Momolutions: Focusing on the Future. Not Setting Goals.

Like other Dallas Moms, I actually don’t do New Years resolutions. I don’t have a problem with them, I actually think they’re great. Reflecting on the year past and setting your eyes/mind/heart/stomach on what you hope to achieve in the year ahead is a great thing to do. I just know myself and know I’m not likely to follow through. 

But for some reason this year is different. 

Last year was hard. Frankly, last year was the hardest I have ever had. Fertility drugs, a miscarriage, recovery (physical and emotional), and more fertility drugs consumed my time and thoughts for the majority of the year. The healthy pregnancy that has resulted is nothing short of amazing and wonderful, but I wanted this year to be more than just the year baby Carrie arrives. This year I want to set –not goals--focus areas.

I’ve come up with a few things I want to focus on… and because I love alliteration, I managed to make them all start with C.

Contentment

This year I want to focus on the good. On what is going right and not what is going wrong. I want to see every perfect and wonderful thing about my son (and eventually my daughter) (and my husband) and not every tiny little thing I can nitpick about. One of the outcomes of the last year was perspective. Boy, do I have a different one than before. And I cannot forget it. I want to be happy with where we are at right now, and not worried about what is to come (oh my husband faults me about this all the time!) 

Connection

One thing I realized about myself in the last several months, is that although I am introverted, I still need people. But not lots of people. And not just any people. I need time with what Anne of Green Gables calls my “kindred spirits”. These women seem to speak the words I need to hear without me even knowing I was waiting to hear them. Their words are a balm to my soul. We live in a time where thanks to technology we are more connected than ever before, but we still have to work at true connection. For me, face to face time is crucial. This year, I am going to make in-person connection purposeful and a higher priority than it has in the past. 

Clemency

And not in the courtroom sense, but in the “I am my own worst critic and I need to lay off” sense. I was that kid who always made straight A’s, and not because my parents ever rewarded us or said it was a requirement, but because I expected that of myself. I beat myself up about not being able to get pregnant for months and months (little did I know what was to come).  I gave myself a hard time about having a c-section –even after successfully navigating a pregnancy with type 1 diabetes and growing a perfect child.  I beat myself up about formula feeding when my supply gave out and my newborn stopped growing. I knew I was failing as a wife and mother after sending my husband through the drive-thru for the millionth time.  And I never am happy about never having a clean house. And I that don’t plan outings or activities to stimulate my toddler at his current developmental stage.  BUT, I’m wrong.  The truth is, I am doing a great job. My child is happy, healthy, loved, clean (mostly), and fed, and that is all I need to worry about.  Everything else is just icing on the cake.  And I think moms as a group need to give each other a hug and give ourselves a break.  We all worry too much and don’t trust ourselves to follow our instincts. Our own mothers survived without “What to Expect” or “Baby 411”, and we all turned out fine.  I want to enjoy every minute of every stage with Carrie girl, unlike with Carter, when I was constantly focusing on my shortcomings as a new mom.

This is going to be a great year for sure, but I know focusing on these things will make it even better!