My Three Jobs {The Dads Take Over Dallas Moms Blog}

This Father’s Day comes with a lot of joy as it’s my first Father’s day with two sons.

My oldest, who just turned two, is starting to vocalize all his thoughts.  He can correctly identify a baseball, football and soccer ball (which in my naturally unbiased opinion means that he will likely end up a Heissman contender, starting so young and all). 

My youngest, at 6 months old, is just starting to laugh when I lift him up in the air and smiles when he sees me from across the room.

But at the same time, as any dad knows, it’s not just fun all the time. In fact, fun is usually the exception.

We just went through a bout of sickness/fever/coughing where my entire family was awake more at night than we were asleep — And we actually we may be having a relapse as I’m writing this on my phone at 4am holding my youngest.  It was the first time that I was sick but could not rest.  I still had to take care of my kids.  I still had to go to work during the day (mostly from home as to not infect the office).  And I still had to get over how tired I was and have some sort of intelligent conversation with my wife.

I can honestly say that the sleepless nights and sick kids can make it difficult to find the joy in fatherhood. But it was about the time number two came along when I suddenly realized that I had no free time and I was forced to take a hard look at my priorities.  I was facing a new reality:  I didn’t just have one full time job, I now had 3. My paycheck job. My dad job.  My husband job.  All three need my attention and time, and the combined three took up all of my waking hours.

For awhile, I tried to disregard this new reality. How could I have 3 full time jobs?  There would be no time for me!  But I realized that I was just kidding myself. By trying to deny the fact that I had 3 full time jobs, I was denying my new reality and I couldn’t manage any of them well.

What I struggle with is taking the most joy in my paycheck job and looking at the others as items on a to do list.  I can usually juggle all 3 with varying levels of success, but my paycheck job is where I end up focusing my strongest mental energies, even if I’m still spending ample time with the kids or my wife.

The truth is, paycheck job is the easiest of the 3.  My paycheck job doesn’t wake me up in the middle of the night crying, or deliberately disobey me when I say “don’t touch that.” My paycheck job doesn’t know my deepest thoughts and emotions like my wife does.  My paycheck job may be difficult, frustrating, and tiring,  but it does not require everything that I have.  I may argue with someone at work but it’s nothing like the arguments that are seated in deep emotional struggle from my childhood. The people at work don’t know me.  The emotional investment required to do the job is much less than it is at home.

This is one of the hardest things for me to realize as a Father.

Let’s face it: when we excel at our job at the expense of our families, we really are taking the easy way out. It doesn’t feel that way because we still are dog tired at the end of the day, but in the end we are doing well at a job where people like us and reward us with salary increases and promotions.

Don’t get me wrong. I love going a good job and seeing polished, professional, finished product. But at the end of the day, my paycheck job is just a job, and the other two are what real life is made of. Investing time in your family takes real sacrifice and real cost. It is where real men are forged.

So let’s not forget our duties and be MIA at our real jobs as fathers and husbands.  It is hard, it is tough, it is painful, but it brings more joy than I could ever imagine.

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Nathan Murray is husband to Dallas Moms Blog contributor Laura and Dad to Parker and Ben. His paycheck job is at Pariveda Solutions, where he is a technology consultant. His other two jobs include, but are not limited to, kite flying, squirrel chasing, middle of the night rocking, cooking and RomCom watching.