I just performed a wedding ceremony and I did not let the bride and groom in on one of the of the most important keys to a happy marriage. This seems weird for a pastor to withhold any tidbit of important information for a newlywed couple but this piece of advice is a bit controversial. Here it is: take breaks from each other.
“Guy time” and “girl time” are essential in any healthy marriage. This sounds so weird to say to a newlywed couple who is surely envisioning marital nirvana that looks very similar to the closing scene of “Ghost” wherein ghostly Patrick Swayze from beyond the grave and Demi Moore are forming a vase together in a moment of pure ecstasy( just a side note to explain my thoroughly outdated romantic movie reference, I refuse to see the dreck put out by the likes of Matthew McConaughey and Renee Zellweger, so I haven’t enjoyed a romance movie in like 20 years).
While time alone with your respective friends are rarely mentioned in a wedding ceremony, they are necessary and if they are necessary when it’s just the two of you, how much more so when there are 3 or more of you. When the transition happens from two to three and beyond, you end up not just want some time with friends but a dad-cation or a mom-cation.
Dad-cations and mom-cations are essential to keeping marriages healthy and adults sane. For some parents, admitting you might like time away from your spouse and your precious mini-me might seem like sacrilege, but deep down you know you need it. A couple months ago, I went out of town with some buddies to watch a Mavericks playoff game and it was delightful. We ate raw meat with our hands, we wrestled rabid street dogs and we belched unapolgetically (ok this is slightly embellished but you get the idea- man stuff). And here is the beautiful part, ladies, for all of those times you have felt like you are living with an uncivilized Neanderthal, these dad-cations are a great opportunity for him to purge his more inelegant tendencies and come home refreshed as the gentleman you know and love.
My wife just had the opportunity to go on a short mom-cation. It didn’t start out that way but I did my best to steer it in that direction. Casey spent a night at the Gaylord Texan which included fun stuff like a poolside-cabana to lounge in all day. Now, it would have been very reasonable to go with her and make a family trip out of this serendipitous event but then I realized this could be a great mom-cation opportunity . You see, if we went as a family, it would have been great fun but there would also have been poopy diapers to deal with, not to mention the other worldly amount of crap we would have to pack up to travel 30 minutes away for one night. While this may have been fun, mom would still have to be mom and she might have lost her mind. When my mind shifted towards a mom-cation for my bride, it all made sense. She could go with a girlfriend and put all the stress behind for a day and come back refreshed.
My wife came back today from her brief (she wants me to mention how brief- it was less than 24 hours, but still….) mom-cation as a new woman. She missed our little pumpkin dearly but she also loved having some me-time. So moms, here is my advice, begin the conversation about mom and dad-cations. Take out your calendars and mark down a couple days for each of you in the coming months. You can make “ghost pottery” together anytime but sometimes you just need a break. Believe me, Matthew McConaughey and Renee Zelwegger would approve.
Happy Father’s Day to all those Baby Daddies out there!! Moms, tell us how you’re celebrating!!
