It’s a fact of life that children are getting their own cell phones at younger ages than ever before. Whether you chalk it up to our technology infused society or the simple convenience of parents being able to reach their kids more easily, a large number of kids are carrying cell phones.
If you were to poll a group of parents on “When is the right age for a child to get a cell phone?” you’d probably receive a wide range of answers. I think the most important thing to think about is your own child’s maturity level and need for a cell phone rather than just handing one over because everyone else is doing it.
Another thing to consider is what type of cell phone is most appropriate. A simple flip phone for emergency calls only, a smart phone with WiFi capability but no cell service, or a fully capable smart phone with unlimited texting and calls are three completely different options with different levels of responsibility for the child (and the parents!)
As a parent, I can see the benefits of my tween having her own cell phone, but I can also see the risks. I think it’s extremely important to continually go over phone safety lessons with our kids and to take some kind of active role in monitoring their phone use. My 12 year old daughter currently uses an old iPhone with WiFi access but no cell service. She is allowed to use it at school with their WiFi and guidelines, and she uses it at home or at friends’ houses on their WiFi.
Here’s a list of phone safety and etiquette topics I discuss often with her:
- the physical aspect of caring for a phone to prevent it from being broken or stolen
- the fact that I can look through her phone at any time, and that it’s not a place for hidden behavior or secrets
- the importance of typing and posting only things she wouldn’t mind her parents and grandparents reading
- the permanence of the things she types and posts
- getting friends’ permission before posting photos of them and monitoring what others post about her
- every app must be approved and downloaded to her phone by a parent
- she is only allowed to interact with people she knows and that are approved by me on her phone
- her phone can be taken away for any length of time if she doesn’t comply with our guidelines
- phones are not used at the table or when interacting and engaging with people around her
- she can talk to me about photos, texts, or anything she sees that concerns her or she doesn’t understand
- the phone is plugged in to charge in my bedroom every night, not her room
I didn’t tell her these things once and then turn over the phone for her to use however she wishes. These are conversations we have over and over, and there have been many teachable moments involving her cell phone use and interactions with others.
Monitoring a child’s cell phone use takes diligence, time, and effort. Just as I wouldn’t drop a 3 year old off at the playground and drive away, I shouldn’t place a cell phone in my kids’ hands and turn my back, hoping for the best.
Be careful which apps are allowed on kids’ smartphones. Read reviews online and try to stay informed. For example, my daughter is not allowed to use Snapchat, an app that automatically deletes texting and photo interactions, but she is allowed to use Instagram. Even though I have deemed Instagram an okay app for her, I still make sure her account is private, and I check her follow lists every week or so to see that she is only interacting with appropriate people. There are so many settings that can be adjusted by parents. Turn off the phone’s location settings, in-app purchasing, or even disable web browsing capabilities or restrict emailing to certain addresses. (Tip: The easiest place to start on an iPhone is under Settings/General/Restrictions where many restrictions can be set up and password protected by a parent.)
Some parents use spyware that, with or without their child’s knowledge, shows them every single thing that is typed or used on the cell phone. I have looked into that type of monitoring (which costs about $15 per month) and decided not to go that route at this time. There’s something appealing about knowing everything, but just as I can’t listen to every dialogue my daughter has with friends at school, I am giving her some freedom to make responsible choices with her cell phone within the boundaries I have set up.
If your child isn’t ready for the responsibility of a smartphone, but there are times you’d like to more easily reach them or be reached by them, there’s a different solution that has worked well for our family. About a year ago I purchased a $15 TracFone (available at most retail stores.) Every 3 months I purchase a $20 card that adds 120 minutes and 3 months of service to the phone. We call it the emergency phone, and it sits in a corner of the living room. If any of my 3 kids are going somewhere where I might need to get in touch with them or they might need to call on me, they take the emergency phone with them. It’s a simple flip phone with a few family numbers programmed into it. My kids have taken this phone to camp, sleepovers, when walking to or from school, or when going down the street to play at the neighborhood park.
There are so many things to consider before giving a cell phone to a child. It can be a useful thing, but also a scary prospect. Parents must take an active role in setting up boundaries, communicating expectations, monitoring use, and teaching through the incidents that arise. Technology use is a skill that needs to be taught no matter what age a child is when they first start accessing it.
