My husband and I have walked into my late mother-in-law’s house for the last time.
We are in the process of settling her estate, including the sale of her house and disposition of everything in it.
From a hutch filled with china and crystal goblets to overflowing jewelry boxes and coin collections. And everything in between.
A lot in between.
Her clothes. The Notre Dame sweaters my late father-in-law was so fond of wearing. Her furniture. Furniture inherited from her mother-in-law, still in the same place in the garage where it was originally placed 30 some-odd years ago. My husband’s Cub Scout uniform. Christmas decorations. Lots and lots of Christmas decorations.
Every room, every closet, every shelf, every drawer. Full of stuff. A lifetime of stuff. Two lifetimes, if you count my father-in-law, who passed away 11 years ago.
What to Do With a Lifetime of Stuff
My mother-in-law was a neat and tidy housekeeper. But like many of us (myself included), she lived in a good-sized house with plenty of room to accommodate stuff. Things inherited from her parents and her in-laws. The broken vacuum cleaner waiting for repair in the back of the closet. Hundreds of books read once. You get the picture.
And the cost of disposing of all of that stuff? Having the estate sale company we hired go through every room, every closet, every drawer, separating the trash from the treasures, may cost more than will be generated at the eventual estate sale.
Her house has been transformed into a store, the estate sale company having cleverly arranged and displayed my mother-in-law’s possessions on tables in every room.
All of her possessions with any value, save the very few we kept, each with a tiny white price tag.
Losing your last surviving parent is hard enough. But being the arbiter of which of your parents’ and grandparents’ treasures get saved and which end up sold, donated, or in a landfill? gut-wrenching.
The lesson we have learned from this experience?
Most of the stuff in your house is worthless. And eventually, someone, either you or your kids, will be tasked with the overwhelming job of getting rid of it.
Most of Your Stuff Is Worthless
Most of the stuff in your house is worthless.
Yes, even the stuff you worry the most about, the stuff you think is so good you don’t use it for fear of breaking it, has little to no resale value.
From china, china cabinets, crystal goblets, silver tea sets, pianos, and collectible figurines like Hummels, to grandfather clocks and real pieces of craftsmanship furniture.
Why? Baby boomers have glutted the market with their castoffs, and millennials, the next generation of buyers, don’t want it.
Millennials hate both formal in-home entertaining and use of second-hand goods. With looming student loans, they tend to rent and move often. Who wants to be constantly moving a piano and a grandfather clock from apartment to apartment?
And furniture? There’s no market for so-called “brown furniture,” meaning any furniture (regardless of quality) other than the “mid-century casual” furniture (think clean, lightweight) favored by millennials. Brown furniture is basically firewood.
If it’s not in great condition, it’s also not fit for donation because it can’t be resold.
All of my mother-in-law’s furniture (including the pieces inherited from her mother-in-law and kept for decades)? Straight to the landfill.
Well, Almost Everything…
What do guns, LPs (records), and precious metals/gems have in common?
They are 3 things you might have in your house with a robust resale value.
Silverware also has value, but only if it is real silver and can be melted down.
3 Things You Should Be Doing NOW to Reduce the Amount of Stuff You Have
1. Be viciously thoughtful about holding onto sentimental items.
Here was our goal with sorting through my mother-in-law’s things. Keep just enough to remind us of her, but not so much stuff that our daughters are going to be dealing with it 40 some-odd years from now.
Here’s what we kept:
- A painting to be displayed in our dining room
- My mother-in-law’s treasured Swarovski crystal animal collection (all of which were given to her by her children and grandchildren over the years)
- Jewelry to be divided among the granddaughters
- Each of our daughters got to select 1 item
And that was it.
Well, almost. We did set aside photos to be digitized (with the originals then destroyed).
Was it hard leaving everything else? You bet it was. But we don’t want to be dealing with a lot of stuff years from now (or worse, leaving it to our daughters to deal with).
I try to be viciously thoughtful with my own sentimental items. For example, I don’t save any school papers or art projects from my kids (though I do take photos of my favorites).
2. Buy fewer books.
While used book resellers like Half Price Books do an important service in keeping books in circulation, a surprising number of books end up in landfills because many paper recycling facilities can’t process the the glue that binds book spines.
My resolution last year was to cut down on my book consumption by only reading books that I borrow from the library or purchase on my Kindle e-reader. If you haven’t used a library in years, now is the time to go back. My local library has an app where you can “order” books online, and pick them up the next day on a special “hold” shelf strategically placed next to the check-out kiosk.
How successful was I on my resolution? I read 1 to 2 books a week in 2019, only 1 of which was a hard copy purchased from Amazon.
