We recently went through the process of selling our first home and it naturally brought out a lot of thoughts and emotions. Aside from the sadness we feel about leaving our first home, the one we brought our only child home to, I mostly found it overwhelming to get our house staged nicely while being married to a border-line hoarder. My identity as a minimalist only goes so far… mostly I just feel really productive and calm in a very tidy and de-cluttered home.

That has not been our home in recent years because life with a 2-year-old just commands a bit of clutter it seems. My biggest struggle in the process to live more minimally is that my husband is definitely NOT a minimalist. He comes by it honestly. He grew up in a home with one-earner, and his family valued what they had and what they had been given. So much so that they still have a very hard time getting rid of things that, in their words, “work just fine”.

Now that our home is extremely neat and tidy due to various showings and staging pictures, he has come to realize there is value in a bit of minimalism. He appreciates the cleanliness and having things put away neatly. Even if you aren’t moving, I have come up with a few things that could help you and your significant other to

Create a more minimalist style in your home:

“Clean Enough”

“Clean Enough” doesn’t exist to a minimalist, but “Clean Enough” is minimalism to a hoarder… make sense? This is the biggest source of struggle for disagreement in the de-cluttering and cleaning of our home. We had to have a conversation about effort and the value we both have in our home and compromise on what constituted as “clean enough” for us together. There are things that are still in closets that I wish were out of the house entirely, but he compromised by putting them away and I am fine with not seeing them every time I walk in a room.

Purging (a hoarder’s worst nightmare)

I think that I sometimes accumulate things JUST so I can purge them one day. I just love to purge. My husband has a hard time purging things that (again) work just fine. I once packed up a bunch of kitchen stuff I never use or that have pieces missing, and he went through each box and gave a reason why we should keep each item. HE DOESN’T EVEN USE THE KITCHEN! I started purging things without him around, and that helped me tremendously. However, I would offer this great bit of advice – it is better to be a good wife than a minimalist. I would never go through and purge his things without his knowledge and signoff. I have made piles of clothes I know he doesn’t wear and prepared to purge them but I had him do the final look-over before they got donated. I think it would very disrespectful of me to give his things away without his permission. If he did that to me, I wouldn’t be very forgiving. Also, going forward, a good rule is one thing in, one thing out.

Go Room by Room

In an effort to introduce real minimalism, start by going room by room. I found it daunting to sell our house thinking of our WHOLE HOUSE having to be cleaned out and de-cluttered. But when I made a list and physically went room by room to clean and put away, it felt so much easier and manageable. I would just about do one room per day until I had it all good and done. In each room, I basically did the following in this order: go into the room and write down everything that you know needs to be done and use that as a checklist, purge/donate, organize, check all things off the checklist, and end with cleaning. You should be vacuuming your way out of a room which will leave it completely done.

A positive attitude will encourage a little “buy – in”

When my husband realized how much more he enjoyed certain rooms with some natural light and very little out of place, he started to buy into the process a bit more. Plus, I think he realized how much effort I was putting in that he eventually got up and helped me out. My attitude before was more nagging and pointing out all of the things that needed to be put away… like jackets, shoes, and bags when we all get home for the day. After we went through and minimalized our home, we all feel a personal responsibility to put our things away BEFORE we settle down at home. I turned my attitude from nagging every day to a more positive and thankful attitude for everyone being able to meet my desires in keeping things in order.

Start small if you have to

I started making the bed every day in our bedroom several months ago, which was a small but significant change to our daily routine. Having the bed made when I get home created such a nice place for me to sit and relax at the end of the day. Plus, each time I walked in the room it didn’t feel like everything was completely disheveled. It felt like a more calm and welcoming place. Something about the bed being made just makes a room instantly feel more put together. It was good for me to have that at the end of the day. Now, I started timing getting the bed made when my husband is getting ready in the mornings so he doesn’t have to do much except turn around and pull a couple sheets and blankets up. Minimal effort on his part is an easy way to get some help (and a little buy-in on the routine).

Good luck future minimalists!!! And come to the dark side hoarders – there’s some good, clean living you’re missing out on!