My husband and I have walked into my late mother-in-law’s house for the last time.
We are in the process of settling her estate, including the sale of her house and disposition of everything in it.
From a hutch filled with china and crystal goblets to overflowing jewelry boxes and coin collections. And everything in between.
A lot in between.
Her clothes. The Notre Dame sweaters my late father-in-law was so fond of wearing. Her furniture. Furniture inherited from her mother-in-law, still in the same place in the garage where it was originally placed 30 some-odd years ago. My husband’s Cub Scout uniform. Christmas decorations. Lots and lots of Christmas decorations.
Every room, every closet, every shelf, every drawer. Full of stuff. A lifetime of stuff. Two lifetimes, if you count my father-in-law, who passed away 11 years ago.
What to Do With a Lifetime of Stuff
My mother-in-law was a neat and tidy housekeeper. But like many of us (myself included), she lived in a good-sized house with plenty of room to accommodate stuff. Things inherited from her parents and her in-laws. The broken vacuum cleaner waiting for repair in the back of the closet. Hundreds of books read once. You get the picture.
And the cost of disposing of all of that stuff? Having the estate sale company we hired go through every room, every closet, every drawer, separating the trash from the treasures, may cost more than will be generated at the eventual estate sale.
Her house has been transformed into a store, the estate sale company having cleverly arranged and displayed my mother-in-law’s possessions on tables in every room.
All of her possessions with any value, save the very few we kept, each with a tiny white price tag.
Losing your last surviving parent is hard enough. But being the arbiter of which of your parents’ and grandparents’ treasures get saved and which end up sold, donated, or in a landfill? gut-wrenching.
The lesson we have learned from this experience?
Most of the stuff in your house is worthless. And eventually, someone, either you or your kids, will be tasked with the overwhelming job of getting rid of it.
Most of Your Stuff Is Worthless
Most of the stuff in your house is worthless.
Yes, even the stuff you worry the most about, the stuff you think is so good you don’t use it for fear of breaking it, has little to no resale value.
From china, china cabinets, crystal goblets, silver tea sets, pianos, and collectible figurines like Hummels, to grandfather clocks and real pieces of craftsmanship furniture.
Why? Baby boomers have glutted the market with their castoffs, and millennials, the next generation of buyers, don’t want it.
Millennials hate both formal in-home entertaining and use of second-hand goods. With looming student loans, they tend to rent and move often. Who wants to be constantly moving a piano and a grandfather clock from apartment to apartment?
And furniture? There’s no market for so-called “brown furniture,” meaning any furniture (regardless of quality) other than the “mid-century casual” furniture (think clean, lightweight) favored by millennials. Brown furniture is basically firewood.
If it’s not in great condition, it’s also not fit for donation because it can’t be resold.
All of my mother-in-law’s furniture (including the pieces inherited from her mother-in-law and kept for decades)? Straight to the landfill.
Well, Almost Everything…
What do guns, LPs (records), and precious metals/gems have in common?
They are 3 things you might have in your house with a robust resale value.
Silverware also has value, but only if it is real silver and can be melted down.
3 Things You Should Be Doing NOW to Reduce the Amount of Stuff You Have
1. Be viciously thoughtful about holding onto sentimental items.
Here was our goal with sorting through my mother-in-law’s things. Keep just enough to remind us of her, but not so much stuff that our daughters are going to be dealing with it 40 some-odd years from now.
Here’s what we kept:
- A painting to be displayed in our dining room
- My mother-in-law’s treasured Swarovski crystal animal collection (all of which were given to her by her children and grandchildren over the years)
- Jewelry to be divided among the granddaughters
- Each of our daughters got to select 1 item
And that was it.
Well, almost. We did set aside photos to be digitized (with the originals then destroyed).
Was it hard leaving everything else? You bet it was. But we don’t want to be dealing with a lot of stuff years from now (or worse, leaving it to our daughters to deal with).
I try to be viciously thoughtful with my own sentimental items. For example, I don’t save any school papers or art projects from my kids (though I do take photos of my favorites).
2. Buy fewer books.
While used book resellers like Half Price Books do an important service in keeping books in circulation, a surprising number of books end up in landfills because many paper recycling facilities can’t process the the glue that binds book spines.
My resolution last year was to cut down on my book consumption by only reading books that I borrow from the library or purchase on my Kindle e-reader. If you haven’t used a library in years, now is the time to go back. My local library has an app where you can “order” books online, and pick them up the next day on a special “hold” shelf strategically placed next to the check-out kiosk.
How successful was I on my resolution? I read 1 to 2 books a week in 2019, only 1 of which was a hard copy purchased from Amazon.
3. Buy fewer, but better quality, clothes
The world is overflowing with used clothing.
We buy substantially more clothing over our lifetimes than our grandparents did.
Clothing made today is meant to last no more than a few years. In fact, a lot of clothing isn’t even made to withstand more than a few washes.
Think you are “paying it forward” but dropping off a load of unwanted clothes at Goodwill? Think again. Most clothing donations never make it to the racks at Goodwill and only about a third of what does eventually sells.
To really pay it forward, cut down on the amount of clothing you have by buying better quality clothes that last longer.
Keeping What Really Matters
My 5-year-old chose to keep a Christmas music box from her Grandma’s house. It plays “White Christmas” and has tiny ice skaters going around a rink inside. Each Christmas, my mother-in-law would bring out this music box and let each of her granddaughter’s play with it. It’s value in preserving a precious memory of Grandma? Priceless.
I just retired and am starting to go room to room now to purge. I see my 83 year old mother spending her last years going through stuff now. I don’t want to waste my last years doing that. It is hard.
