My husband and I have walked into my late mother-in-law’s house for the last time.
We are in the process of settling her estate, including the sale of her house and disposition of everything in it.
From a hutch filled with china and crystal goblets to overflowing jewelry boxes and coin collections. And everything in between.
A lot in between.
Her clothes. The Notre Dame sweaters my late father-in-law was so fond of wearing. Her furniture. Furniture inherited from her mother-in-law, still in the same place in the garage where it was originally placed 30 some-odd years ago. My husband’s Cub Scout uniform. Christmas decorations. Lots and lots of Christmas decorations.
Every room, every closet, every shelf, every drawer. Full of stuff. A lifetime of stuff. Two lifetimes, if you count my father-in-law, who passed away 11 years ago.
What to Do With a Lifetime of Stuff
My mother-in-law was a neat and tidy housekeeper. But like many of us (myself included), she lived in a good-sized house with plenty of room to accommodate stuff. Things inherited from her parents and her in-laws. The broken vacuum cleaner waiting for repair in the back of the closet. Hundreds of books read once. You get the picture.
And the cost of disposing of all of that stuff? Having the estate sale company we hired go through every room, every closet, every drawer, separating the trash from the treasures, may cost more than will be generated at the eventual estate sale.
Her house has been transformed into a store, the estate sale company having cleverly arranged and displayed my mother-in-law’s possessions on tables in every room.
All of her possessions with any value, save the very few we kept, each with a tiny white price tag.
Losing your last surviving parent is hard enough. But being the arbiter of which of your parents’ and grandparents’ treasures get saved and which end up sold, donated, or in a landfill? gut-wrenching.
The lesson we have learned from this experience?
Most of the stuff in your house is worthless. And eventually, someone, either you or your kids, will be tasked with the overwhelming job of getting rid of it.
Most of Your Stuff Is Worthless
Most of the stuff in your house is worthless.
Yes, even the stuff you worry the most about, the stuff you think is so good you don’t use it for fear of breaking it, has little to no resale value.
From china, china cabinets, crystal goblets, silver tea sets, pianos, and collectible figurines like Hummels, to grandfather clocks and real pieces of craftsmanship furniture.
Why? Baby boomers have glutted the market with their castoffs, and millennials, the next generation of buyers, don’t want it.
Millennials hate both formal in-home entertaining and use of second-hand goods. With looming student loans, they tend to rent and move often. Who wants to be constantly moving a piano and a grandfather clock from apartment to apartment?
And furniture? There’s no market for so-called “brown furniture,” meaning any furniture (regardless of quality) other than the “mid-century casual” furniture (think clean, lightweight) favored by millennials. Brown furniture is basically firewood.
If it’s not in great condition, it’s also not fit for donation because it can’t be resold.
All of my mother-in-law’s furniture (including the pieces inherited from her mother-in-law and kept for decades)? Straight to the landfill.
Well, Almost Everything…
What do guns, LPs (records), and precious metals/gems have in common?
They are 3 things you might have in your house with a robust resale value.
Silverware also has value, but only if it is real silver and can be melted down.
3 Things You Should Be Doing NOW to Reduce the Amount of Stuff You Have
1. Be viciously thoughtful about holding onto sentimental items.
Here was our goal with sorting through my mother-in-law’s things. Keep just enough to remind us of her, but not so much stuff that our daughters are going to be dealing with it 40 some-odd years from now.
Here’s what we kept:
- A painting to be displayed in our dining room
- My mother-in-law’s treasured Swarovski crystal animal collection (all of which were given to her by her children and grandchildren over the years)
- Jewelry to be divided among the granddaughters
- Each of our daughters got to select 1 item
And that was it.
Well, almost. We did set aside photos to be digitized (with the originals then destroyed).
Was it hard leaving everything else? You bet it was. But we don’t want to be dealing with a lot of stuff years from now (or worse, leaving it to our daughters to deal with).
I try to be viciously thoughtful with my own sentimental items. For example, I don’t save any school papers or art projects from my kids (though I do take photos of my favorites).
2. Buy fewer books.
While used book resellers like Half Price Books do an important service in keeping books in circulation, a surprising number of books end up in landfills because many paper recycling facilities can’t process the the glue that binds book spines.
My resolution last year was to cut down on my book consumption by only reading books that I borrow from the library or purchase on my Kindle e-reader. If you haven’t used a library in years, now is the time to go back. My local library has an app where you can “order” books online, and pick them up the next day on a special “hold” shelf strategically placed next to the check-out kiosk.
How successful was I on my resolution? I read 1 to 2 books a week in 2019, only 1 of which was a hard copy purchased from Amazon.
