom can lead to dangerous depression. Feelings of not being good enough, the tendency to define ourselves as a mom without a sense of self, and comparing ourselves to other moms are dangerous rabbit trails to venture down.

But what do you do when you are a new mom with little help or time to yourself?  My office at The LifeWorks Group is set-up not just as a place for mom’s to come in and share all of their ‘crazy’ (frequently so NOT crazy) thoughts as you learn to navigate your new world, but also a place where you can bring your baby.  My office is outfitted with a space full of toys to allow your baby to get what he or she may need while mom gets what she needs without the excuse of, ‘I can’t find a sitter’.

Everybody has a story unique to them with it’s own joys, trials, and tribulations.  Sometimes we need a safe place to share the pieces of ourselves we want to hide.  Sometimes we need a safe place to dump our thoughts free from judgement.  My office is that place.  Located at 2515 Cedar Springs, I offer flexible hours and weather permitting we can even jump on the Katy Trail with the stroller and talk and walk.

* * * * * *

Abbie Chesney is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) and has been with The LifeWorks Group since 2004. Up until the birth of her little girl, she worked exclusively with women with eating disorders, and has now broadened her specialty to women’s issues, specifically those relating to pregnancy and early motherhood.

To learn more about Abbie & The LifeWorks Group or to make an appointment, call 214.357.4001.

Or you can email her at [email protected]