My daughter and I belong to a Facebook group in Canada called “Buy Nothing” and I’m sure there are many others. Consider posting there. Everything from unopened food items to furniture, appliances and clothing no longer being used or worn is posted in a neighborhood setting that most can walk to for pick up. Often a time is arranged and items left on a porch so that the owner doesn’t even have to be available. Rarely do I see something not being claimed. It’s a win-win and keeps so many things from the landfill while the process of “gifting” is hugely rewarding.
At 74 yrs. old, I have moved from 5,500sf to 1265sf and it has been agonizing, but I decided that getting rid of my “everyday” dishes, towels, glasses, etc. and use my best dishes, towels, silver, glasses, etc. has been freeing. I asked each daughter if they want anything now, instead of waiting till I am gone has worked. The other furniture, dishes, etc. was illuminated multiple ways, including many organizations desperate for free basics from pots and pans to furniture, everyday dishes,towels, silver, tablecloths, etc.. My mother thankfully saved things for me that I didn’t appreciate until this stage in life and I can share with grandkids and great grandkids and even their spouses. There are so many people like the guys moving your stuff that are thrilled to take the things you don’t want or need. I was amazed at how many contractor helpers don’t have even mattresses or tsble and chairs, and no money to buy even at Good Will. So if you don’t want money for your stuff, there are lots of hungry people out there!!
I guess you spoke with the wrong Estate sale company. Most sales from a good and reputable company, will leave you with a positive experience and money in your pocket. I see you are an attorney and using what seems to be your one time experience of settling a relatives estate. There is so much wrong with what you have blogged, I am not even sure where to begin. Whether you are gaining this information from other bloggers or other articles you have read, but in general, Millennials are not shy about Thrifting, it’s what they can afford. My clientele are mostly Millennial. The so called brown furniture, Habitat takes it, GW takes it, because you know what, there is a plethora of people who repurpose those items and also make a good living at it. I am not being demeaning here, but please stick to law that you are trained in, that is your profession. I know my profession and that is why I don’t get involved in law, I don’t know it. Thanks!
Nothing really has “no value”, except personal paperwork and family photos! I am a retired estate liquidator and we had the worst time with clients not taking the photos and paperwork out of the house, along with EVERYTHING they wanted to keep! What may be valueless to you may be the one thing someone wants. Let the professional liquidator figure it out. It’s worth it. The emotional tug of war you go through, the hours of trying to decide what to sell and what to pitch, the pricing, the marketing, crowd control is done and in the end you get a check!
I got into the business when my mother passed away, and I hired a company to do the sale. I ended up working for them for SEVEN years before going out on our own for another 20 years. And I agree with Scott, if you’re not an experienced estate liquidator, stick to your own area of expertise. I’ve had to tell many a lawyer how to liquidate an estate but I’ve never written wild for people!
Will, not wild!
You NEED a reputable Estate Sale Company. With 25 years running one, there is hardly a chance that the household was not worth $5-12 thousand and likely much more. Families rarely have any idea what is junk and what will sell. If I could get to house before they threw away the “junk” there was always another 2-4K in sales. Reasonable commission is 30% and the family doesn’t do anything but get out what they are keeping and stay out of the way. Shoppers are re-salers, treasure hunters and more plus those who can’t afford new. Beats a landfill any day.
We gave alot away and we kept our parents home and rented it out with everything in it. And they are so thankful I told them to stash there money. And only buy what you need.
if you look closely, & too many people don’t want to see, you’ll learn there are MANY families
in your community who have a need for household goods, from furniture to kitchen items to beds (if mattresses are in immaculate condition), & cribs.
If you’re unaware of this need, call your local community center, or nursery school or one of
many social agencies who will refer you to one or more of them. Many will pick up heavy
items & give you a donation receipt. Or….donate to a non-profit….please do all of this before taking to the local dump!
When my Dad passed, each Child and Grandchild took what they wanted. My son took a spoon from the everyday set. I took a party dress Mom wore to everything (plus 100 more things) My son had 3 boxes shipped across the US that I don’t think were opened. My sister took some Christmas decorations, etc. The Estate seller did a great job, even sold stuff on E-bay. Then we opened the house up to our church and then a charity resale store came and packed everything left up and took it all away. It went smooth. Paperwork and picture albums was the worst to clean out. Mom had 50 albums, I took out a few pictures from each, dated them and threw the albums in the trash. Most of the stuff I took is still in boxes in my she shed, 9 years later. I fear my kids will throw my scrapbooking albums in the trash. I am rethinking scrapbooking.
Read the comments. So many don’t agree at all with this woman’s article. She had some helpful tips about photos, children’s art/papers, books. When I was young, you couldn’t have convinced me to take our grand parents furniture or my parents. Now, I love pieces that I remember from my childhood. As children grow and mature, those items begin to mean more because those pieces she mentioned that the millennials are buying right now are mostly not well built & they will see the value later. I will be going through my “stuff” with a new outlook, like the few precious moments I have saved in their boxes. Yet, my mother’s precious moments nativity set that I put out every year will, hopefully, mean something to my son when I’m gone. This article brought to mind when I recently took the cuckoo clock I inherited from my aunt & uncle to the clock guy. He said it’s not worth it to fix it, the youth of today don’t appreciate them. You will never make the $250 it costs to fix it. I told him, to me it’s priceless. See, as far back as I can remember, I always got yelled at to not pull the chains too fast, because I wanted to every time I was at their house. She was my favorite aunt on dad’s side, one day while in their family room we were talking about “things” when they were gone from this world. I told them the only thing I wanted was that clock. When she died about 3 years later at the young age of 59, my uncle gave me that clock.