**January is National Birth Defects Prevention Month. Each Friday this month, in honor of those babies, we wanted to use this time to share a few stories from local moms who’ve dealt with these trials and tribulations and provide some great resources and information from local Dallas doctors. Although not all birth defects can be prevented, we hope that through raising awareness, steps can be taken to help prevent them.**
If you had told me a year ago that I was going to be the momma of formerly conjoined twins, I might have looked at you with wide-eyes of disbelief and confusion, trying to figure out if you were joking or being downright ornery. And yet life, in all of its twists and turns, surprises and disappointments, joy and sorrow, hope and despair, has given me the care and maintenance of two identically beautiful and yet wondrously different babies, as well as two equally incredible older boys. I’m not sure why my husband and I and our two sons were chosen for this task, but we were. And I am content with it.
If I could impart advice, wisdom, help, or little nuggets of encouragement to anyone who finds themselves in the situation of being soon-to-be parents of conjoined twins, this is what I would tell you:
1. Forgive yourself. It is not your fault. The sooner you can forgive yourself, the more energy you can devote to your babies.
2. Find out everything you can about your twins. Sometimes conjoined twins are discovered early in the pregnancy; sometimes it is at the appointment to find out the sex of the babies. Regardless of when you find out, request a Functional Magnetic Resonance Imaging (fMRI). Your doctor will be able to refer you for this appointment, and if you have to wait until your babies are a little bigger, it’s ok. Take that time to love them. Depending on the results of the fMRI, you may be referred to other specialists, such as pediatric cardiologists, pediatric surgeons, pediatric neurologists, etc. Take either a pen and notepad, or someone who can remember what the doctors say. There will be a lot to remember.
3. Be a little bit selfish. Being pregnant with conjoined twins (or any baby with an anomaly) is emotional. And scary. There are a lot questions, and very few answers. Remember that you can take time for yourself and your babies without explaining the situation to anyone; however, if it helps you to talk to several people, then find comfort in it. Give yourself permission to cry in front of people, with or without explanation.
4. Keep an open mind. There is available information on the internet, and while I DO recommend that you research online sources, blogs, medical journal articles, etc., keep in mind that your situation is different than every other situation in the entire world.
5. Find a team of doctors that make you feel at home. You will be spending a lot of time getting to know the multi-disciplinary team of doctors who will be caring for you and your bundle of joy. Make sure that you trust them, and that they involve you in the important decisions.
6. Love your babies. This is one of the easiest tasks that we have as parents, and it is the greatest task. Unfortunately, there are situations that require parents to give their babies back to God. Love your babies until it hurts and allow yourself to grieve knowing that you have done everything that you can for them.
7. Know that you are not alone.There are others who have been where you are. Reach out to them if you need to. They will offer advice, comfort, and support willingly. All you have to do is make them aware.
8. You are stronger than you realize. The fact that you have been blessed with conjoined twins means that you are stronger than you can even imagine!
— These last two pieces of advice reflect my personal faith, and while I know that this doesn’t apply to everyone, they were a great source of strength for me. —
9. Know that God is in control. Your babies have a purpose, just as my babies do. I cannot tell you what that purpose is, but God knows. Your twins are in the most loving and able hands in all of the cosmos, and that is where they will stay. It is where mine are to this day. So when you feel weak, helpless discouraged, etc, think to yourself, “God is holding my babies near to His heart.” And know deep within your soul that He really is.
10. Pray. Pray. Pray. Having conjoined twins stretches you emotionally, physically, financially, and mentally. Asking God for understanding, comfort, direction, etc. is understandable. “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.” Matthew 7:7-8 (NIV)
My children have changed my life, and my understanding of the world. I feel the sorrows of the world more closely, I feel the joys of the world more abundantly, I cry (both happy and sad tears) more readily, and I am a better person for it. We have many hurdles yet to jump, and even that is not the end of the race. There will always be more to experience and to accomplish.
Your babies will change you as well. Good luck, and God bless you as you find your path on this emotional journey!
If you would like to read more about my boys, go to www.theezelltwins.weebly.com. And please feel free to contact me for any reason! ([email protected])
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I am married to my soul mate, Dave, and I am the mother of 4 boys; Ethan (7 y/o), Liam (20 mo.), and Emmett and Owen (6 mo.). I am a speech-language-pathologist by profession and have enjoyed the few years of serving children with special needs in the school setting. In my spar(s)e time I play minecraft with Ethan, and help him with his homework; I play ball with Liam and chase him down after telling him ‘come here’; I spend time at the hospital with Emmett and Owen, our formerly conjoined twins; and I write about my family’s journey (www.theezelltwins.weelby.com).
