My husband and I have walked into my late mother-in-law’s house for the last time.
We are in the process of settling her estate, including the sale of her house and disposition of everything in it.
From a hutch filled with china and crystal goblets to overflowing jewelry boxes and coin collections. And everything in between.
A lot in between.
Her clothes. The Notre Dame sweaters my late father-in-law was so fond of wearing. Her furniture. Furniture inherited from her mother-in-law, still in the same place in the garage where it was originally placed 30 some-odd years ago. My husband’s Cub Scout uniform. Christmas decorations. Lots and lots of Christmas decorations.
Every room, every closet, every shelf, every drawer. Full of stuff. A lifetime of stuff. Two lifetimes, if you count my father-in-law, who passed away 11 years ago.
What to Do With a Lifetime of Stuff
My mother-in-law was a neat and tidy housekeeper. But like many of us (myself included), she lived in a good-sized house with plenty of room to accommodate stuff. Things inherited from her parents and her in-laws. The broken vacuum cleaner waiting for repair in the back of the closet. Hundreds of books read once. You get the picture.
And the cost of disposing of all of that stuff? Having the estate sale company we hired go through every room, every closet, every drawer, separating the trash from the treasures, may cost more than will be generated at the eventual estate sale.
Her house has been transformed into a store, the estate sale company having cleverly arranged and displayed my mother-in-law’s possessions on tables in every room.
All of her possessions with any value, save the very few we kept, each with a tiny white price tag.
Losing your last surviving parent is hard enough. But being the arbiter of which of your parents’ and grandparents’ treasures get saved and which end up sold, donated, or in a landfill? gut-wrenching.
The lesson we have learned from this experience?
Most of the stuff in your house is worthless. And eventually, someone, either you or your kids, will be tasked with the overwhelming job of getting rid of it.
Most of Your Stuff Is Worthless
Most of the stuff in your house is worthless.
Yes, even the stuff you worry the most about, the stuff you think is so good you don’t use it for fear of breaking it, has little to no resale value.
From china, china cabinets, crystal goblets, silver tea sets, pianos, and collectible figurines like Hummels, to grandfather clocks and real pieces of craftsmanship furniture.
Why? Baby boomers have glutted the market with their castoffs, and millennials, the next generation of buyers, don’t want it.
Millennials hate both formal in-home entertaining and use of second-hand goods. With looming student loans, they tend to rent and move often. Who wants to be constantly moving a piano and a grandfather clock from apartment to apartment?
And furniture? There’s no market for so-called “brown furniture,” meaning any furniture (regardless of quality) other than the “mid-century casual” furniture (think clean, lightweight) favored by millennials. Brown furniture is basically firewood.
If it’s not in great condition, it’s also not fit for donation because it can’t be resold.
All of my mother-in-law’s furniture (including the pieces inherited from her mother-in-law and kept for decades)? Straight to the landfill.
Well, Almost Everything…
What do guns, LPs (records), and precious metals/gems have in common?
They are 3 things you might have in your house with a robust resale value.
Silverware also has value, but only if it is real silver and can be melted down.
3 Things You Should Be Doing NOW to Reduce the Amount of Stuff You Have
1. Be viciously thoughtful about holding onto sentimental items.
Here was our goal with sorting through my mother-in-law’s things. Keep just enough to remind us of her, but not so much stuff that our daughters are going to be dealing with it 40 some-odd years from now.
Here’s what we kept:
- A painting to be displayed in our dining room
- My mother-in-law’s treasured Swarovski crystal animal collection (all of which were given to her by her children and grandchildren over the years)
- Jewelry to be divided among the granddaughters
- Each of our daughters got to select 1 item
And that was it.
Well, almost. We did set aside photos to be digitized (with the originals then destroyed).
Was it hard leaving everything else? You bet it was. But we don’t want to be dealing with a lot of stuff years from now (or worse, leaving it to our daughters to deal with).
I try to be viciously thoughtful with my own sentimental items. For example, I don’t save any school papers or art projects from my kids (though I do take photos of my favorites).
2. Buy fewer books.
While used book resellers like Half Price Books do an important service in keeping books in circulation, a surprising number of books end up in landfills because many paper recycling facilities can’t process the the glue that binds book spines.
My resolution last year was to cut down on my book consumption by only reading books that I borrow from the library or purchase on my Kindle e-reader. If you haven’t used a library in years, now is the time to go back. My local library has an app where you can “order” books online, and pick them up the next day on a special “hold” shelf strategically placed next to the check-out kiosk.
How successful was I on my resolution? I read 1 to 2 books a week in 2019, only 1 of which was a hard copy purchased from Amazon.
3. Buy fewer, but better quality, clothes
The world is overflowing with used clothing.
We buy substantially more clothing over our lifetimes than our grandparents did.
Clothing made today is meant to last no more than a few years. In fact, a lot of clothing isn’t even made to withstand more than a few washes.
Think you are “paying it forward” but dropping off a load of unwanted clothes at Goodwill? Think again. Most clothing donations never make it to the racks at Goodwill and only about a third of what does eventually sells.
To really pay it forward, cut down on the amount of clothing you have by buying better quality clothes that last longer.
Keeping What Really Matters
My 5-year-old chose to keep a Christmas music box from her Grandma’s house. It plays “White Christmas” and has tiny ice skaters going around a rink inside. Each Christmas, my mother-in-law would bring out this music box and let each of her granddaughter’s play with it. It’s value in preserving a precious memory of Grandma? Priceless.