3. Buy fewer, but better quality, clothes
The world is overflowing with used clothing.
We buy substantially more clothing over our lifetimes than our grandparents did.
Clothing made today is meant to last no more than a few years. In fact, a lot of clothing isn’t even made to withstand more than a few washes.
Think you are “paying it forward” but dropping off a load of unwanted clothes at Goodwill? Think again. Most clothing donations never make it to the racks at Goodwill and only about a third of what does eventually sells.
To really pay it forward, cut down on the amount of clothing you have by buying better quality clothes that last longer.
Keeping What Really Matters
My 5-year-old chose to keep a Christmas music box from her Grandma’s house. It plays “White Christmas” and has tiny ice skaters going around a rink inside. Each Christmas, my mother-in-law would bring out this music box and let each of her granddaughter’s play with it. It’s value in preserving a precious memory of Grandma? Priceless.
There are special groups on facebook where certain items can be sold. Such as vintage quilts for sale, Vintage Singer sewing machines, etc, Wedgewood, Lennox, etc. But finding the right group, taking pictures of each item and selling it takes time. Estate sales are meant to sell quickly because the house is being sold. Many sales are frequented by resalers who, repair, paint, items and sell. They pay next to nothing because they know the estate liquidators have only 2 or 3 days to rid the house of everything. The items aren’t worthless. They just don’t have the time to do anything but have a fire sale of sorts.
Siobhan is absolutely right! Most of our stuff is, in fact, of no value regardless of what it cost. And it then often becomes “stuff” that is a burden that is difficult to get rid of. Personally, I am getting better at discarding clothes and knickknacks-they go straight to the dumpster. No one misses the stuff.
Why, Why ,Why did you take furnitlure to the landfill wlhen there are SO many people it could have been GIVEN to! I noticed it was all your Mother-in-laws things you disposed of so easily. It would be interesting to see how you handle YOUR mothers items. We have become such a throw a way country. Europe does it right! They not only cherish their older population and their “stuff”, but also take care of older buildings and homes. It is so amazing to go there and know you are looking at the same structures that were being looked at by many , many generations. Keep in mind you are also denying your children their heritage also. I understand why many things must be hauled away as I have helped close up several family estates. I also know the joy and shared memories we had with other siblings and cousins , etc when we went through things. People that come to visit are frequently charmed by the “stuff” you got rid of. At the very least, before you throw things away, let an antique dealer just have it for future generations!!
Ron and Jan: We didn’t want the inlaws furniture (not our taste) which was sold with the house in Florida. My mothers stuff was not stylish bought in late ’60’s (she passed in 2014) (pecan wood dining set,e tc.) for me or other siblings. No one wanted it at the estate sale, it may have been hauled off to the dump or donated. This stuff doesn’t sell to younger couples anyway. Baby boomers are downsizing and have no room for late parents stuff anyway and the g’kids son’t want it.
You are so right.
But wasn’t this the point of the whole story? That even things that we believe are worth something aren’t in the end? No antique dealers or Craigslist buyers want the old furniture treasured by the older generation. Therefore it goes to landfill. I’m in Europe clearing out my grandpa’s apartment and not even the goodwill stores will take the brown furniture from the 60′ and 70’s.
I like old furniture, but fortunately it is no longer in fashion and doesn’t seem to sell. I doubt antique dealers would take it, unless it is something very valuable. For those of us that do like heavy old furniture, now is a good time to buy. It’s sad.
I believe she said that her mother-in-law was the last surviving parent… No need to swing a low blow to someone who is grieving.
Wow….a tad over the top don’t you think?!
So I brought it al lhome from mom’s except clothing,,,and i have found that each time I stumble across something..it has lost a WHOLE LOT of its sentimental value…I will catch up to your level..only it is takng me more time,,,LOL!
I feel that saying that your items are worthless is a bit strong. I agree with Tracey. You just don’t have time because the sale of the property. I do agree with the millinials not caring for things of sentimental value. Maybe if they had not borrowed so much money and gone in debt over school they could take the piano to their home they just bought vs moving 10 times. I get it, downsize when you’re in your 50’s, but when your child asks you about grandma’s rocker to rock her baby in and you’ve already taken it to Goodwill already, too bad, huh??
I totally agree. I know millennials who love antiques. We are a throw away society. I have been to places where they have nothing. We DO have too many clothes and too much stuff, but family heirlooms should be treasured . I actually use my mother’s and my grandmother’s dishes. And I read actual books all the time.
