Handling Sibling Rivalry

Sibling rivalry happens in every home with more than one child, doesn’t it?  If it doesn’t happen in your home, please share your magical secrets! 🙂  But, if you’re like me, you’ve probably found yourself feeling like this.

In our home, we see sibling rivalry in two different lights.  The first is from my tween step-kids.  They taught me how to really figure out my purpose as a parent when it came to their fighting, and man was that a learning curve!  Our toddler boys bring a whole new spin on sibling rivalry.  It mostly involves screaming, pushing, and the occasional hitting.

I’ve realized my responses to these different quarrels vary greatly, as they should.  While I am far from any parenting expert, I wanted to share a few conflict resolution tips that have worked for me.

For my tweens, who are great kids, but no strangers to the sibling fights:

• We make sure the kids know that their disagreements are not a way to gain more attention.

• I don’t always intervene, but when I do, I make sure we get to the bottom of the conflict without focusing on who started it.  I always give them the opportunity to tell their side of the story and then we all talk about it together, in order to come to a resolution.

• We have rules and expectations.  Name calling is not ok and neither is physical harm.  Should either of them act in that manner, they know to expect a punishment.

• We make sure to praise their positive behavior and tell them when we appreciate the nice things they do for other family members.  Like any other child, they like being praised and they like feeling like they make their parents proud.

• Fortunately, no matter how much they fight, it’s normal to not get along.  As siblings, they spend a LOT of time together.

For my toddlers:

• Their fights usually involve a tangible object they both want.  After tugging the toy back and forth and screaming at each other, I take the toy away and give them both something different to play with.

• When there is pushing involved, it’s usually my two year old who’s pushing my 14 month old away from him.  He always gets a very stern “No!” and I tell him it is NOT ok to push.  If the baby is crying, I immediately grab him and focus all of my attention on him so my two year old can see his actions will not bring himself attention.

• Although my babies may not fully understand “I’m sorry,” we do practice it anytime they have hurt someone else.  With this practice, they will soon understand why it’s important to apologize for our actions.  {Plus, isn’t it super cute to hear, “I’m sorwy,” from your two year old?}

• My 14 month old is quick to let his arms fly and they usually land on the head of his big brother with a big “Whack!”  Although his big brother is usually quick to tell him, “NO HIT, BABY,” I’m quick to reinforce it with him.  The good thing is, they will outgrow it.

• You may have already read my post about time out.  If not, I’ll tell you, I’m a big fan.  It just works in our house.

In an effort to avoid more fights between your children, I strongly encourage you to check out Sherry’s post she wrote two months ago entitled “Sibling Harmony.”  It’s full of great tips to teach your kids about building positive relationships with each other.

I know I do NOT have all of the answers and I’m very curious to hear some tips on how you moms handle your quarreling kiddos.  So tell me, what’s something that works for you?