5 Words of Affirmation {That are Not Based on Image}

“You’re so beautiful.”

A statement I constantly say to my girls because well…they are! I love to gush over and admire their sweet features that make them stand out. My wild-spirited 9 year old and her snow white fair skin, strawberry blonde hair and “sprinkles” that cover her from head to toe. My tiny 6-month old and her silky, caramel colored skin, dark peach fuzz for hair, and enormous, dark pools for eyes. They’re just so squeezable and adorable I can’t help but point it out. I know all proud mommas can relate! I will admit, I do feel like I put so much positive emphasis on their physical appearance, instead of other positive affirmations about their abilities, that it could potentially come across as being the only thing I notice about them.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I DO think my kids are gorgeous and I want them to believe it too, but I don’t want it to define their existence! My goal is to raise strong girls that rock their individuality, ignore the superficial definition of beauty, and express themselves in a way that radiates confidence. 

Whoever said the phrase, “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me” was delusional. I remember one day my sweet 9-year old came home crying because another child had made fun of her missing teeth and her freckles! To her, that was earth shattering because she’s only ever heard positive comments about her snaggle-tooth smile and gorgeous freckles. Words hurt! I took that opportunity of course to remind her that she was in fact beautiful but also that she has so many other incredible things to offer.  As much as it terrifies me that I’ll never be able to protect them from the cruel words and ways of the world, I know there are things that I can do to help remind and affirm them of who they are in a moment of doubt.

Something I’ve begun to do is express gratitude and praise in things that they do rather than just always saying “you’re so cute (beautiful, gorgeous, etc.)”

These are the top 5 words or phrases of affirmation I have found have a positive impact on my kiddos:

1. Creative – I love to remind my oldest that I appreciate how her mind works. I mean this kid can take the most boring object and turn it into an incredible piece of art or toy. She uses her creativity in literally everything she does: household chores, playing with her sister and so much more. My oldest loves to discover and create new things like most children do. If I continue to remind her how creative she is, it only encourages her to let her imagination run wild and never settle for mundane.
2. Intelligent – I’ve come to realize that kiddos love to know that their parents think what they are saying or doing is nothing short of remarkable. Sure we can say “You are so smart”… but doesn’t the word “intelligent” seem like it would have a deeper impact on their confidence? Per my oldest girl, “Mom I LOVE when you say I’m intelligent, it makes me feel smarter than just being regular smart.” From the mouth of babes…that’s as good a reason as any!
3. “I like the way you___” – Another way to show affirmation in attitude and behavior is starting a sentence with a sweet praise of something your child has done. Even in just the smallest way, expressing to a child how much you love or appreciate the way THEY have chosen to do something encourages them to be creative and makes them feel intelligent… see the pattern here? An example is something as simple as “Wow, I like the way you arranged your stuffed animals on the bed. They look so cozy!”. My oldest lit up like a Christmas tree when I made this statement to her recently and then went into explaining why she chose the particular spot for each animal.  Kids always have a reason for the way they do things, maybe we just don’t understand it! The fact that we as adults are taking time out of our busy lives to appreciate the things that matter to our kids, I mean that is huge to them! It takes zero effort to share a well-placed compliment to brighten their day!
4. Kind – This world needs more kindness. Plain and simple. We are raising future generations and they need to be reminded what a difference expressing kindness can make. The way I see it is the bigger deal we make about a child’s kind gestures, the more natural it will come to them. I would so much rather hear that my daughters are kind and empathetic over hearing that they will win a Nobel Prize one day. When I hear stories about her day, I pick out something my daughter has said and turn it into moment of praise for her ability to consider others before herself. Because she realizes how important it is to be kind and selfless, she acts on it as much as possible.
5. Responsible – My gosh if I would’ve known how much a kid loves to hear affirmation of how “responsible” they are, I would’ve started saying it when they were in the womb! Nine times out of 10 I must remind my oldest to do things like chores and homework, but the ONE time she does it on her own without prompting from me, I throw out the word “responsible” like it is confetti. What are we teaching our kids if we aren’t teaching them responsibility? She eats it up too. Her desire to do things on her own increases and she actively tries to be responsible.
   

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I think all moms feel this way, but being a “girl mom”, I am constantly searching for ways to remind the girls that physical beauty truly ranks lowest on the list of defining qualities of a person.  I would much prefer them to be known for their kindness, bravery, individuality, and living a life of service to those in need. I know that what I say and do now will help build my child into a person that can make the world a better place. My thought process is that if I pay attention to the wonderful things that make them who they are, they will be confident in their own skin…no matter what others may say! So, fill those babies up with constant affirmation of their unique qualities now and watch them blossom into adults that people actually want to surround themselves with!