I have sentimental items. I have antique furniture. Some over 90 years old. It will be going to cousins. If they want it. I won’t be taking it out west. I live in the Midwest. Its to fragile. Thank you for this information. It’s very sad that this day in age. People don’t care about family heirlooms. Things from other countries are among my antiques.
I agree totally! After moving my parents from the house they lived in for 46 years in CA to FL to be closer to my sister, and subsequently moving them to a retirement community, then to an assisted living facility, then finally to a parents cottage built specially for them on my sisters lot, I decided that I was not going to put my daughter thru going through all that “stuff!” We got rid of stuff every time they moved, but they still had a ton of stuff. Some of the furniture was hand made by my Dad, of course we kept that, but after asking the 5 kids, 10 grandchildren and 19 great grandchildren and most of them didn’t want any of the China, silver, anything! After my mother passed, we did divide up her jewelry between everyone that wanted some and then, after having the rest of it appraised, gave away what had no value, which was most of it! My sister just recently moved to be closer to me and I suggested we have a living estate sale; she didn’t want to but agreed and told me she was so glad as it cost her 10k to move what she decided to move and she was so happy she didn’t have to pay to move all that “stuff” that she wasn’t using but was keeping for sentimental reasons. As she was unpacking in her new home, she had a space in her double car garage where she is putting all the “stuff” she has decided to get rid of anyway! I don’t have that problem; things aren’t what mean the most; remembering all the happy times with love of those who have passed on fill my heart, but not my house!
Oh my goodness there is no need to throw “ brown” furniture in the landfill!! There are sites like Freecycle to list them for free on. Plus anything I have set out by the road somebody will pick it up.
My parents were divorced so that meant 2 households full of stuff. My Mom died first and both my brother and I kept lots of stuff, which for me involved renting a truck and driving 5 days to my home. Over the next few years I got rid of most of it. When my Dad died, both my brother and I kept much less, experience tells. And emptying his house was very lengthy. My Dad was a beginner hoarder, he lived rurally with lots of space and had lived there for more than forty years and he had grown up in the depression, so he kept everything, including broken appliances “for parts”. After those experiences, I looked around my own house and have changed. I got rid of a lot of stuff and definitely bring much less stuff into my house. I still buy real books, but only of my favourite authors. I even buy fewer clothes. It was a hard lesson. I still have lots of stuff but cleaning the house is no longer a monumental chore involving moving and cleaning lots of individual stuff. Marie Kondo has a point, it is much less stressful to own fewer things. I think we all have too much of our souls invested in stuff, especially inherited stuff. After each of my parents died, I felt free to get rid of various gifts they had given me that I never liked. I don’t judge others and their stuff, this is a very personal journey.
Yea, I’m the one in my family who as become caretaker of most of the family stuff. By myself in a ranch house with full length basement, two empty bedrooms, huge garage and loft. Much has been dispositioned one way or another over the 20 years since my mom passed away. I just finished dealing with the last few boxes of stuff a few years ago in fact, after a basement flood forced it. But some still remains. The desk, the electric bookshelf clock, some other items, all no brand department store stuff, but of sentimental value, that stays with me, as nobody else in the family has any room for it. Paradoxically, if I do go to sell some things of particular value, or throw something out, somebody in the family will tell me they want it kept. But the problem is, they don’t take the stuff, it then still stays here, taking up room at my place. I guess the biggest fret to me is what’s going to happen to the thousands of Kodak pictures in boxes, picture books, slides and negatives, some going back to the 1920’s. None of the younger relatives in the family are interested in anything to do with either the hardcopy or in any other form. I have visions of them winding up like so many other “orphaned” photographs I see staring back at me in flea markets, antiques stores and resale places. It’s a tough problem, and I guess each person has to find their way through dealing with their situation the best they can, what may sometimes wind up being an unexpected burden. It’s just not an easy job. It appears you’re not going to be able to please everybody, and people are not going to hesitate to give you their opinions on what you should do. I may have to just do, to get it done, and let some chips and feelings fall where they may.
I think the biggest take-away might be that if you wait until the end, you’re forced into throwing away things that might have been treated differently as suggested by some posters here. So start NOW! If the old-country armoire or grandma’s rocking chair are destined to be passed down, do it while you have time. Donate the high-quality brown furniture to someone in need, if you have a way to do that through a charity or church. But let’s face it–furniture that came flat in a box and got assembled? Particleboard furniture? It was always meant to be temporary.
At the very least, pack up “treasures” that are still stored in your home and put the recipient’s name on the box. Gift them now, when you see the one who gets them. When the time comes, people who are grieving won’t be burdened with decisions.