I hate to even say this because we all have a lot going on, but like, I really have a lot going on this holiday season. My family and I are currently in the final stages of building a house, which is a lot to take on in and of itself, but I also need to mention that I am 35 weeks pregnant with our 2nd child – due date is officially New Years Eve. Yeah, like I said, I have a lot going on this holiday season.
I usually have a lot going on – even outside of moving, building a house, and being big belly pregnant – and I thrive when multi-tasking, but I am not taking the pressure and stress very well at this point. I find myself sleeping with a notepad and pen so I can make notes about work in the middle of the night. I am at the end of an emotional rope in trying to setup utilities for an address that doesn’t exist on anyone’s GPS. During low points, I am actively praying for my 3-year-old’s bedtime to PLEASE HURRY UP so I can get a break from the constant question of “why Mommy?”.
But when I do get about 10 seconds to myself to breathe, my perspective shifts. It shifts to a place of a calmer demeanor and a need for grace from my friends and family. I feel guilty for letting my emotions (and hormones) get the best of me and re-run the day in my head of how everything could have been handled differently.
I know that I cannot change what has already happened, or go back in time to change my reactions, but I do know that a little grace could go a long way. If I had the time and muster the strength, these are the specific areas of grace I would like under this year’s tree…
I need grace from my husband… we are both working full time, trying to clear up as much as we can before our baby girl comes and we spend some time at home with her on maternity/paternity leave. I would like for him to give me some grace for minimizing his stress compared to my own.
I need grace from my son… I am trying really hard to make the holiday season special for his first real “aware” Christmas, but I am not taking him to as many light shows, train rides, or ICE exhibits as he deserves while he’s still the only child.
I need grace from my co-workers… I am trying to get everything in order before I leave which leads to short emails and snappy tones. I would love for them to put a bow on the grace they’re extending me for not having it altogether sooner than now.
I need grace from one of my best friends… she recently miscarried after a long journey through infertility and IVF. She deserves me to drop everything to be there for her physically and emotionally, not just text messages when I randomly think to do so.
I need grace from my family… I am not sure I have really told them how much I appreciate all of their help through our move, home build, and pregnancy. They are the rock of support I always need but never fully appreciate.
I need grace from my church family… we are about to take some time off from regular church attendance as we navigate another newborn stage. We have chosen trips out of town over ending out our year in fellowship with them. They have taught us about true grace and mercy, and we are better people because of them.
Finally, I need to extend grace to my own self… I need to realize that I have a lot going on, a lot on my plate. Stress coupled with hormones is just a recipe for reactions you wish you could change. Extending myself grace and finding a thankful perspective at the end of the day could make all the difference in my holiday season. Giving myself grace could be the best thing I could do for myself and others around me this Christmas.
