Let me give you a glimpse into a secret society of moms. These are the women who are facing the fact that their first born children are turning 13. My baby girl is turning into a teenager this January, and I’ve already banded together with two other moms whose children are turning 13 the same month. While I can’t speak for their experience, I can certainly share mine, and my emotions are all over the map.
In fact, I’ve realized the only other time in my life I’ve felt this way is when I first got pregnant. It’s all so unknown. People can explain what having a newborn is like until they’re blue in the face, and you can read a hundred books about it in preparation for mothering. But no one honestly understands until they hold that child in their arms and bring it into their home and life. It’s the same thing with having a teenager. I’ve heard what it’s like. I’ve read a few books. I have no clue what I’m doing.
It feels like the brink of something new. It’s scary and exciting all at once. The little person I’ve poured so much time, love, and energy into is becoming a big person. I get to see her blossom into a young woman. The dynamics of our relationship are shifting in subtle, often imperceptible ways. I have to find new balances between my desire to protect and her desire for independence.
We are both learning new ways to keep the lines of communication open. I’m practicing giving her more space and ownership of her decisions. I’m biting my tongue when the urge to criticize or nag hits. It’s a struggle for me, and I hate it when I mess up. I’ve had plenty of opportunities to model apologizing. I’ve still got 5 years (only 5?!) to teach and mentor her before she leaves the nest. I really don’t know what those 5 years will look like. Will we fight? Is she going to rebel? Are we going to face difficult situations and consequences? Will she choose good friends?
I’m clinging to my mom friends the way I did when she was a baby. We are sharing advice, encouragement, and the ever important listening ear. Instead of asking each other about rice cereal and colic, we’re discussing limits for technology and curfews. Some days are painfully difficult, and others are so perfectly beautiful I want to freeze time.
I’m not sure how it happened or how the years could have passed so quickly, but here I am on the brink of having a teenager. Thankfully, I’ve got mom friends right there with me. So I’m taking a deep breath, and diving into the unknown. I don’t have to understand it completely. I’ll learn as I go, just like I did when I brought that sweet bundle home 13 years ago.
