My husband and I have walked into my late mother-in-law’s house for the last time.
We are in the process of settling her estate, including the sale of her house and disposition of everything in it.
From a hutch filled with china and crystal goblets to overflowing jewelry boxes and coin collections. And everything in between.
A lot in between.
Her clothes. The Notre Dame sweaters my late father-in-law was so fond of wearing. Her furniture. Furniture inherited from her mother-in-law, still in the same place in the garage where it was originally placed 30 some-odd years ago. My husband’s Cub Scout uniform. Christmas decorations. Lots and lots of Christmas decorations.
Every room, every closet, every shelf, every drawer. Full of stuff. A lifetime of stuff. Two lifetimes, if you count my father-in-law, who passed away 11 years ago.
What to Do With a Lifetime of Stuff
My mother-in-law was a neat and tidy housekeeper. But like many of us (myself included), she lived in a good-sized house with plenty of room to accommodate stuff. Things inherited from her parents and her in-laws. The broken vacuum cleaner waiting for repair in the back of the closet. Hundreds of books read once. You get the picture.
And the cost of disposing of all of that stuff? Having the estate sale company we hired go through every room, every closet, every drawer, separating the trash from the treasures, may cost more than will be generated at the eventual estate sale.
Her house has been transformed into a store, the estate sale company having cleverly arranged and displayed my mother-in-law’s possessions on tables in every room.
All of her possessions with any value, save the very few we kept, each with a tiny white price tag.
Losing your last surviving parent is hard enough. But being the arbiter of which of your parents’ and grandparents’ treasures get saved and which end up sold, donated, or in a landfill? gut-wrenching.
The lesson we have learned from this experience?
Most of the stuff in your house is worthless. And eventually, someone, either you or your kids, will be tasked with the overwhelming job of getting rid of it.
Most of Your Stuff Is Worthless
Most of the stuff in your house is worthless.
Yes, even the stuff you worry the most about, the stuff you think is so good you don’t use it for fear of breaking it, has little to no resale value.
From china, china cabinets, crystal goblets, silver tea sets, pianos, and collectible figurines like Hummels, to grandfather clocks and real pieces of craftsmanship furniture.
Why? Baby boomers have glutted the market with their castoffs, and millennials, the next generation of buyers, don’t want it.
Millennials hate both formal in-home entertaining and use of second-hand goods. With looming student loans, they tend to rent and move often. Who wants to be constantly moving a piano and a grandfather clock from apartment to apartment?
And furniture? There’s no market for so-called “brown furniture,” meaning any furniture (regardless of quality) other than the “mid-century casual” furniture (think clean, lightweight) favored by millennials. Brown furniture is basically firewood.
If it’s not in great condition, it’s also not fit for donation because it can’t be resold.
All of my mother-in-law’s furniture (including the pieces inherited from her mother-in-law and kept for decades)? Straight to the landfill.
Well, Almost Everything…
What do guns, LPs (records), and precious metals/gems have in common?
They are 3 things you might have in your house with a robust resale value.
Silverware also has value, but only if it is real silver and can be melted down.
3 Things You Should Be Doing NOW to Reduce the Amount of Stuff You Have
1. Be viciously thoughtful about holding onto sentimental items.
Here was our goal with sorting through my mother-in-law’s things. Keep just enough to remind us of her, but not so much stuff that our daughters are going to be dealing with it 40 some-odd years from now.
Here’s what we kept:
- A painting to be displayed in our dining room
- My mother-in-law’s treasured Swarovski crystal animal collection (all of which were given to her by her children and grandchildren over the years)
- Jewelry to be divided among the granddaughters
- Each of our daughters got to select 1 item
And that was it.
Well, almost. We did set aside photos to be digitized (with the originals then destroyed).
Was it hard leaving everything else? You bet it was. But we don’t want to be dealing with a lot of stuff years from now (or worse, leaving it to our daughters to deal with).
I try to be viciously thoughtful with my own sentimental items. For example, I don’t save any school papers or art projects from my kids (though I do take photos of my favorites).
2. Buy fewer books.
While used book resellers like Half Price Books do an important service in keeping books in circulation, a surprising number of books end up in landfills because many paper recycling facilities can’t process the the glue that binds book spines.
My resolution last year was to cut down on my book consumption by only reading books that I borrow from the library or purchase on my Kindle e-reader. If you haven’t used a library in years, now is the time to go back. My local library has an app where you can “order” books online, and pick them up the next day on a special “hold” shelf strategically placed next to the check-out kiosk.
How successful was I on my resolution? I read 1 to 2 books a week in 2019, only 1 of which was a hard copy purchased from Amazon.
3. Buy fewer, but better quality, clothes
The world is overflowing with used clothing.
We buy substantially more clothing over our lifetimes than our grandparents did.
Clothing made today is meant to last no more than a few years. In fact, a lot of clothing isn’t even made to withstand more than a few washes.
Think you are “paying it forward” but dropping off a load of unwanted clothes at Goodwill? Think again. Most clothing donations never make it to the racks at Goodwill and only about a third of what does eventually sells.
To really pay it forward, cut down on the amount of clothing you have by buying better quality clothes that last longer.
Keeping What Really Matters
My 5-year-old chose to keep a Christmas music box from her Grandma’s house. It plays “White Christmas” and has tiny ice skaters going around a rink inside. Each Christmas, my mother-in-law would bring out this music box and let each of her granddaughter’s play with it. It’s value in preserving a precious memory of Grandma? Priceless.
OMG!!!! I work as a move manager specializing in downsizing! You hit the nail on the head!!!! So thankful for your beautifully written message to the world!!!!
