My husband and I have walked into my late mother-in-law’s house for the last time.
We are in the process of settling her estate, including the sale of her house and disposition of everything in it.
From a hutch filled with china and crystal goblets to overflowing jewelry boxes and coin collections. And everything in between.
A lot in between.
Her clothes. The Notre Dame sweaters my late father-in-law was so fond of wearing. Her furniture. Furniture inherited from her mother-in-law, still in the same place in the garage where it was originally placed 30 some-odd years ago. My husband’s Cub Scout uniform. Christmas decorations. Lots and lots of Christmas decorations.
Every room, every closet, every shelf, every drawer. Full of stuff. A lifetime of stuff. Two lifetimes, if you count my father-in-law, who passed away 11 years ago.
What to Do With a Lifetime of Stuff
My mother-in-law was a neat and tidy housekeeper. But like many of us (myself included), she lived in a good-sized house with plenty of room to accommodate stuff. Things inherited from her parents and her in-laws. The broken vacuum cleaner waiting for repair in the back of the closet. Hundreds of books read once. You get the picture.
And the cost of disposing of all of that stuff? Having the estate sale company we hired go through every room, every closet, every drawer, separating the trash from the treasures, may cost more than will be generated at the eventual estate sale.
Her house has been transformed into a store, the estate sale company having cleverly arranged and displayed my mother-in-law’s possessions on tables in every room.
All of her possessions with any value, save the very few we kept, each with a tiny white price tag.
Losing your last surviving parent is hard enough. But being the arbiter of which of your parents’ and grandparents’ treasures get saved and which end up sold, donated, or in a landfill? gut-wrenching.
The lesson we have learned from this experience?
Most of the stuff in your house is worthless. And eventually, someone, either you or your kids, will be tasked with the overwhelming job of getting rid of it.
Most of Your Stuff Is Worthless
Most of the stuff in your house is worthless.
Yes, even the stuff you worry the most about, the stuff you think is so good you don’t use it for fear of breaking it, has little to no resale value.
From china, china cabinets, crystal goblets, silver tea sets, pianos, and collectible figurines like Hummels, to grandfather clocks and real pieces of craftsmanship furniture.
Why? Baby boomers have glutted the market with their castoffs, and millennials, the next generation of buyers, don’t want it.
Millennials hate both formal in-home entertaining and use of second-hand goods. With looming student loans, they tend to rent and move often. Who wants to be constantly moving a piano and a grandfather clock from apartment to apartment?
And furniture? There’s no market for so-called “brown furniture,” meaning any furniture (regardless of quality) other than the “mid-century casual” furniture (think clean, lightweight) favored by millennials. Brown furniture is basically firewood.
If it’s not in great condition, it’s also not fit for donation because it can’t be resold.
All of my mother-in-law’s furniture (including the pieces inherited from her mother-in-law and kept for decades)? Straight to the landfill.
Well, Almost Everything…
What do guns, LPs (records), and precious metals/gems have in common?
They are 3 things you might have in your house with a robust resale value.
Silverware also has value, but only if it is real silver and can be melted down.
3 Things You Should Be Doing NOW to Reduce the Amount of Stuff You Have
1. Be viciously thoughtful about holding onto sentimental items.
Here was our goal with sorting through my mother-in-law’s things. Keep just enough to remind us of her, but not so much stuff that our daughters are going to be dealing with it 40 some-odd years from now.
Here’s what we kept:
- A painting to be displayed in our dining room
- My mother-in-law’s treasured Swarovski crystal animal collection (all of which were given to her by her children and grandchildren over the years)
- Jewelry to be divided among the granddaughters
- Each of our daughters got to select 1 item
And that was it.
Well, almost. We did set aside photos to be digitized (with the originals then destroyed).
Was it hard leaving everything else? You bet it was. But we don’t want to be dealing with a lot of stuff years from now (or worse, leaving it to our daughters to deal with).
I try to be viciously thoughtful with my own sentimental items. For example, I don’t save any school papers or art projects from my kids (though I do take photos of my favorites).
2. Buy fewer books.
While used book resellers like Half Price Books do an important service in keeping books in circulation, a surprising number of books end up in landfills because many paper recycling facilities can’t process the the glue that binds book spines.
My resolution last year was to cut down on my book consumption by only reading books that I borrow from the library or purchase on my Kindle e-reader. If you haven’t used a library in years, now is the time to go back. My local library has an app where you can “order” books online, and pick them up the next day on a special “hold” shelf strategically placed next to the check-out kiosk.
How successful was I on my resolution? I read 1 to 2 books a week in 2019, only 1 of which was a hard copy purchased from Amazon.
3. Buy fewer, but better quality, clothes
The world is overflowing with used clothing.
We buy substantially more clothing over our lifetimes than our grandparents did.
Clothing made today is meant to last no more than a few years. In fact, a lot of clothing isn’t even made to withstand more than a few washes.
Think you are “paying it forward” but dropping off a load of unwanted clothes at Goodwill? Think again. Most clothing donations never make it to the racks at Goodwill and only about a third of what does eventually sells.
