Click Here to read part one: If You Take a Mom to Target.
If you take a mom and her kids to Target…
She’s going to cringe when her littles demand that they all ride in an impossible-to-steer giant double-seat cart/boat.
As she walks up to the door she will say a silent prayer that there will be one available so that the tantrums don’t start just yet.
Seeing the cart, she will breathe a sigh of relief only to notice that both kids are now lying down on the floor.
When she inquires as to the reason for this behavior, they will explain that they are playing “no bones in my body.”
At the mention of bones, she will realize that she needs dog food for her fur baby.
She will start her journey to the pet aisle by pulling her limp children off the floor and strapping them into the cart, which is quite the workout.
Thinking of exercise will remind her that she has a hole in her favorite pair of capri yoga pants and she will steer her bus to the active-wear section.
Putting 7 different kinds of black yoga pants into her cart, she will head towards the dressing area, knocking endless things over as she goes.
Her kids will behave beautifully until she gets them all in the changing room and is completely undressed, at which point they will begin screaming that they are STARVING.
Kicking herself for even thinking she could try something on, she will throw on her clothes, pop the kids back in the cart, and make a beeline for the snack aisle.
Grabbing the first thing she sees, which happens to be a giant teddy bear full of animal crackers, she’ll rip open the top and throw them in front of her own animals.
As the children happily munch on their snacks she will wander up and down grocery aisles, checking her cartwheel app and picking up random food items they may never eat because 5% off!!!
She will push her luck by trying to buy a toy for the birthday party they have tomorrow, hoping that she can sneak in and out of the toy aisle without an incident.
As they start begging to get down she will immediately regret this decision.
While she calmly explains that they are only picking a toy for a friend and will NOT be getting anything for themselves, the kids will begin wildly throwing items into the cart at a pace which has her sweating to keep up with re-stocking the shelves.
Deciding the only way out of this mess is though bribery, she will reach into her mom purse for the dum-dums.
When she proclaims “Anyone who gets in the cart and sits quietly gets a sucker!,” the children will jump into their seats with minimal fighting about who goes where.
Doing some advanced mental math, she will calculate how long the candies will last based on average lick rate and current number of teeth per child.
She will realize that she has exactly 2 minutes and 56 seconds to get out of there.
Racing towards the checkout lanes, she will use her mom-radar to sense the quickest moving line with the least chatty cashier.
As she walks to the car she will ponder how she managed to spend so much money without being entirely sure what she bought.
Having fought her kids into their car seats and tossed them each a bag of Veggie Straws, she will turn on the car and drive off.
The radio will start to blare the Kidz Bop version of “Who Let the Dogs Out.”
Which will remind her of the dog food, which she forgot.
And chances are to get that food… she will have to go… back to Target!
