The last thing I wanted to think about after my divorce was dating. I don’t think I am alone in that, either. Re-entering the cruel dating world as a thirty-something single mom, I expected the absolute worst. How could I possibly compete with the darling twenty-somethings who had their whole life in front of them and whose bodies had not been damaged by pregnancy? Surely, I would be seen as the old one with all the baggage. But let me tell you: as different as it is dating with a child I have learned that for me, there is no better time to date than now. Thirty-something and child in tow and all.
Here’s why:
- I am not trying to settle down. Pressure is off; I have my child and my clock is not ticking. I can support my family and truly know I don’t NEED someone. Being wanted is fun; being needed is hassle.
- I love the person I am because I worked hard to become her…and that makes it easy to walk away from things that are no longer serving me. It also makes it easy to identify people who do not bring out the best of me and people who do. I not only know, but believe in what I have to offer someone. I am currently the best version of me I have ever been.
- Motherhood. It changes you. And it’s the best change that has ever happened to me. And shockingly, all the men I have met or I have dated find it very sexy.
- My divorce made me better, not bitter. I learned forgiveness in a way I never before could conquer. I learned how to forgive myself and others and truly believe that everyone is doing their best with what they have. I learned to listen and not defend. I’ve learned to do my best without expecting anything in return. I’ve learned I can’t plan for everything and that I can’t always control everything. And that makes me a better companion.
- Sexier and Sex. Strength, confidence and a heart bursting with love makes me better than I have ever been. That happens to be attractive on anyone. And I am less critical of myself and of my partner which allows everyone to be more confident and comfortable. I’ve learned that sex can mean a lot of different things to different people. And I’ve learned to communicate my needs. Confidence + Vulnerability = Best Sex.
- Creative dates. Gone are the days of the dinner and movie dates on a Tuesday night. Between work obligations, my child’s activities and a 7 pm bedtime, you have to get creative. Birthday parties, soccer games, lunches, and sneaking away from the office a little early to snag some one-on-one time before 5:30p school pick ups become ideal dates. I have a lot of responsibilities and very little free time; efficiency has to be high. Dinner dates are usually very special occasions when a sitter has been called (and truthfully…usually work related obligations). And sometimes it can actually be easier to escape to San Francisco and let the grandparents spoil my child for a weekend than it is to find a sitter for Friday night during high-school football season in Texas.
- I am great story teller. Those girlfriends that pushed encouraged me to start dating reap huge benefits of the stories I have from dates I have been on and guys I have met over the last couple of years. They again get called for first date outfit help just like they did ten years ago. And they read my texts…sometimes with tears in their eyes from laughter and sometimes with real advice. There is a slight chance that we have entertained ourselves with Tinder and wine while our kids slept. Maybe. Probably. Sharing this experience with my girlfriends and all the accommodating laughs and tears is priceless.
There are good guys out there. They are fun to date. There are duds too. And they make for the best stories. And make me thankful I am not trying to settle down. (see reason 1)
