This is a day when my husband seriously hates me. A day where my stress is taken to the next level. A day when I think someone could call CPS on me. A day where I could be called crazy and agree. A day where I strive for perfection and ultimately fail each time. A day where I use all forms of bribery without a minuscule of guilt. This is family picture day.
I never learn my lesson. Every time I think, “it will all go well and I will be cool. I will have low expectations. I will not act like an idiot.” And every time, fail. The fact that I have a hard time understanding that my 3 boys, BOYS, that are 3, 2, and 1 won’t sit still for a simple photo shoot is beyond me. Picture day with just the kids is bad. When it is the entire family it is gut wrenching horrible. I have to be showered, dressed and look halfway decent all the while chasing 3 kids around, trying to keep their outfits clean, noses wiped, faces without food, and tantrums to a minimum. If I can look like a total sweaty, no makeup, greasy hair bun disaster because I am not in the pictures, it is slightly less stressful. Well, not really.
My husband refuses to go to the arboretum with me for pictures these days. He says I act “crazy” and do absurd things and people stare. Well I really do not want to be that mom but I just can’t help it. Apparently I get really mean too. Once I had my mom come with us to try and get the kids to smile. She ended up leaving half way through and said never again. That was probably the day I realized I have a problem. Is is vanity? Maybe? I just want to get a freaking cute picture of my kids. What wrong with that?
The bribery with these sessions is out of control. Candy, wrapped presents, ice cream, lollipops, nerds, a new puppy, a pony, a unicorn, tractors, whatever it takes. And then the noises that come out of me to get a look and a smile are ridiculous. I will sing, shout, whistle, baby talk, crazy talk and it just never ends. After 7 minutes and everyone is crying I throw in the towel and say enough is enough. We load up the car with kids that are covered in sticky candy, carrying new toys, and giving me the adorable smiles I have been sweating my a$% off for, as my husband and I drive home in silence.
