Leave Me Alone: Independent Play

One of my favorite things we’ve done for my toddler is giving him daily independent play time. Did you know independent play is important?  I had no idea that my kids need to play alone!  We affectionately refer to this as “room time” at our house. Yes, the concept springs from the hotly debated Babywise. I think this is a skill that is less about Babywise and more about giving your kids some freedom…. and Mama also!

Room time has been a powerful weapon in my mama arsenal. It usually helps “reset” Jack if he wakes up cranky. I’ve seen more independence and creativity in my son. Room time gives us routine to our day. It also helps bring those long-abandoned toys back into play. I get the added benefit of some time to get ready in the morning. I usually take care of breakfast dishes, start laundry, or put the baby down for a nap.  It’s really been a win for our family.

At our house, room time is 30 to 60 minutes a day when my two year old plays alone. Jack usually has room time right after breakfast, when Daddy leaves in the morning. We began shortly after Jack’s second birthday but I think he would have enjoyed it sooner. To start implementing room time, we spent 5-10 minutes per day practicing being alone and staying in a room. How? We use the kitchen timer. Some families use a special CD to help children mark the time. Another idea is this fabulous device called the “time timer” that gives kids a visual idea of passing time.  Slowly we increased the time to work up to about 45 minutes.

What does Jack do in there? I don’t know! When he and I play together, we usually play with the same toys and do the same things with them. When he is alone he pulls different toys down and mixes them all up.  I have seen him cooking legos in his play kitchen while dressed like a fireman. I’ve walked into Jack curled up in a fort, with a wheel from a remote control car, sailing to an island full of pirates. To get him started, I usually give him a five minute notice til room time. Truthfully, he protests a little bit. He wants to be social and can feel stuck in his room. I usually go with him and let him pick a toy or book and spend a few minutes getting him engaged in the activity. Once he’s engrossed in planning a bear birthday party or whatever the choice is, I slip out and turn on the timer. Even though he fusses initially, Jack does a fabulous job being by himself and enjoys room time immensely once he has started. Room time has lessened the demand on me to constantly be his playmate as he has learned that he is capable of playing without me.

I have a dear friend who created these “quiet time boxes” with little toys and activities to keep her bigger kids happy each day. Their room time is for older preschoolers who aren’t napping every day, and need to be a bit quieter instead of a full-room romp.

Jack is allowed to come out of his room to go potty or bring me a toy if he needs help. Right before room time is over, I usually go in and join him in his play. One, it’s fascinating to see what he’s up to, and two, he usually has something to show me. It also helps me transition him out of room time and playing, in case we need to hop in the car right away. This is an added benefit… since I’ve been alone a bit I am ready to engage with him, and he is ready to do the same.

Do you give your kids scheduled independent play time? Do you have any tips?

PS- I must give my friend Jenn some credit for strongly encouraging me to implement toddler room time before the arrival of my infant. She swore up and down it would help when baby came. IT DOES. Teach your big kid to operate without you a little bit if you’ve got a baby on the way!