Thanks to an old friend who shared your timely explanation. My husband and I are in the process of downsizing, including items from both sides of our families. It’s a bit gut wrenching; but it’s not our Millenial kids’ job. We are products of Depression-era/WW parents whose motto of “Use it up, wear it out, make do, or do without” didn’t leave us the choice of throwing out! At least HGTV now has Millennials thinking about mixing good quality brown furniture in with disposable modern items. “Waste not want not.”
There is help for folks in this situation. One such group is Downsizematters.com. They handle everything!
As a CEO of a non-profit Family Resource Center, we see the anguish on family’s faces as they part with the “treasures” of past loved ones. There is only so much our Guests that come for services will even take. Much of my time is spent trying to find homes for good “stuff” that no one wants. Its heartbreaking but it also speaks to me, personally.
When downsizing my parents, there were those items Mom had saved for us since we were kids, that we didn’t remember or have a clue why Mom saved them. My sister was wise and said “Take them. Make a big deal of appreciation. THEN, do as you see fit, keep, donate or throw away, Mom will never be to your home, but will remember your smile and your words.
We went through 3 downsizing moves and when Mom died, we had 1 grocery sack of her personal items. Only 1 item was kept. My grandson loved a cherub planter with plastic greenery that he remembered seeing in every downsize Mom went through. He asked for it and is now 24 years old and still has it. Keep what moves you. The rest, let it go. AND THINK before you buy. Our young people are NOT the same type of people we were. God love ’em!
Very interesting article. Having raised five children, I have a lot of “stuff” a lot of people would not want except for the ones that the article means something to them. I have tried to purge items but then there are those items or heirlooms I will not part with because they mean something to me and I want to pass along to my children’s children. If articles or objects don’t mean anything to people then why do people put so much value on antiques or vintage items or items that are hundreds of years old? Aren’t they just junk? I, for one, love my “stuff,junk” and I don’t have to much. I do declutter and purge from time to time but the things I have in my home, are pretty much my decision and my business. If it doesn’t affect you, and you’re not paying my bills, then your opinion should stay just that, your opinion. Just sayin.
We are still dealing a few final items of my mom’s house and she died 18 months ago. We worked on the house for over 4 years. It was horrific……all of the items I grew up hearing about “they will be valuable some day” were for the most part, not. For instance, she had over 1,200 dolls and Steiff animals. Several of the really large Madame Alexander dolls had the price tags still on them….$ 495.00 and $ 515.00. They sold at the estate sale for $ 15.00 each. The gold plated china brought nearly nothing. Newspapers for WWII ending were thrown in the recycling. The coins and gold did have value. The ENORMOUS stamp collection……..10 two foot square boxes full brought $ 1,300. Less than the face value but we didn;t want to deal with it. We figured we realized between 5% an 10% of what she paid for everything. It was a sad story, but made me REALLY attack my ‘stuff’ hard.
That’s just sad. If you love your things and you don’t live in a cluttered mess keep them. The tide will turn for these millenials, as it did for our generation’s hippies. They will be hunting ebay for all the things their parents had and trashed on their behalf. I treasure the things handed down from my grandparents, and do my kids and they want them too. I’m all for streamlining, but when the cloud goes poof, or your media melts or disintegrates, you might just wish you didn’t destroy those originals.
I agree. I agree. I agree. I, having ironed and starched EIGHT huge double damask dinner table cloths – about 72 X 110 inches this very morning. All over 100 years old and in great shape. I, the “custodian” of all the family linens, silver, the pictures – whose names we do not know – the jewellery, the art work, the china – plus all my “treasures” – know exactly what you mean.
We did send the kitchen china to Goodwill and got out the wedding china to use. I need to start cleaning out the closets.
Thank you for the good advice.
I disagree about your list of things to keep. Christmas decorations need to be put on your condensed list. Vintage and antique Christmas items have gone up in value. Check out E-bay and some web-sites. And your article did not address the fact that antiques and vintage pieces could have a resurgence. History always repeats itself. And there is such a thing as owning a piece of your family’s history. Once it’s gone you will never get it back.So you have a clean well-organized, uncluttered home that looks like everyone else’s. Congratulations!
My question is we have all these people “purging” – but where exactly is all this excess going? All these purged clothes, items?…
We need to stop producing for a while. We import way too much new, cheaply made products that go directly from the store to the landfill after being used once or twice.
Nothing has any value anymore because we have overproduced.
I’m trying to reduce what’s in my home that I inherited and much of my family is giving me grief but they don’t want to take any of it (in fact several are still silently mad for me gifting a piano to a young couple who wanted it and are filling their home with music). FYI we all live in various cities across the country so transferring to others will take some expense. How can I handle reducing with other items?
I believe your intentions were good with the article, but inevitably this will lead someone to toss thousands of dollars away. I learned with my family silver that some vintage and antique pieces can be worth 3 or 4x the melt down value. I also experienced a neighbor’s family that was doing what you suggest above. I bought a few things at the estate sale, but noticed immediately afterwards that they just threw away everything at the end of the 2-day sale. I’m the curious type and also dabble in selling vintage items. Well I went through the leftovers and to date have sold nearly $7500, with a few items selling for over $500. For many people these dollar amounts wouldn’t be worth the trouble, but I have more than $100/hr for my trouble. Be careful people, many things can be worth lots of money, check out vintage watch prices for instance.