To really pay it forward, cut down on the amount of clothing you have by buying better quality clothes that last longer.
Keeping What Really Matters
My 5-year-old chose to keep a Christmas music box from her Grandma’s house. It plays “White Christmas” and has tiny ice skaters going around a rink inside. Each Christmas, my mother-in-law would bring out this music box and let each of her granddaughter’s play with it. It’s value in preserving a precious memory of Grandma? Priceless.
As a former theatre costumer I appreciated donations of unusual items and formalwear. Military, vintage or ethnic garb can be used for productions. Usual everyday wear in good condition can go to Salvation Army. Our Goodwill used to take worn items and have the sheltered workshop crew cut them for rags for car dealerships to use cleaning cars.
Great post. My wife and I are dealing with this EXACT situation right now wither her mom’s big beautiful house an an upscale neighborhood. We first had to throw out years of magazines- thousands of them – that had been saved in piles everywhere. She saved everything. It took two 20-yard dumpsters to dispose of the trash and separate the valuables. And we are dealing with massive cnumbers of collectibles, figurines, swans, china, tea sets, antique furniture, and closets full of clothes, some that had been purchased, hung up by color, and never worn (tags still on). It is completely overwhelming and we’ve been working daily on it for one month. People….DOWNSIZE YOUR STUFF! 🙂
So many good tips. Thank you!
Wow! Such a great, eye opening article! It’s funny how we just don’t think about these things. My mom is in the process of really weeding everything out at our childhood home as well. I’m purging, but when you think of it this way, it actually has a meaning. I guess in the end we just have to ask ourselves, do we really need all this “stuff” we constantly keep buying? Hmmm. Thanks for sharing!
I agree with many points, regarding general clothing and misc. clutter. Also, dealing with a loved ones estate is often a difficult process. One option many aren’t aware of is hiring a professional auction company. There are resources online to find a reputable company to liquidate the estate. This takes the burden off of the family, and brings you the best value for items in the home.
Very informative… thank you !!
Had to go through my parents belongings two years ago. It’s funny how you put a value on “stuff”. You have the sale and your “stuff” is just “stuff” to someone else …of little or no value. I needed to read this “refresher course” so to speak, as ‘my” collection of books is taking over my home. Clothes..there’s a reason they say, “If you’ve not worn in in 2 years, get rid of it!”
Just because an item is on sale doesn’t mean you have to take it home…in my case “to store it”!!!! I’m good about that with shoes, boots and coats!
I’ve 8 pair of boots…6 of which I’ve never worn and one pair is for good, the other is for sloppy weather…
Again, Thank You so much….Am so looking forward to “purging” and cleaning out closets, cleaning off shelves and cupboards…………… full of stuff…. !!!
Thanks, this information was very useful. My husband and I are in the process of digging through his mother’s 90 years of clutter. What to save and it became so overwhelming, especially the photo albums, we didn’t know most of the people on the photos.
Sandra, Please don’t throw away old photographs. They can often have great value to collectors, even if the subjects are not known.
Yes! This is so important to think about and it’s important to take time for conversations to “release” your children emotionally from your things. Just because you love them, they cost a lot, or just because they belonged to someone they may not have ever really known, they shouldn’t feel obligated to them in any way when you’re gone. It’s not really a new thing though, just something every generation has to handle. I guess we’ve already been “viciously thoughtful” about many of our things.
We just have a few things here and there that belonged to our parents…..no value really… like a rusty hoe in my garden, a couple of their love letters, a Bible with my Dad’s notes, a sewing box that always sat near my Mom’s sewing machine, a small acrylic painting Vernon’s Mom did. These were the things that spoke us when they were gone. My son has his Grandpa’s pocket knife and fishing hat. We’re digitizing their pictures.
Now, as we decide to part with any of our things, we ask our son and his wife, “Do you want this or do you know someone who has a need for it now?” If they don’t, there’s no guilt imposed on them for not “liking” our stuff and it’s donated. There’s also a reminder that once they take something, it’s theirs! It can be painted, taken apart, sold or it can disappear without a comment from us.
Im in my upper 60’s, so I’ll add that I’ve also given myself the freedom to keep some of my “brown” furniture and my piano that I love. I’m still here and I enjoy having them! ? But when I’m gone, I don’t see the estate sale being so gut wrenching because we’ve talked about how our son and his family should only keep what speaks to them. Those estate sales are really a wonderful resource. Take out the things that matter to you and let them do their work! Cash the check. Go on vacation! No guilt!
You are absolutely correct! Our mother took care of this as she moved into an apartment (though getting her to the point of selecting what she could/would take was a challenging experience). When she passed, we were able to go through everything and clean out her apartment in a few days. This was extremely thoughtful and important for her, as she knew most of us were traveling over many miles to be there. Now we need to get busy on our own house contents. Thank you for your valuable advice!
It’s taken me 5 years to go through my parents belongings from a 3 bedroom house. This week is the last of it. Only keeping a hat, cane & wallet from dad, 1 set of china dishes & sewing machine of my mom’s. Sooooo much stuff!! Can’t tell you how much I’ve cried because of the amount of things to go thru.