When your baby is about to turn one, you get infected with a mean case of nostalgia. In the past two weeks I have cried watching videos of our first moments together, packing away tiny pajamas and marveling at the sheer adorableness of her mini-donut sized hospital bracelet. Then I remembered a funny tidbit and my tears turned to laughter. During some last minute nesting (once a procrastinator, always a procrastinator) I actually ordered her baby book and PAID EXPEDITED SHIPPING to make sure it arrived before she did. How could we possibly spend a few days in the hospital with a newborn baby without recording all the important things? In those pre-baby days, I daydreamed about crafting the perfect memento while our sweet angel napped peacefully in her bassinet. Flash forward to her rapidly approaching first birthday and honestly, I’m not quite sure where I stuck the (empty) baby book and I’m not really in a huge rush to find it.
Baby girl, if that baby book never gets completed (it’s on my to-do list, swear) please look back on this when you are grown and know that your first year was so much more than any book could capture. When you want to know what I did instead of cutting and pasting pictures and anecdotes into your baby book, here is an abridged list.
Breastfed you on demand like my own mom did 40 years ago. I hit the mom lottery because not only did I give birth to the most awesome baby ever, we got to spend every one of your first 365 days together. I never had to have a resentful relationship with a breast pump and our daily schedule was loose and fast. The first four months of the seemingly simple task of feeding you were some of the hardest of my life and it was all-consuming on some of the rough days. But we built a trust and bond and worked it out together and I was your sole life force for half of your first year.
Took you to the library for story time. The diaper changing, feeding, diaper bag packing, car seat loading and driving took about 10 times longer than your actual attention span for the wheels on the bus, but I tried to go at least once a week. I wanted to make sure you spent time with other babies and got to chew on things in public that had most likely been in the hands and mouths of hundreds of other kids.
Watched Dance Academy. During my “downtime” those Aussie ballet-school teens got me through cluster feedings, sleep deprivation, and periods of thinking I might not be cut-out for this line of work. Indulgent? Maybe, but the 22 minute episodes were a little escape from reality that let me float away for a moment and reboot before getting right back to you and your needs.
Cried while I held you in the nursery. Sometimes it was out of pure exhaustion, but most of the time it was an expression of pure overwhelming feelings of love and devotion. I would smell you and kiss you, let you fall asleep in my arms or read to you. When my nerves were shot or I felt like I wouldn’t make it through the day, those moments would rejuvenate me more than a Starbucks run.
Slept. Hahahahaha. Just kidding.
Googled like I’d never googled before. Instead of a baby book, I wish I could provide you with a complete history of every website, article, blog and chat forum that I consulted from day one of your life. Turns out babies really don’t come with instruction manuals, but luckily we do have the internet. Think of how cute it would be as a 30 year old to know that I spent hours browsing about baby constipation, when milestones might appear, or how much drool is normal. Too many nights were spent nervously searching for hours before breathing a sigh of relief once I found someone in a chat forum from 2011 with exactly the same issue you had that day.
Moved to Dallas. Know what’s fun? Moving to a brand new city with a 3 week old. There were many tears and struggles, but it was our first important decision as a family of 3 and we nailed it. Special shout out to the mamaRoo® or we would probably still have unpacked boxes.
Took you on planes, trains, and automobiles. The sheer planning that goes in to an afternoon outing let alone an overnight trip is enough to make a person on 4 hours of sleep just stay home and call it a day. I tried to make sure we went somewhere almost every day, even though admittedly 75% of the time it was an exotic trip to Target. But I schlepped you like a piece of luggage to Grandma’s, a peaceful lake house rental, a ranch in the country complete with a donkey and some ducks, the town in Indiana where I grew up and the top of the Washington Monument in Washington DC.
Most of all, I chose to spend the year taking care of you, doting on you, watching you discover something new every day and just holding you tight whenever you would let me. Your baby book is all around you and maybe someday some of these 4000 + iPhone photos will make their way onto the pages of that adorable book in the closet, but if they don’t please know that I chose to live it rather than adorn it with snapshots and stickers. We created plenty of memories for me to share with you someday, all with no extra shipping charges.
So true!! Love it!!!
Love it. Wept. Miss you guys. xoxo