3. Buy fewer, but better quality, clothes
The world is overflowing with used clothing.
We buy substantially more clothing over our lifetimes than our grandparents did.
Clothing made today is meant to last no more than a few years. In fact, a lot of clothing isn’t even made to withstand more than a few washes.
Think you are “paying it forward” but dropping off a load of unwanted clothes at Goodwill? Think again. Most clothing donations never make it to the racks at Goodwill and only about a third of what does eventually sells.
To really pay it forward, cut down on the amount of clothing you have by buying better quality clothes that last longer.
Keeping What Really Matters
My 5-year-old chose to keep a Christmas music box from her Grandma’s house. It plays “White Christmas” and has tiny ice skaters going around a rink inside. Each Christmas, my mother-in-law would bring out this music box and let each of her granddaughter’s play with it. It’s value in preserving a precious memory of Grandma? Priceless.
I’ve digitized a lot of photo prints, slides & negatives but still keep the originals because digital media can be lost in an instant for a lot of reasons including hard drive failure and clumsy human deleting.
In early October 2019, the beautiful woman who had lived with me for the past 7 years died unexpectedly. Because we were not married, her children (4) took everything, including the dog. There went my walking buddy! I did keep a few small mementos, pictures mostly. For me, it is not the physical things that hold the most memories, but the feelings for her that I will always have in my heart for her.
Great advice but what do I do with my hoarding housemate? He pays me to rent ONE bedroom but he has his junk in 7 places in my house.
We just went through this when we downsized from 4500 sq ft to a 1600 sq ft 2 BR condo. We held a massive garage sale and made $7000. Here is a hint: never sell individual items. Each shelf was priced “$X for all” and everything sold. Two lots of Christmas decorations priced for $X each. On the tables I put 10-12 kitchen items in a vase and sold it as a lot. All garden tools together, etc. If you sell groupings, more will go and the goal is to get rid of the stuff, not make money – although we did. We also chose our best items to use everyday. Now, we use our wedding china for dinner each night. Our sterling silver set the same. The crystal also. It won’t sell and we really do still love it. Use your stuff. Unload the rest.
I just love your “about the author” blurb! So many times they are a dry repetition of what his/her accomplishments are and from what Ivy League school they attended. I love this one, and can relate so much more to this woman. Also, the tips on decluttering in this post were good too!
Hmmmm. I think every person is entitled to have what makes them happy. I feel like my parent did enough for me that they don’t have to purge all their stuff before they die just to convenience me. Just my opinion.
Because of health I had to move from the country to the city. I went from 8400 sq. ft. under roof to 1500 sq. ft. Was it hard? HA! I had collected since I was six. Now I’m 74. I hired an estate sale person whose crew arrive the week before. they pulled everything out of storage, displayed it in the 3 1/2 acre yard and sold it all in three days. I donated to museums by the truck loads. Family papers from 1845, WWI family uniforms, WWII collections, valuable books, portraits, pictures, china, family histories and on and on went to museums. I still carried too much to the new place. In the Spring, there will be another sale. People ask me how I managed to ever do what I did. Tell them the hardest decision was to decide.
Good for you David for donating to museums, etc where those items can still be appreciated, of course, you can always see them again too.
My mother, who is 90 now, delights in telling us (her 3 daughters) that she has 4 storage units full of stuff she no longer uses, and that we will be the ones going through the stuff.
I live in a 2 bedroom apt, with NO ROOM for much of anything. My sisters each have a house and a vacation home, so they have a bit more flexibility, but not much. It makes perfect sense that jewelry and silverware are of value, but really only sentimental and melt down value.
Paintings are welcome by all three of us.
I DREAD going through her possessions when she passes. So do my sisters, and my mother doesn’t give a hoot in hell about the task she will leave us with. Not to mention the cost of saving 4 storage units of furniture, rugs, and china that she no longer uses nor has room for.
That cost probably exceeds the value of the contents, by a lot.
My husband and I have gone through with this process this year after his 94 yr old aunt died. He “inherited” it all, literally and figuratively. We spent a month going through some things, removing paperwork that shouldn’t be shared, going through jewelry chests and dresser drawers for treasures, and pulling down things from an attic. We sold her house after about 2 months following her death, and luckily, the buyers told us about an estate sales company who came in and took over and did the rest. If you use an estate sales company , ask if they have a media following. This company did and people came from all over after seeing the pictures they posted on line of items for sale. Now if only I could get done what this article suggests so that it’s not left for my children to do.
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So what if your son or daughter has to “deal” with your stuff when you are gone……. A generation from now some of this stuff might be well received.