Thank you for writing this. My father-in-law jokes about how much of his stuff we’ll have to go through but, after moving my grandmother three times in five years, it really isn’t funny. Not only do most things not have value, but the time and cost involved in disposal is significant: the renting of large trucks and vans to take loads to the dump; the hiring of movers to cart rooms worth of things off to Goodwill; and the sheer hours, and hours, and hours. I have spent months of my life moving and sorting and otherwise dealing with my grandmother’s stuff — and she and my grandfather were not hoarders by any stretch. I love your consideration for your daughters; it is too rare.
Aunt Temmie has now been gone twenty- three years. Before we moved her to several assisted living places, she was forever misplacing her diamonds. And just let me tell you… she did indeed have diamonds of great value… all European cut. In her last place of residence, I was helping her get ready to take her back to her beloved city of New Braunfels. All at once, she said she wanted to wear her red silk dress and that I should go to the closet and get it. Then she related that the night was special and she would wear all her best diamonds which she had carefully pinned to the left shoulder pad of that red silk dress. Before she arrived at her last residence, her brother, a federal judge, was always asking me where her diamond were. Well, you see… we kept the bare essentials in everything, including clothes. All else went to Good Will. Finally I was able to call the brother and tell him of the fate of the diamonds. He related that someone out there got a really nice gift when they bought that red silk dress. That is aa true story and one of my favorites. The dress was a Vera Wang… or something like that.
I have no problem thinking that my kids will have to go through my stuff, reminisce some, throw most away and save a few things in a closet, etc. Its just part of saying good-bye. If some of the stuff I donate doesn’t get used or sold so what. It all works out!
You know, I agree with you. Everyone keeps saying get rid of your things but why? I agree sometimes you can have just junk or trash and that should go but if you have things you enjoy, even if it’s a lot, why do you have to get rid of them if you enjoy them. If you are a person who doesn’t like a lot, makes you feel cluttered, then by all means get rid of it but…….if you enjoy having lots of things around you then have at it….enjoy them.
OK Boomer…
I agree with you. This author just sounds like you shouldn’t care about anything except what she deems important. I’ve gone through and dispensed of my parents entire home and it was a great experience going down memory lane and enjoying their life. The author just sounds like “sour grapes” to me. I feel rather sorry for her.
Very good article. When my sweet parents moved to assisted living in 2012, I had to go through their five thousand square foot house and make fifty-nine years of accumulation go away. They kept it all. They kept it ALL. It was hell on wheels and I vowed to never saddle our own kids with having to get rid of junk we never should have acquired in the first place. Although both my husband and I have always been on the same page regarding the joys of decluttering, we have since approached it with a new zeal, and I swear it is one of my very favorite things to do. No more visual indigestion, just a serene happiness to scan a house that contains only objects that have purpose and meaning (although we had to rethink the definition of those words). The air feels softer, the rooms look brighter, and it’s simultaneously so peaceful and energizing. I can look at drawers and closet doors knowing what’s inside is tidy and streamlined with room for more, which I have no intention of filling. I wish I’d had the epiphany decades earlier, but better late than never.
This article describes what a nightmare my brother and I went through over the past two years. This horrific to admit, but the experience made me feel passively suicidal and I was on the verge of becoming failure to thrive! So glad the estate sale is over with, but we’re stuck with a house sitting on the market, as well as two plots of land that we have to pay property taxes on until it all sells. I am a near-minimalist myself. The less items I have in my possession, the better I feel. I still have nightmares about “all of that stuff” ruining my life. I seriously have PTSD over this!
Loved your article. Why is this so hard to do? I have lots of things I cherish and lots of things I do not need. I will tell you it is overwhelming and at times very depressing. I do have someone that will help – but I have not opened that door yet.
You are so right about the young people most of them do not want it. So, this means just get rid of it. We had so many garage sales growing up and I know all my Aunts enjoyed all the family getting together. That is what my Mom and all her sister did to get rid of things and make a little money in the process. As kids we had lots of fun being with each other.
I will say a prayer for all of us who need to get rid of all the clutter a room at a time. It wasn’t collected in a day and it will not go away in a day. The journey will be somewhat like a cleansing in quick sand.
But, I know what I need to do… #stuff #treasures #gone #breath
I’m about to do this in a Dallas. Can you share the estate sale company you used?
Thanks.
Ps-mom was from Dublin. I got your name, no problem. ☘️
Brown antique furniture is back in…I could have saved you a trip to the landfill. And I entertain often with the fine china and crystal and silver. And if child of mine melts down my grandmother’s silver I’ll come back to haunt them!
I see both sides of this issue and clearly there needs to be middle ground. This is callus in regards to a life time of sentimental belongings being trashed or a “burden to endure”. There is such disregard to the lifetime demonstrated in your parents belongings. I would venture to say if this author were going through her mother’s belongings the sentiment may be different. Personally, I am giving away my special belongings before I pass. I am asking my children and family if they would like to have certain items. If they do that’s great if not I will give to those who do. This gives us a special time to talk about the memories had and special meaning. There is definitely an over abundance of belongings in my generation as we come from a generation that values what we acquired. I agree with removing as much “clutter and meaningless” belongings. As I say there is some merit to this author’s opinion. I am 64 years old with numbered days due to cancer. It would break my heart to know my children had such an attitude about going through what I had left in this world. I agree, for some this is a time of reflection and remembrance of those passed. I do not wish to burden my children nor do I want them to casually and recklessly throw my belongings out with such callus attitude.